Lost and Found
by CrypticCatalyst
Summary: Alexander Lightwood was invisible, although maybe not invisible enough for his liking. The people who cared about him didn't know how to help him out of the bottomless pit he'd fallen into. He was a lost cause, even to himself. But Magnus Bane could see him clearly, and knew how to show him himself. AU/AH. Rated T. Flames will be eaten by narwhals. *Includes TID characters*
1. Chapter 1

Alexander Lightwood was not usually a forgetful person. He was an introvert through and through, while two of his siblings were the biggest extroverts anyone could be. His youngest sibling, Max, was a bit of both, and was the one who understood Alec more than the others did, to some degree. So Alec was okay with watching his siblings, always the observer in the shadows. He was his family's eldest child and his parents were happy with his good grades and his reserved, non-aggressive personality. But no one knew him very well.

His adoptive brother, Jace, had a girlfriend named Clary who was kind to him, and Alec had a small assortment of friends that he was satisfied with. Satisfied, but not happy. His sister, Isabelle, played boys at their school like a little girl plays with dolls, but she always would glance back, to see Alec standing there, always watching. Alec, who had his own problems inside, a war raging within. She never forgot to think of him, whether it was at school or during one of her many dates.

Alexander couldn't believe it when he realized that he had lost his phone. He just slipped his hand in his pocket to text one of his friends, Aline, when he discovered that it was missing. "Did I seriously just lose my phone?" He muttered, sliding down in his seat on the bus. Maia Roberts, a girl who was a vague friend of his, eyed him worriedly.

"Alec Lightwood just lost his phone. Call the press, alert the military. The cosmos are shifting!" She announced loudly. A few people chuckled. Everyone knew Alec, but that was the extent of how close they were to him. He was that constant presence in the back of the classroom, the one that you forgot about, unless a teacher called on him and reminded you of his existence.

"Touch luck, man." Maia's boyfriend, Jordan, who was sitting across from her, shrugged at him.

"It's probably just in the lost and found." Alec lifted a shoulder, then let it fall.

"Someone's already probably taken it by now." Jonathan, Clary's brother, snorted. A few more people put in their notions, and the subject dropped.

"My parents are going to kill me. Even Izzy hasn't lost her phone yet!" Maia winced at this piece of information.

"Jace has lost his phone a few billion times, though, right?" She ventured. At the back of the bus, Jace yelled indignantly.

"But I found it again!" At this, Alec simply groaned and dug a book out out his backpack. Maia took this a cue that he was done with the conversation, and turned her attention to Jordan.

Alec got off at his stop and kept to the sidewalk, still reading his book. He didn't look up when he passed a moving truck, despite the fact that someone new was unheard of. No one ever moved in on Institute Lane. The name of the street even sounded like a doctor's office or a private school. Definitely cringe-y. He didn't not look up because he didn't notice, but because he was quite good at blocking out the world. This was possibly why he slammed into a boy who was talking to the truck driver.

"I'm so sorry!" Alec took the guy's hand and pulled him to his feet. And stared for maybe a moment too long. The guy was even taller than Alec, and possibly more slender as well. He has caramel skin and spiked black hair. The guy wore neon clothing, with several rings on his fingers. And those eyes. Gold-green eyes that pierced his soul.

"It's fine. Beautiful boys are welcome to knock me over anytime." The guy spoke with a slight accent that Alec couldn't identify.

"Uh…" Alec felt himself blush, and he glanced around to make sure that no one had seen or heard. Everyone was already either in their house or far up the street. "Thanks?"

"What's your name, Blue Eyes?" Alec was extremely embarrassed now. His eyes were the thing that made him stand out, a curse for someone who preferred to hide. Teachers would only ever call on him because they would scan the room and see the flash of bright blue, the flash being Alec's failed attempt to lower his eyes in time.

"I'm Alec." He muttered, lowering his eyes.

"Well hello, Alec. I'm the Magnificent Magnus Bane." Magnus would definitely fit in at school. He was loud and outspoken, obviously, just like Jace and Izzy.

"Where are you from?" Alec wanted to smack himself. Why was he continuing the conversation instead of escaping?

"I move around quite a bit. I'm currently coming from Brooklyn, though. Not exactly far from here. You go to Alicante High? I just toured that place, lost my phone."

"I lost mine there, too." Alec turned even redder, angry at himself for not shutting up.

Magnus laughed. "I bet the janitors there pickpocket you and sell your phone on E-Bay."

"If they knew how to use the Internet." Alec added, unable to stop himself. His weak joke proved to be worth it when Magnus chuckled.

"Well, I'll be seeing you on Monday, I presume?" Alec shrugged, not wanted to reveal that he hoped so.

"I guess?"

"Well, goodbye, Alec, my discreet attacker."

"Bye." By now, there was nobody outside. The moving truck driver resumed his conversation with Magnus, and as Alec walked away, it became apparent that they were having a heated argument. Speaking of heat, Alec's cheeks were burning. Hiding the fact that he was gay for eighteen years, only to screw up because of some cute guy. He promised himself that he wouldn't think of Magnus at all over the weekend. Harder to do than one would think, as he was soon to find out.

"Where were you? You're usually home before me." Jace raised an eyebrow at him as he threw down his backpack and collapsed on the couch. "Did you get attacked by a psychopathic murderer?"

"Yes. It was a verbal attack of such annoyingness that I wanted to hurl. Along with the attacker's hideous face, I nearly died."

"Who was it? Like, no one ever talks to you that much, no offense." Jace leaned forward, intrigued.

"Their name starts with a J and they have golden hair and eyes. In fact, they look quite a bit like you."

"Haha. Stand up, Alec, you're a comedian."

"You don't tell me what to do. You go stand up, get off your lazy ass."

"If you acted like this in school, you would be as popular as Izzy and I. People respect sass."

"I don't have an abnormally large ego, unlike you. Popularity is relative. Besides, you know I don't like people to even look at me for too long. You, on the other hand, like it when people stare at you. Stare at you because you did something stupid, most likely."

"You should talk to me with more respect. I'm covering for you all weekend."

"Covering me for what?" At this, Jace rolled his eyes.

"Your phone? You forgot?"

"Oh. It's probably going to be gone by Monday anyways. The janitors are most likely selling it on E-Bay as we speak."

"What?"

"Nothing." Alec mentally slapped himself. Get it together.

"You're weird." Jace wandered off to the kitchen to eat something.

"Tell me about it." Alec grumbled once his brother was out of earshot.

**A/N: So, what do you think? Good? Bad? Constructive criticism is welcome, and if you have any questions or suggestions, feel free to leave them in a review. First reviewer gets a shout-out next chapter. As always, stay awesome, and I'll update soon. **


	2. Chapter 2

That Saturday, Alec brought Max to Simon's house. Simon was a year younger than Alec, but he hung out with Max because they were both nerds in similar areas. Max promised to text him when he wanted to be picked up, and Alec was out of there like a bat out of hell. Last time he stayed, Clary came over and the three of them talked about Star Wars so much that Alec honestly wanted to jump out of the window. The thing was, once the weekend came around, Alec went into "sass mode". It was only at school and when his parents were around that he was quiet and shy.

"Get it all out of your system here, because if you breathe a word about Dungeons and Dragons at home, I'll…" Alec let the mock-threat hang before leaving. It wasn't until he was actually at Starbucks that he realized that he didn't have his phone, and therefore couldn't receive any of Max's texts.

"Dammit!" Alec randomly exclaimed out loud. He became highly aware that Jordan was drinking coffee a few tables away, and that he was giving him an odd look.

"You okay, Lightwood?" He frowned.

"Yeah, sorry." Alec felt himself blush, and hated the fact with a burning passion. He quickly drank the rest of his coffee and slammed his ever-present book shut, standing up and rushing out the door. Flinching a bit as the cold wind cut him, he trudged down the sidewalk, heading back to his house. Because he had fantastic luck, he was intercepted by the very person he had promised not to think about.

"Blue Eyes!" Magnus grabbed his wrist and tugged him off of the sidewalk and into his house as he was walking past.

"Magnus? W-what?" Alec stammered, retrieving his hand quickly.

"I'm dying without my phone! I know that my dad would probably make some smart ass remark about my generation, but I don't give a damn! Is the school open during the weekend?"

"I guess the doors would be unlocked…" Alec wanted to fall through the ground. His eyes couldn't help but lock onto Magnus's animated features as the taller boy spoke and gestured.

"Well, I'm going. You want to come? If you wait until Monday morning, it's as good as gone." Why was Magnus talking to him? It's not like they were friends.

"So I've been told. Why would somebody steal a phone if they can't even unlock it?"

"I dunno. They just do. Are you coming or not?" Magnus was practically covered in glitter, something that he had just now noticed.

"Sure." Alec bit his lip, retreating deeper into his metaphoric shell.

"It'll be a dangerous journey, to go to such a godforsaken place on a weekend. We might bump into… teachers." Magnus's voice dropped into a dramatic whisper.

"Haha. Just follow me, and try to be… discreet."

"Discreet is my middle name." Magnus declared. Alec made a point of looking Magnus up and down.

"Neon and glitter. The best outfit for staying unnoticed." He quipped.

"Sarcasm detected. Whatever, just lead the way." Alec let out a long breath.

"Come with me. It's too far to walk." Magnus pulled on a purple peacoat and closed the door behind him, obediently trailing after Alec wordlessly. Alec stopped in front of his house and went inside to get the keys for his car.

"Nice." Magnus let out a whistle. Alec rolled his eyes.

"It's just a Ford Mustang. Now get in." Magnus slid into the passenger seat and shut the door behind him.

Alec started his car and drove for about thirty seconds before getting stuck in traffic. New York. You gotta love it.

"Why do you trust me explicitly not to drive us both off a cliff?" Alec asked Magnus, glaring at the driver in front of him.

"Well, you've gotten over being terrified of me. Also, there's no cliffs in New York."

"I'm not terrified of you!" Alec stumbled over his words. "Answer the question."

"Because you're adorable. You couldn't hurt a kitten."

"Yes I could! I mean, I wouldn't _want_ to-" Alec's eyes went wide in panic as he realized that Magnus had just called him adorable. "I'm _eighteen_ years old!"

"Whoa, calm down. I'm sorry, darling, didn't know you were so touchy."

"Are you always so patronizing?"

"I am most definitely not patronizing." They sat in silence for a moment. "What's your full name? Alec isn't your real name, is it?"

"I'm Alexander Lightwood. I only go by Alec, though."

"I think I'll call you Alexander."

"Please don't. I hate my name, it sounds so extravagant."

"An angelic name for an angel."

"Just stop." Why did Alec choose to drive Magnus to his stupid school to get his stupid phone? Magnus was hot, way out of Alec's league, and was probably toying with him. Not excluding the fact that Alec was so deep in the closet that he didn't know what daylight looked like. And also, there was the fact that he did not like Magnus. Well, not like that. Wait, did he? No, no, and no.

"Sorry. You aren't complimented much, are you?"

"What makes you think that?"

"You look like you're going to pass out when I say something nice about you."

"Something nice? You're practically raping me with your voice!" Alec was starting to sound hysterical now.

"No I'm not! This is exactly what I'm talking about. Breathe."

Alec closed his eyes for a moment. "Sorry. I get stressed easily, and I barely even know you, and-"

"Does it make you uncomfortable that I'm bisexual?" Alec nearly floored to gas and sent them both to their deaths.

"You're what?"

"Bisexual. Problem?" Magnus lifted his chin challengingly. His gold and green eyes glittered.

"Nope." Another silence fell upon them.

"Your parents must be loaded." Magnus commented, changing the topic smoothly while pointedly eying the Ford.

"My dad's a lawyer. My mom's a surgeon." Alec said shortly. It was common knowledge at school that the Lightwoods, to put it simply, had a lot of money. Luckily, the Lightwood kids didn't get the publicity that their parents did. Except for that time that Jace… well, he wasn't going to think about that. Never again. That day, Alec was on TV. He had been petrified, even though it had only been for a moment, and he had been in the background at that.

"And you live in this shitty city?"

"I honestly don't know. I just live my life and try to forget that my parents are rarely home and don't give a rat's ass about how much money their kids spend."

"I know the feeling. I'm surprised you didn't recognize my last name. You know, Bane Enterprises?"

"Wait, your dad is Asmodeus Bane?" Alec turned to look at Magnus, shocked.

"Yeah. I certainly seem fabulous enough to be his son, huh?" Magnus sounded bitter at this. Alec shrugged. Asmodeus Bane was quite infamous in the business world.

"He pretty much majors in being an asshole, and is a dad only after being a Grand High Ass has been achieved." Alec choked. "It was a joke, I won't be offended if you laugh." Alec smiled weakly.

"Uh, yeah, I don't think so. We're here, by the way." Alec parked his car in the nearly empty parking lot.

"Okay, here's the plan. Run, grab your phone, avoid any teachers and office staff, and don't let the security cameras get too much footage of you."

"I don't think-" Alec began, but Magnus was already climbing out of the Mustang.

"Come on!" Magnus opened the door and slipped inside, leaving Alec, who was swearing vehemently, to follow.

They silently ran up the stairs and made it over to the lost and found table. Luckily, there were two phones on the table. One had a shiny black case, while the other had a bright green case. They were both the newest models that only people with a ton of money could afford. Alec and Magnus gave each other sheepish glances as they crammed their respective phones into their pockets. They hurried downstairs, but Mrs. Lovelace saw them.

"What are you boys doing?" She shouted. Apparently, being at the school during the weekend meant that you were a punk performing acts of vandalism.

"Let's go!" Magnus yelped. The taller boy grabbed Alec's hand as he dashed for the exit. Feeling adrenaline rushing through his veins for the first time in what felt like years, Alec unlocked his car and leapt in, Magnus following suit. He floored the gas, skidding out of the parking lot as Mrs. Lovelace shouted angrily behind them. After a minute, it was obvious that she wasn't following them, and they simultaneously burst into loud, raucous laughter.

"That was awesome. I didn't know you had it in you, Alexander."

"Alec," Said boy corrected. "I didn't know I had it in me either." Alec didn't know how to feel about Magnus taking his hand, even if it was only to pull him along.

"I have a feeling that you rarely laugh and smile like that. I'm honored to be one of the people to see it." Magnus gazed at him with a crooked grin pulling at his mouth.

"Yeah. I guess that there's not much for me to laugh like that about." Alec tipped his head. The truth kind of sounded sad. Okay, just no. Alec refused to regret his decisions. He knew what he was doing when he chose who he would be.

"There should be." Magnus's face softened. Alec began to feel exceedingly uncomfortable. He did not like Magnus freaking Bane. No way. Nope, nope, and some more Nope. Stop denying it. Stop thinking.

"Don't you have other people to hang around with, other than me? I'm not important or special of interesting." Alec said bluntly. That was what he was. Blunt. He didn't talk too much to conceal this trait.

"I don't think that's true. I think that you're trying to find who you are. You don't have to choose who you are based on who's around you. Just be you. I think I saw the real you just now, and I'd like to see that you again. I know from experience about finding yourself, believe me. Been there, done that." Ugh, just no. Alec didn't want to face the truth. He didn't want to fix what was unfixable.

"I don't know…"

"Just think about it. I'd like to be friends with you, Alexan-Alec." He corrected himself.

"Okay." With the word, Alec felt like he was agreeing to something life-altering. Because in his heart of hearts, he knew that Magnus was right. He didn't know whether he was that sarcastic guy who argued with Jace, the quiet kid at the back of the room, the closeted gay kid who let his sexuality control his life, or the guy who talked to the son of a business lord and might sort of be crushing.

"You don't have to drive me further. I'll walk." Magnus jumped out as Alec stopped at the curb, casting him a backwards glance. "Bye."

"Bye." Alec waved weakly, seeing Magnus raise a hand as well. The person behind Alec sounded like they were banging their head on the horn, so Alec pulled away and drove to Simon's house in a daze. Not in so much of a daze that he couldn't drive safely, that is. When Max climbed into the car, sitting where Magnus was, the thirteen year old frowned at his older brother.

"You seem pensive." The young boy's gray eyes were sharper than most his age, and more aware. Just like Alec's usually were. But currently, Alec's were foggy, blurred. He seemed to be looking at something far away.

"I don't know. Had fun?" Alec answered distractedly.

"Yes. We debated on Luke's early relationship with Leia, exploring whether it counted as incest. You didn't answer me, though."

Hearing his little brother say the word incest brought Alec back to Earth. He focused on Max's face. "Who do you think I really am?"

Max seemed to ponder this for a moment, not questioning Alec's unusual mood. "You care about your family and you want to, or at least feel like you have to please everyone. You have some secrets, but they don't matter that much to other people, since they don't notice your conflict. You don't like people to watch you too much and you don't want anyone to get too close. I'd guess that it's because you're hiding part of yourself. You're afraid that what you say will give something away, and you rarely are happy."

"You're more perceptive than Jace, Izzy, and our parents combined, you know that, right?" Alec let out a long breath. "You can't tell anyone, but I'm gay. It's been controlling my life, because I'm afraid that being me is being openly and obviously homosexual, which is stupid because gay isn't a personality trait. I'm going to come out, but you need to let me tell them myself." Alec couldn't believe how stupid he'd been for so long. Hundreds and hundreds of people come out of the closet, and they didn't go through such extreme measures to hide. But with his parent's stature, the publicity… Alec waited for Max's reaction, hoping that he wasn't disgusted.

"I don't care that you're gay, you idiot. I care about you no matter what. Maybe some older people who were brought up differently and in a different era may think differently, but screw them. What made you so thoughtful and reflective, anyways? Seems a bit out-of-nowhere." Max hugged Alec tight.

"Someone who is a lot smarter than they seem." Alec hugged Max back, feeling a weight that he had carried since he was young fall from his shoulders. The weight wasn't completely gone, but at least part of the burden was. Magnus Bane was turning Alec's world upside down and inside out with just a few sentences. "Now let's go home."

**A/N: By now, you probably realize that there is some OOCness happening here. I also upped the age of Max. This is probably one of the best written chapters that I'll do, as I must have been in a fit of inspiration when I typed it. I'm working on the next chapter, but writer's block is murdering me. Please let me know if there's anything I can improve, or if I made any typos or grammatical mistakes. Spring break is coming to an end, which means less time for FanF, so don't expect common updates from me. I'll try for once a week, and as always, stay awesome people ;)**


	3. Chapter 3

Alec found it difficult to act normal around Izzy and Jace. What _was_ normal for him, anyways? This only proved that Magnus was right. And if Magnus knew from experience, did that mean that he used to be like Alec?

"You've been quiet." Jace looked concerned. Alec usually would have made a snide comment about his love life with Clary by now. Although the presence of their parents often rendered him silent.

"Do you want me to be annoying? I can do that for you, if you want." Alec poked at his steak, wishing that he could bite back his words. Robert, Alec's father, glanced up.

"You don't even know how to be annoying." He said it in a placating way, like it was a good thing. He had no idea who Alec was. Not that Alec knew either. He wanted to roll his eyes, but remembered that he had to keep up a different image for different people. How has he done it before? It was like waking up one morning to realize that you had been colorblind all your life.

"What college do you plan on applying to?" Maryse asked him suddenly, setting down her fork. Alec found it surprising that she hadn't asked this already. It was only after much begging that she had allowed him, Jace, and Izzy to go to a public school instead of a private school. He had always wanted to be a normal kid, and that had never changed, throughout all of his personality alterations.

"Um, I'm focusing on... being an accountant? I want to go to the Idris Academy." Known for being a school of the arts, but his parents weren't aware of that. Alec realized a moment too late that his answer sounded like a question. It was time to see if anyone called out his obvious lie. Alec hated math more than he hated any other subject. Instead, he wanted to be an artist, and took Art in secret. Secrets. Goddamn them.

"Hmm." Robert frowned at him from across the table, and Alec began to feel like a bug under a microscope.

"Dad, Meliorn cheated on me with Seelie." Izzy gave Alec a look that said, You owe me one. Alec nodded gratefully.

"What?" Maryse nearly choked on her food.

"Karma come to get you?" Robert didn't approve of Isabelle's habit of dating someone for a week before dumping them.

"Karma shmarma." Izzy rolled her eyes.

"I'm going to bed early." Alec announced, pushing his chair back and standing up. He did his Art homework upstairs, behind a locked door. His parents thought that he'd taken German for his elective, and Alec had gone as far as to learn it on his own time. He shouldn't have bothered, though, as his parents ignored him most out of all of the Lightwood children. Probably because he always followed the rules, he reflected bitterly. He did have a lot of time on his hands for that sort of thing. He stayed home on weekends most of the time anyways. Sunday night was the only time his parents had dinner with their kids, so Alec took it upon himself to keep his younger siblings in line.

Alec finished his surrealism project, adding a few brush strokes of gray for some shadows and depth. He placed it under his bed to dry, and stuck his art supplies behind his bookshelf. Then, he hurried to the bathroom to get paint off of his hands. He didn't know how to tell his parents yet that he didn't want some high-paying job that guaranteed success. It was practically expected of the Lightwood kids to be rich, spoiled brats throughout their entire lives.

He opened his desk drawer and continued working on his pencil sketch. This one, he did for stress relief. Maybe he should see a therapist if he was so fucked up. He had the money. Alec glared at the paper, allowing himself to be angry. He could report his parents for neglect, but they would probably just pay their way out of it. Max barely even knew his parents, and his older siblings took care of him when he was young, Izzy didn't have her mother as a role model, Jace snuck into clubs, and Alec was having some sort of identity crisis. Great parenting.

He let out breath and closed his eyes, putting his pencil to his sketch pad. So far he had two versions of himself. There was him slouching in his desk, eyes lowered, biting his lip. There was him smirking at Jace, arms crossed and eyebrows raised. Alec wanted to put down every version of him down of paper, to find something that every image had in common. Something that was him.

"Alec? You in there?" Izzy rapped on his door. Alec quickly stuffed his sketchbook back into his desk and popped the door open. Izzy came inside and shut the it behind her.

"What?" Alec didn't ask this in an aggravated way, but simply watched her, waiting for a response.

"An accountant, Alec? Max can lie better than that." Isabelle sat on his bed, crossing her legs. "Now tell me what you really want to do."

"I…" Alec felt like his lungs were shrinking.

"Look, I want to be a model, okay? Do you think our parents believe that to be a fulfilling career?"

"At least you get a shit ton of cash from it." Izzy blinked. When Alec swore, he was _really_ annoyed or pissed.

"But it takes no skill whatsoever. I won't even use any of my education until I'm too old to be hot, and then I'll be checking out people's groceries at Walmart." Izzy would never outgrow her good looks, Alec was certain of that. But he didn't say so.

"I want to be an artist, okay?" Alec sighed, running his hands through his hair.

"But you don't even take art!"

"Yes I do, I lied about German."

"You're actually a better liar than I thought, then." She paused, absorbing the fact that even her obedient brother had a spark of rebellion. "Can I see some of your art? Please?"

"No." Alec knew that he would have to fold eventually. Izzy was going to beg until he agreed. She gave him a wide eyed look.

"Please?"

"I swear that you're ten years younger than me instead of two. Fine. Don't touch it, it's still wet." Alec pulled out his painting and practically crammed it into her face.

"Wow, this is awesome! Why would Mom and Dad be against you doing this?" She gazed at it in awe, causing Alec to go pink.

"Because not all artists are well-known or successful." Alec replied bitterly. She gave him the painting back and he placed it under his bed once more.

"You need to show Jace and Max-"

"No." Alec said so emphatically that Izzy didn't even try to argue. "Just give me some time to figure stuff out, okay?"

"Okay. Goodnight, then."

"Night." Alec shut the door behind her and finished another sketch of himself before going to brush his teeth and change clothes.

He lay awake for several hours, just staring at the ceiling and pondering his existence. This is not normal. Seriously, just act like a normal person tomorrow. Don't think about what anyone thinks of you, it's better than being a nobody. Just do the first things that you think you want to do. Don't think about choosing the things you say, just say them. It's your first instinct to do that anyways.

Repeating these thoughts like a mantra in his head, he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reads this, and to lilypotter72 for being the first to review. I will confess that I wasn't completely satisfied with this chapter, but this is the last stretch of free time I'll have for a while. I really did try, but something seemed off. You guys have any suggestions? Anyways, I hope that this was okay, and as always, stay awesome ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

**My responses to reviews (thanks, guys!):**

**FandomFics: I'm glad you liked the chapter! I actually have no idea how I can pump out so many words between school and homework and life, but I'll try to keep up both the speed and quality. No promises.**

**Pafoof: Hopefully this lives up to what you were expecting :)**

**CBBToLogIn: Thank you for the advice. I hope I did your suggestions justice here, because I did have this partially pre-typed and went back to fix a few things you brought to my attention**

**lilypotter72: *Shrugs* Some people can be allowed their delusions :)**

* * *

The alarm went off, beeping loudly at one second intervals. Alec swore and turned over, slamming his palm on the snooze button. It went off again ten minutes later, and Alec reluctantly got up. When he made it downstairs, his parents were already gone (big shocker) and his siblings were eating cereal at the table.

"Hey. You look like you didn't sleep at all." Max greeted him, looking up from his breakfast.

"I got some sleep." Alec replied defensively, grabbing a bowl of cereal for himself and shoveling it into his mouth. He nearly gagged when he realized that it was Lucky Charms. He didn't appreciate little, shriveled-up, artificially colored marshmallows with his breakfast, thank you very much. Jace must have bought it.

"Hurry up, the bus gets here in, like, five minutes." Izzy urged, grabbing her book bag.

"Coming." Alec ran upstairs to get his painting and slid it into his backpack, along with a book and his other various supplies. He caught up with Iz and Jace just as they climbed onto the bus. Magnus wasn't there, so he was probably driving. Alec couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit disappointed, and then angry at himself for feeling so.

"Has anyone see the new kid?" Maia asked the occupants of the bus. Evidently Magnus's arrival had become the neighborhood's hot topic. Everyone murmured amongst themselves and a few 'no's sounded out.

"I have. He's cool." Alec spoke up, singling himself out for maybe the second or third time in anyone's memory. When several pairs of eyes rested on him, he couldn't help but blush and hunch his shoulders, trying to look smaller. He regretted opening his mouth.

"Is it true that he's Asmodeus Bane's son?" Clary leaned forward, head tilted in curiosity.

"Yes?" Alec's voice was almost a whisper.

"How do you know him?" Jonathan eyeballed him skeptically.

"I talked to him?" Alec bit his lip, trying to increase the volume of his voice. He was shy in front of people who weren't family. Family and possibly Magnus, it seemed.

"I don't believe that." Maureen, a ninth grader, rolled her eyes.

"Alec never lies." Maia glared at her and slung an arm around Alec's shoulder. Alec shoved away his discomfort at how untrue that statement was. He lied to himself almost all of the time, although he never fell for his own lies. His entire identity was a lie to the kids at school. Maybe. Alec didn't even know anymore. With a huff, Maureen turned back to Nate.

"Thanks." Alec gave Maia a grateful smile.

"Anytime, Lightwood." She looked a bit confused at his behavior, but smiled back. The bus screeched to a halt in front of Alicante High, and the students poured out like a tidal wave. Alec waited until he was the last one so that he didn't have to cut in front of somebody and risk awkwardness. He found it in himself to squeeze his way over to his locker instead of waiting until the bell almost rang. He tossed his belongings in, grabbing his English binder and made a beeline for Mr. Graymark's class, head lowered at bit. He was getting annoyed at how hard it was for him to find himself in the wave of insecurities and doubts that had grown and festered in the back of his mind after so long.

"Early today?" Clary's stepfather asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yep." Alec buried his nose into his book as his classmates trickled in.

"Okay, guys, we have a new student today. Say hi to Magnus." Mr. Graymark, or Luke when he, Jace, Izzy, Simon, and Clary were hanging out at her house, gestured to Magnus. Magnus smiled insincerely. Today he was wearing bright orange skinny jeans and a neon green polka-dotted white vest. The sleeves of whatever he was wearing underneath were plain black. His hair was spiked as usual and the spikes were tipped with orange dye. He even appeared to be wearing some eyeliner.

"I don't know any of you, so don't go out of your way to act like a patronizing tour guide." Magnus proclaimed, examining a bright green fingernail. He wasn't going to get bullied, that was for certain. With the aura of confidence he exuded, it was most likely that he would rocket to the top of the unspoken popularity chart.

"That's very nice, Mr. Bane. You can sit next to Alec." This seemed a bit too coincidental to said boy. Magnus's gaze landed on him, lighting up with recognition. The other seniors stared at the two of them.

"I've never met you before!" Alec said to Magnus in his best patronizing tone. "Want me to show you around the school?" He pretended that it was just him and Magnus, trying to ignore the other students. Even then, he didn't know whether Magnus thought of them as acquaintances or friends or something less or more. Ha, as if he would be any more than a friend, if that. Nice delusions, Alec. He waited for Magnus's reaction to his forward greeting.

"Oh, silence yourself, Alexander. Being an ass doesn't suit you." Magnus's eyes sparked with contagious humor.

Alec laughed softly. "True, that." He was reabsorbed into his book, confidence spent for the moment. He couldn't meet Magnus's eyes for any longer, not in front of everyone. Feeling a different pair of eyes on him, he glanced up to see Lily whispering to Andrew, sneaking quick looks at him. This was enough to make him feel uneasy. The class started and Alec slammed his book shut. Soon, the room was filled with people scrawling down notes.

"We're doing an essay on the history of whatever object you choose, as long as it is appropriate. You will be working with a partner…" Mr. Graymark said loudly. As he droned on about criteria, which made the simple essay more elaborate than what a sixth grader would do, and blah, blah, blah, Alec zoned out. He hated finding partners. He was almost always the odd one out. His stomach turned. "…Due to a lot of you goofing around, which is surprising in itself, you all being Seniors, I'm the one assigning partners. If I hear any complaints, then you, my friend, are rewarded with an automatic F." Any groans were quickly smothered.

Alec relaxed a tiny bit, hoping that whoever he was paired with wasn't a jerk. He tensed again as was paired with Magnus Bane. Oh, Angel no. What was Luke trying to do? Get him a 'new friend'? Teachers were weird. Alec could absolutely not keep up his failing attempt to act 'normal' when he was around him. The boy was constantly disconcerting him, even though this was only the third time they'd come in contact. Not to mention that Magnus was flirty and flamboyant and was already more well-known throughout the school than Alec had ever been. Yes, he had a tiny, minuscule, almost nonexistent crush on the idiot, happy? But even admitting this just sent the previously dormant rebellious side of him into a rant that he disregarded. With all of this happening in his head, he wondered if that was the only place where he was just himself. No matter how much he lied to himself, he always knew the truth.

"Let's do ours on the history of… Skittles!" Magnus said to him, smiling maniacally. Alec couldn't tell if he was kidding or not. He glanced around to make sure that everyone else was too busy talking with their new partners to pay attention before cautiously replying.

"There's just one problem. I want to get a passing grade."

"Don't doubt my ability to get passing grades. I'm so lazy, I have to be. I appreciate your candor, though."

"Whatever. So… meet me at the library sometime to find some information on the topic?" Alec blushed as he spoke, wanting to do the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge just to be rid of the heat on his cheeks. He was only partially aware that this was practically his consent to do an English project on the history of Skittles at the age of eighteen.

"Of course, darling." Magnus winked. What a complete… Alec couldn't figure out a word to describe this sparkly rainbow of a person.

"Okay." They both were quiet for a moment, the hum of others' conversations serving as background noise.

"Text me." Magnus snatched Alec's arm (in public!) and used a pen to write a series of numbers with elegant, swooping handwriting. Alec immediately ripped it out of Magnus's hand, nearly having a panic attack. It had been a long time since one of those, dating back to the days of agoraphobia and benzodiazepines. When his parents actually cared.

"Thanks." He muttered. "See you around." The bell rang, and he moved on to Phys Ed, hearing some whispers following him. Alec used all of his tactics to be invisible, keeping to the wall and making no eye contact. He and Jace actually had a class together for that subject because the teachers stopped giving a crap about separating kids based on age. Besides, Jace was a Junior, only a year younger than him.

"You got partnered with the Amazing Glitter Boy? Sucks to be you." Jace snickered at Alec. Alec swiftly cuffed him over the head.

"He's not that bad." Alec insisted, not having the slightest clue why he was defending someone he didn't know all too well.

"Wow, he must have really made an impression. You have less of an opinion on some people you've known since Kindergarten." Jace ducked to avoid a dodgeball that came flying at him. They weren't usually the annoying type of kids to be standing off on the side of the gym uselessly, chatting, but Jace felt like a gossiping today.

"Is it wrong that I'm trying to be friendly? I mean, screw this, why not?" Alec sidestepped another ball that came flying at him, noticing that he was accidentally falling into his mannerisms that he used when he was alone with Jace.

"You're acting like a different person, Alec. Stop, dude, it's creepy." Jace pretending to flail away from him in horror. Alec blinked in surprise at how close he was to the truth.

"Don't I always act a bit different between home and school? You know that I don't like people!" If Jace hadn't noticed the difference before, Alec would declare him the stupidest person he knew aloud.

"I mean, yeah, but you're actually bickering with me at school. I've taught you something! Praise the Angels! Uh, anyways, everyone's talking about how Alec Lightwood is starting to get a spine. They saw you talking with the Bane kid. Who are you and what did you do with my brother?"

"Excuse me?" Did everyone seriously think that Alec was completely weak? He shouldn't be surprised. It was how he had wanted to be viewed, after all. And he really needed to stop acting aggressive, even if he wasn't getting too outspoken. Magnus was right when he's said that being an ass didn't suit him. What did? Hiding in the crowd?

"See? People are listening to you right now," Jace said quietly. Alec looked around. He and Jace were the only ones left on his team, something that Alec usually never let happen, in fear of being singled out. Alec felt himself start to blush, but thought firmly, No. I'm not embarrassed just because I know how to talk. He internally flinched at the amount of people watching him.

On the other side of the gym, Val Morgernstern and Sebastian Verlac, who were known throughout the school as assholes, were the last two from the other team and were eying them menacingly. They were the type of people that treated Gym like the Olympics. Some people need to chill out, Alec thought, not that he was one to talk. Apparently, Alec looked like an easier target than Jace because they both aimed at him. What did he ever do to deserve this? He barely had time to feel offended before two balls came hurtling at his head. Could fate be any angrier at him?

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**A/N: To be honest, I couldn't believe it when I saw how many views this had gotten (over 450!), and I thought I owed you people this. Just wow. If you've even bothered to read this far, then I am honored. Thank you so much! This may be the last update for a couple of days, unless I'm able to pull time out of a magician's hat or something. Right now, I'm at the point, homework-wise, like you're standing in the middle of a field, with no shelter in a mile radius, and you see some hail coming down, almost hitting you in the head, as a forewarning. And in that moment, you think, "Well, I'm screwed," Before a storm of ice pelts you as you run around screaming like a headless chicken. Spring Break has spoiled me. I hope that this was okay, and stay awesome, everyone ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for the reviews, follows, and favorites!**

**DieHardSolangeloShipper: I like your name ;) Maybe I'll add a cameo or two later on that you'll recognize. It is yet to be seen if Luke's motives are as innocent as they seem.**

**CBBToLogInAgain: Prepare yourself for more Malec in the future :) Based on your perspective, Alec may seem either a bit OOC, or you can interpret his actions as him having his facade starting to break. **

**Guest and lilypotter72, because your reviews are similar: For Malec shippers, it's good luck :) **

**ThereMayBeDragons: Sorry for the wait! Apparently I'm not the only one who thinks that logging in is a pain XD**

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Jace pulled Alec out of the way before he was hit, luckily. The balls smacked against the wall behind him at a terrifying speed. Coach Michael blew his whistle loudly.

"You're both out, Morgernstern and Verlac. That was foul play. I made myself perfectly clear when I told you all not to throw hard enough to do damage…" The coach kept ranting on as Alec and Jace slunk over to the bleachers awkwardly. Everyone was so busy watching Val and Sebastian get told off that no one spared them a second glance.

"He's only doing that because he's afraid that our parents will sue the school." Alec muttered, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Yeah, those peasants aren't allowed to ruin our faces." Jace said in a mock-superior tone. Alec couldn't help but snicker a bit at that, and then cut himself off instantly.

"I know it must have been hard for you to save my face. Jealously can be tough to get over." He replied, satisfied with his conversation-ending statement.

"Oh, I am so very hurt by your cruel words." Alec's rolled his eyes. "Our conversation earlier, though, isn't over. I want to talk to you. You always seem lonely. I could hook you up with a hot babe if you want, or something." Jace watched him with serious eyes.

"I'm fine the way I am." Alec no longer believed this, but didn't say so.

"Seriously. Alec, after the thing with panic attacks and now your multiple-personality disorder-"

"First of all, you promised never to mention that again. That part of my life is over. Secondly, I don't have multiple-personality. I just get nervous sometimes." Alec shifted uncomfortably, increasingly aware of how easily the lies fell from his lips.

"Izzy, Max, and I are going to have a chat with you after school. We worry about you, Alec, even though it seems like we're oblivious to the way you look when Mom and Dad are around. You glare at your plate like you want to hide somewhere and never come out, or smash the said plate over someone's head, depending on the day. But unlike us, you never voice anything."

Alec made sure to wipe his expression clean of emotion before he answered. "Fine. I might not be home for our little "chat", though." He didn't know why he was making an excuse that he couldn't come through with.

"Why?" Jace raised an eyebrow skeptically. Alec was saved from coming up with an even stupider excuse when Coach told them to go change back into their regular clothes in the locker room. It had always been a moment he'd been terrified of. When he had bad agoraphobia, he would simply sit on his bed, stressing about it. Alec shook off the dark memories and kept his eyes on the ground as he changed as quickly as humanly possible. He vanished when the bell rang, avoiding Jace on his way out.

Art passed quickly, as it always did. The teacher, Mrs. Celine, collected the projects and let them do whatever they wanted for the rest of class. Lunch rolled around, and Jace pestered him constantly, saying that he seemed sadder. Sadder? Well, maybe just a little bit. Alec had been okay with just being there for his brothers and sister, and he did have some friends, but he never took the time to set standards for himself, to tell himself exactly what he wanted to do and then do it. He didn't have the most elaborate plan for his own future, put simply. And he wished that he did.

"Where are you going to be after school?" Jace pressed. Clary shot him a sympathetic look, but didn't interrupt Jace's torrent of questions.

"I'm going to the library." Alec said shortly.

"Magnus Bane is really awesome!" Izzy slid into the seat across from him, fashionably late as always.

"Yeah, Magnus is cool." Clary put in, brushing a red curl out of her face.

"He totally knows what fashion's all about. His style is eccentric, but he pulls it off. Even I couldn't do that." Izzy added. Everyone was stunned by her high praise. It was hard to impress her.

"Of course you could, Izzy. Just use makeup to keep the intensity evened out." And lo and behold, Magnus was there. He sat down next to Izzy, diagonal from Alec. Why, out of everyone Izzy could have befriended, did it have to be Magnus?

"Oh yeah, forgot about that. Thanks." She noticed that Alec was having a silent stare-off with Magnus. "You guys know each other, right?"

"They're project partners." Jace explained. It was evident that the sophomores hadn't received the latest school gossip yet. The flashy boy and the invisible boy, made to work together. How ironic.

"You didn't tell me that!" Izzy elbowed Magnus, something she did constantly to everyone around her. Alec had no trouble imagining her running down the streets killing people with an elbow to the head. Not that he ever wanted to imagine it.

"I didn't know that you were a Lightwood! I mean, you both are sort of pale and have the same color hair… I should have known." Magnus shrugged.

"You know that Alec's a Lightwood? He even got Luke to stop saying his last name when calling attendance." Jace raised his eyebrows.

"You didn't tell them?" Magnus looked at Alec, pretending to look hurt. "Was our illegal escapade so meaningless to you?"

Alec wanted to die. Magnus was acting as familiar to him as Jace or Izzy might be. Mortified, and probably the color of a tomato, he opened and closed his mouth a few times before muttering, "It wasn't really illegal." Was it possible to spontaneously combust at will?

"Did you kill my brother and replace him with a different person?" Izzy stared at him in disbelief. Jace looked like he didn't recognize him. Simon was talking quietly to Clary, trying to avoid the awkwardness. Smart guy. And Magnus seemed to realize that Alec's personality that he had known was as good as nonexistent right now, his expression becoming more solemn for the first time since he'd mentioned his father two days ago.

"What happened?" Jace demanded. Magnus gave Alec a glance, wordlessly asking for permission. He tipped my head, uncertain. They could absolutely not know everything about that day. And nobody could know about who Alec was when he didn't keep himself in check. Except for Magnus, and that had been an accident.

"Well, we pretty much broke into the school and got our phones back, but the teachers had a problem with that and we had to run for it. Your brother would make a good getaway driver." Alec appreciated that Magnus kept the story short, but he couldn't look anyone in the eye. When he heard what had happened aloud, he realized just how out of character that was for him.

"That's me, pro getaway driver. Wanna convert to a life of crime? I charge five bucks per various escape, ten bucks if it's a prison." Alec mumbled under his breath sarcastically. He didn't mumble quite as quietly as he'd hoped, because Magnus nearly choked on his sandwich.

"Seriously, are you on drugs?" Jace gave Magnus a glare, as if he had sold Alec some sort of dangerous and illegal substance.

"No! On Raziel's name, Jace!"

"Why do you use the name of an angel instead of God?" Magnus asked curiously, brushing off Jace's accusatory gaze. Alec debated whether to answer, he didn't want to interact with Magnus anymore, and the others would doubtless assess his actions with extreme scrutiny. Clary and Simon, bless them, were keeping to their own conversation.

"Because I am not certain of my opinion of God. I believe in Angels, though. Judge me as you will." Alec rarely told people of this. The thing was, some people who believe in everything the Bible says read into it too much and are extremely homophobic, and that dampened Alec's belief.

"Hey, I don't judge. I have a bit of skepticism too." Both of them knew that the other knew why. And then it hit Alec fully. Magnus knew. Oh shit.

"I need to go to the restroom." Alec slipped away without waiting for a reply and strode briskly into to hall, entering the bathroom and leaning against the wall. Was it so obvious? How did he know? Did everyone actually know? Not Jace, at least. But could anyone else tell? He nearly had another panic attack right then and there, for the first time in years. Magnus would be the literal death of him. Why did he have to barge into his life and make him question everything just by existing? The door opened and then closed.

"Alexander? Your friends kind of told me to get my ass over here and apologize for whatever I said. But I have a feeling that it's what I didn't say that bothered you." Magnus's voice reverberated in the empty room. Now that they were alone, Alec could actually talk to him. He looked him in the eye, trying his best to coat his feelings and fears in iron while feeling his cheeks turn their trademark red.

"You can't hint at anything, okay? I literally have spent my entire life building up all of this-"

"Building up shields to keep the people who care about you out. Yeah, I know. But you are also caging yourself in by doing so."

"I don't want to be more different than I already am."

"Uniqueness is what makes us people, Alec." Magnus used his chosen nickname for the first time.

"Then I want to be one of the most unremarkable people."

"Do you get tired of it? Do you wish that you could just put yourself out there and live your life without being so overcautious about what you say and do?" Now he seemed to be angry at Alec's denial. So was Alec.

"What are you, a therapist?"

"No. I have made your type of mistake before. I have been on my very best behavior since moving to Manhattan, in fact, barely a single slip-up. I did some things I will always regret, and sometimes I want to do them again, but I don't because I don't want to be broken more than I am."

"Are you implying I'm broken?" Alec hadn't argued with someone like this in so long that it felt strange that he didn't care if his voice was getting louder than anyone at the school had ever heard it.

"I'm saying that you could be broken if you push yourself to the limit. I can't understand why no one else can see it see it. I want to help you, okay? I don't want you to end up losing years of your life to not putting your heart in what you do!"

"But it's already too late for me! This has been me for my entire life, and that is not a hyperbole." Well, maybe when he was little he was less… secretive?

"So you tell me. Is there really a person behind all of those walls?"

"If you know so much about me, then you tell me!" Alec's eyes flashed with the fire that everyone who knew him thought had gone out. Magnus looked stunned that he'd gotten such a rise out of him.

"I'm sorry. I'm a pushy person, and I'm being presumptuous." Alec inexplicably relaxed, relieved that the fiery part of the fight was over. He reigned in his careful self-control.

"But you were right, and it's been killing me since Saturday. I just don't know anymore."

"If I, a stranger to you, messed you up that much, then I'm taking it upon myself to fix you." Magnus promised, slowly regaining his poise.

"This got really weird. I think we're both kind of messed up." Alec laughed weakly.

"See? Right there, that was Alec Lightwood. You aren't scared of saying what you want to me now. My arguing method succeeded." Magnus looked exceedingly smug as he spoke.

"Let's go before they get all suspicious that you're sexually assaulting me. I think that Jace knows that you've messed with my head already."

"You're adopted brother? Isabelle told me that he was kind of a jerk."

"He gets all protective of me, and it drives me crazy."

"Then say something."

"I can't. Not yet." Alec sighed, popping the vertebrae in his neck as he rolled it.

"Why not?"

"I need to be able to find myself, and once I do, I'll be there to stay. I still don't know how to feel or react to things sometimes."

"Hmm. I think I can help you with that. Now come on." They stepped out into the hall.

"By the way, can you meet me at the library after school? I need an excuse to stay away from Jace. He knows that something's up and won't leave me alone."

"Alright. You'll owe me, though. Next time I need to bail out, you have to be my excuse, no matter the time or day." Magnus smirked, looking satisfied with his bargain.

"Um…" Was it worth it? Alec thought back to Jace's probing questions and decided that he'd risk it. "Okay. Deal."

"Pleasure doing business with you, Alexander." The bell nearly cut off the end of his sentence and they had to run to rejoin their friends

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**A/N: Sorry for the wait! My Algebra teacher has given me the gift of… Factoring! Yay… :P Hope this was okay. My next update will be next Sunday at most. I've forgotten to mention it before, but my disclaimer is on my profile page. I apologize if it seemed like I'd neglected to credit the author of TMI: The Great Cassie Clare! Thanks for reading this, and stay awesome guys ;)**


	6. Chapter 6

After school, Alec slipped behind the bookshelves of the public library. Hopefully, Magnus had been here before. Usually only the regulars knew where the PCs were. In fact, the librarians had been wanting to move the shelves for a while, but constantly put off the task. Alec was going to offer his assistance sometime soon if nothing was done on the topic.

"Will! How did you get here so fast?" Out of nowhere, a tall girl his age with brown hair, a slight British accent, and gray eyes tackle-hugged him. He broke away quickly, eyes wide in shock. Her eyes widened too, and she backed away.

"I'm so sorry! You look exactly like one of my boyfriends." She explained. Alec decided that he wouldn't question the plural. "I'm Tessa Gray."

"Alec Lightwood." He shook her proffered hand tentatively.

"Tessa?" A boy with strange silver hair and eyes peered around the corner. "Oh, there you are." He was at her side in an instant, narrowing his eyes at Alec. Alec tried to look smaller, something that he was good at despite his height. Seeing him react nervously made the silvery boy's face soften. "Are you a Herondale?"

"No…" What was going on? Two strangers were talking to him! What did they want?

"You look like Will."

"I don't know who Will is." He didn't say this defiantly, but was simply stating fact.

"I'm sorry. I'm Jem Carstairs, and we're here from Brooklyn to stalk a friend." Frowning, Tessa elbowed him.

"He doesn't need to know that!" She chastised. Alec straightened to his full height, proving to be taller than either of them, to see over the shelves when he heard Magnus's voice, arguing with another person. They came around the corner. Magnus was talking to a boy who looked like Alec, probably the Will Herondale that Tessa and Jem were talking about.

"I said that I was busy! I wasn't lying!" Magnus insisted. He looked up and saw the three of them.

"Magnus!" Tessa ran to hug him. "You haven't forgotten about your friends, haven't you?"

"Tessa, I wouldn't dream of it. It's good to see you too, Jem, but I am actually here to do some project research with Alec here." Magnus slung an arm around his shoulder, and Alec wondered whether it was too late to escape. And then he realized something.

"Wait, if you use my existence as an excuse to get away from them, then I won't owe you anything!" Alec said to him, shrugging his arm off.

"It doesn't count if they leave on their own free will." Magnus placed his hands on his hips and raised his eyebrows.

"Please don't leave until he tells you to," Alec pleaded to Tessa, Jem, and Will.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" Will demanded.

"It's a long story," Magnus and Alec chorused. Alec blushed and glanced at Magnus warily.

"Is he your new boyfriend? You may not know this, but in Brooklyn, Magnus really got around. As in, his theme song would be For Your Entertainment by Adam Lambert." Will said to Alec slyly. He oddly reminded him of Jace.

"Will! I told you that that chapter of my life is over, okay? Can you drop it?" Magnus actually looked a bit… angry?

"Don't push him," Tessa put a hand on Will's shoulder.

"Anyways, Alexander, these are some of my friends from my Brooklyn. I'm assuming that you know their names already. They're all dating each other."

What? How… oh. Jem seemed to be reading the shock on Alec's face, carefully assessing his reaction.

"Have a problem?" Will kissed Jem's cheek while simultaneously wrapping an arm around Tessa's waist, smirking. Alec blinked, biting his lip so hard that he nearly punctured his own skin.

"Leave him alone. He's-" Magnus lowered his voice, as if Alec couldn't hear him, "completely innocent. As in, no action whatsoever."

"Ohhhhh. He's like _that_." Comprehension dawned on Will's face.

"I can hear you!" Alec glared at them. Why did everyone treat him like he had the knowledge of a child? He wasn't completely innocent, that was for certain. There were some things about him that would surprise everyone.

"And he's also still trying to find Narnia." Magnus continued.

"Magnus!" Alec hated his stupid pale skin that flushed whenever someone embarrassed him. It was the bane of his existence. Why was Magnus going and telling people he didn't even know about his…trials?

"Sorry. I'm trying to help you-"

"Realize that some people are okay with it? Or something? It's not working." Alec snapped, intimidated by the sets of eyes on him and angry at the same time.

"I'm glad that you guys drove over here, but now's not a good time." Magnus said to his friends, sighing.

"It looks like you have changed a bit." Jem smiled softly. "Remember to call, okay?"

"Of course. Send Rags and Cat my love." Magnus waggled his eyebrows, and Alec let out a long breath, breaking away from the group and logging onto a computer, blatantly ignoring them. The trio departed, but Tessa looked back over her shoulder, her eyes meeting Alec's.

"It was nice meeting you," she said quietly, offering him a little wave before the door closed.

"I didn't know that they'd come here just because I told them that I'd be here." Magnus explained, shrugging. His mischievous grin slowly crept back onto his mouth, transforming him. "And don't listen to Will. He acts like a total dick, but he's a pretty nice person if he lets you in. That usually only happens when he's drunk."

"That's Jace in a nutshell." Alec didn't look up from the screen as his fingers flashed across the keyboard. "Now take some notes, and underline the plagiarized phrases so that I can change them later."

"Is "Taste the Rainbow" copyrighted?"

"How the frick am I supposed to know?" Alec demanded, scrawling down a few dates on a sheet of paper.

"This is boring." Great, now he was babysitting.

"I'm not doing all of the work." Alec said firmly, looking up to shoot lasers at him from his eyes. Magnus laughed.

"And that was lesson two, my young Padawan. Be assertive."

"How does every lesson comes from you being annoying?" Alec held his head in his hands for a moment. He had such a terrible migraine. Then, he nearly jumped out of his skin, because Magnus had wrapped his arms around his waist.

"You're quite easy to annoy, darling. No offense." Magnus breathed in his ear. Alec shivered, trying to pull away.

"Don't grab me like that, _please_." He tried to steady his voice. Glancing at the clock, he noted that it was already five in the evening. "We have to hurry if we want to get down most of our research today."

"Or we can just meet up more often," Magnus suggested, an evil smile twisting his mouth.

"I hate you."

"You wound me!" Magnus pretended to fall on the ground, mortally injured, but after ten minutes, Alec looked behind him and saw Magnus taking notes as well in his loopy cursive. At least he was doing something.

"What exactly did Will mean when he was talking about what you used to be like?" He asked in a low voice, afraid of shattering the peaceful silence.

"I was, and still sort of am, very… I can't find a word for it. I dated a lot of people, had my heart broken and broke a lot of hearts, I was pushy, I flirted with everyone, whether I was interested or not, just because I felt like I had to keep up the "Rich Brat" image." Magnus shrugged, a wry grin on his face.

"Is that why you keep looking at me like I'm your prey?" Alec asked, noticing how close they were to each other.

"I look at you like that because you're a hottie," Magnus snickered at Alec's reddening cheeks.

"You can't just say stuff like that! I'm not even… hot." He muttered the last word under his breath.

"Why? You are." He tipped his head, pretending to be confused, but Alec saw his eyes glittering.

"Stop!"

"Sorry, no can do." Magnus's face was so close now. Alec could barely breathe.

"I still don't understand why you hang around me. I'm an emotional mess, is hard for me to open up to people, and I have an inability to make good friends."

"We aren't good friends yet? I have just been cruelly rejected." Alec gave him a look. "To answer your question, I was a mess too, if I haven't already gotten the point across. I've been through stuff that most people haven't and won't their entire lives. And let me know if I'm overstepping any boundaries by doing this."

"By doing what?" Alec blinked at him, uncomprehending.

And Magnus kissed him.

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**A/N: Thanks for all the favorites, follows, and reviews! This FanFiction has over 1000 views now, which is awesome. I'm pressed for time right now, so this is kind of rushed, but I'm planning to update once a week every Sunday. I am super grateful to anyone who even bothers to read what I write, and as always, stay awesome guys ;)**


	7. Chapter 7

I didn't know where else to put this: When texting, Magnus gets **bold** font and Alec gets underlined**.**

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The kiss lasted approximately ten seconds before Alec broke it off.

"I-I don't…" He stammered breathlessly, pressing a hand over his mouth. "Why did you do that?"

"Because I'm a vampire and I want to eat your face." Magnus said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "I like you, you idiot."

"How can you like me?"

"Hmm, let's see… you have the most amazing smile, you make me laugh…"

"Ich bin blöd," Alec muttered under his breath.

"Du bist nicht blöd." Magnus grinned at him, making his heart skip a beat. "Du sprichst Deutsch…"

"I don't know what to think, okay?" He was starting to sound a bit hysterical. "You can't just go kiss somebody."

"I just did. And nobody goes and asks, "Wanna kiss?". It's a spur-of-the-moment sort of thing." Alec was able to detect just the tiniest amount of hurt in his gaze.

"Try this for spur-of-the-moment." And without thinking it over, Alec grabbed the front of Magnus's shirt and crashed their mouths together. Magnus actually gasped, disoriented for a moment, before hooking his arm around Alec's waist and tugging him closer. And then the chair Alec was sitting on tipped over.

"Ow!" Their heads knocked together as he landed directly on Magnus, causing his chair to tip over as well.

"That was possibly my best epic fail," Magnus laughed while clutching his head.

"What should I say to the doctor when they ask me how I got a concussion?" Alec groaned.

"That love knocked you off your feet," Magnus suggested, disentangling himself and standing up.

"That was terrible. Please never ever say that again."

"I apologize." A pregnant silence ensued. Then, Magnus dramatically got down on his knee and took one of Alec's hands with both of his own. "Will you go out with me?" He gasped, pretending to be overwhelmed with emotion. Alec felt his mouth twitch. No! Not allowed! He was not going to smile. Not going to laugh. This was no laughing matter.

"Will Herondale totally called it." He muttered. Agreeing would change a lot of things for him, bringing him to some bridges that he didn't want to cross. But seeing Magnus's eyes, golden flecks, like sunshine, submerged in bright green, he slowly, hesitantly nodded, closing his own. It was time to take the leap of faith.

"That went better than expected," Magnus beamed. "You didn't completely freak out."

"If you expected me to freak out, then why did you ask?" Alec's voice was somehow unbelievably calm. His heart, however, felt like it might explode.

"Because sometimes, it's okay to fuck up royally. Better that than to not even try." At this, Alec nodded again thoughtfully. "That can be lesson number three." Alec's eyes flew open.

"No more of that!" He playfully shoved him just as Mrs. Clickner, one of the librarians, came over to track down the disturbance.

"What are you kids doing-?" She saw them. "Oh, hello Alexander. Please keep the noise level down."

"Sorry Ma'am." Turning pink, Alec ducked his head.

"Oh my Lilith, Alec. You're a library regular. You and Tessa could probably rant and rave about books for hours." Magnus stared at him in horror.

"I'd really rather not." Alec checked his watch. "Oh crap, I'm late."

"See you tomorrow, darling." Magnus crooned, smirking, and Alec could barely maintain his somewhat vacant expression. No, he refused. Whatever he was, Alexander Lightwood did not giggle like a five year old girl. He pressed his lips together, and Magnus started cackling at the look on his face, causing him to burst into laughter too.

"Bye," Alec folded his notes, stuffing them in his pocket, and left hurriedly, trying in vain to suppress the stupid smile contorting his face.

"You look weird," Jace commented, looking up from the TV as he stepped into the room.

"So?"

"Are we going to have that talk about how you can stop putting up those facades and tell us why you always seem both nonchalant and anxious ?" Izzy marched out of the kitchen, hands on her hips. She saw the look on Alec's face and froze, a grin spreading across her own. "Come here a sec." Without giving him a chance to answer, she took him by the hand and dragged him into her room, locking the door behind them. Jace was left sitting there in confusion, before shrugging and returning his attention to the screen.

"Why are we here?" Alec tipped his head, staring at her. She clapped her hands together.

"Okay, who did you make out with?"

Alec nearly choked on his own spit. "What?!"

"Was it Eli? Or maybe Mark?"

"You… you know?" He gaped at her incredulously.

"It was Mark?!"

"No! You know that I'm…" He lowered his voice. "Gay?"

"Of course I do! You're my brother!"

"Who told you? Did you tell anyone else? Who knows?" Isabelle rolled her eyes at Alec's panicked expression.

"I figured it out by myself, I'm no snitch, and I'm the only one who knows as far as I know." She reeled off, counting the answers on her fingers.

"How long has it been since you figured it out?"

"Um, maybe when I was… thirteen? Yeah, sounds about right. I didn't tell you because I wanted to prove that I could keep a secret." She saw the bright red splotches on his cheeks and leaned over to hug him. "You know that I don't care, don't you? I love you, you big stupid, no matter what." Alec was brought back to what Max had said on Saturday.

"Thanks, Iz." He blew out a long breath, brushing a lock of her hair back into place. "Did you just use stupid as a noun? To insult me?"

"Yes I did, now back to the important stuff. Who was it?"

"You're going to involve yourself in every aspect of my dating life, aren't you?"

"Oh my god, you're dating?" Her voice rose to a pitch never before heard by man.

"Shhh!" Alec clamped a hand over her mouth, and she shot him a glare that would be cowed Jack the Ripper. "You can't say anything, promise?" She nodded vehemently. "It's Magnus."

"Oh my god! Oh my god!" She screeched, while simultaneously managing to keep her voice quiet. "You're dating Magnus Bane!"

"Not officially," Alec mumbled, embarrassed. "It's not really that serious… I mean, all he did was ask me out…"

"But still!" She beamed at him.

"You aren't justified in being that excited." Alec snorted. It was ridiculous how energetic she was being.

"I want to see you happy, Alec. You deserve this. You've always been the most selfless out of all of us, always looking out for us. We never thank you enough, and I'm sorry for that."

"Have I ever told you exactly how much I love you?" Alec couldn't believe it. Today was better than he could have ever imagined it being.

"All the time. Now, I'll go get Jace to leave you alone and pretend to have had a talk with you already about your disposition, and you order something from Taki's. Make sure there's more than enough food, as Mom and Dad may just grace us with their presence." Bitterness laced her voice as she mentioned their parents.

"Alright." Alec called the restaurant (at this point, his family was practically their number one customer), then locked himself in his room. Entering Magnus's number, he paused, deciding to start with a simple greeting. Part of him was a bit nervous, but he tapped send before he could second-guess himself. Izzy did always say that he was most expressive in text form.

6:43: Hi.

**6:45: WHO DARES DISTURB THE HIGH WARLOCK OF BROOKLYN?**

6:46: Okay then. It is I, High Warlock of Manhattan.

**6:47: Alec?**

6:47: ...Yes?

**6:49: My cat is trying to shed his weight in fur onto my bed right now.**

6:51: You have a cat? I should've known. I have a cat, too. He's a complete menace, named Church. It's ironic, as he's pretty much the embodiment of Satan.

**6:52: I'm staring to appreciate Chairman Meow a whole lot more.**

6:52: Chairman Meow?

**6:53: It seemed like the right name for him.**

6:55: Of course it did. Wait, like China's former leader, "Chairman" Mao Zedong?

**6:56: That wasn't my intention, but sure, if you want to put it that way. And aren't you just a wellspring of trivia?**

6:57: It's not like the knowledge is that obscure.

**6:59: Uh huh. Right.**

7:00: Why are you being so skeptical? Honestly!

**7:02: Sorry. It's hard to imagine you being a huge nerd. Well, maybe it's not.**

7:04: Is there anything wrong with being a nerd? I have to go now, anyways.

**7:05: You'd make a cute nerd. Bye, Warlock of Manhattan. **

7:06: Bye, Warlock of Brooklyn.

**7:06: You didn't protest. Now I get to call you that.**

On that note, Alec shut off his phone and plugged it in to charge, still smiling. When he came downstairs, Jace had already spread out the takeout boxes across the table, all in neat, orderly rows. Max was curled up in his chair, reading manga.

"You're OCD tendencies are rearing their big, ugly faces," Alec laughed, staring at the obsessively arranged boxes.

"It just makes sense when everything in its place, okay? Just because you three are unorganized swines doesn't mean that I can't make order from the chaos."

"Chaos?" Izzy snickered. Max tittered from his corner.

"Yes, chaos!" Jace narrowed his eyes at her. "You can never understand!"

"Never understand what?" To the quartet's shock, Maryse and Robert stood in the doorway, removing their coats and setting down their bags.

"Nothing." Jace's eyes dulled a bit, turning from their customary gold into bronze. Izzy's smile seemed forced. Max, ever hopeful, ran into their mother's arms. Things weren't always like this, Alec reflected.

"He needs pills." Alec beamed genuinely as he answered, and Robert blinked a few times before turning to frown at Jace.

"Pills? Young man, what-?"

"He's joking, Dad." Max explained patiently, tilting his head.

"Alec rarely, if ever, will joke." Maryse looked bamboozled as she took her seat.

"How would you know? You see me for like, what, maybe six hours a week? I've changed since I was fourteen, Mom." Everyone stared at him in disbelief, and realizing that he had actually spoken out loud, he lowered his gaze, backing down. Izzy's dark eyes shone with pride.

"I'm sorry if you feel that way, but our jobs require us to be away from home frequently. Nothing else can be done in the matter." Robert sat down beside his wife, casting him a regretful glance. His parents were so oblivious to how hard things were for him that it finally pushed Alec over the edge. He was absolutely done with this bullshit. He channeled his inner confidence, finding it in a corner of his mind under a pile of discarded memories, covered in dust.

"Are you kidding me? You know who walked Max to and from the bus stop every day when he was in fifth grade, because we live in freaking Manhattan? You know, as in New York, where all the creepers and predators live? Do you know how I'm the one who has to make sure that Jace doesn't spend more than a night in a row at Clary's house and do things that he might regret, that I'm the one who stops Izzy from going to parties with boys that she barely knows? Are you aware that I'm the one who has to go and buy stuff sometimes when the fridge gets empty? I'm hardly a legal adult, but when I move out, who will do this sort of stuff?" Alec was clenching his fists, glaring at his parents as the torrent of words that he held back for so long came rushing out.

None of his family had seen Alec speak so openly in so long that they could only gape, stunned, from both his words and his gaze, which burned with intensity.

"Close your mouths, you'll catch flies," He added sharply, turning and swiftly scaling the stairs to retreat into his room. It hit him then, for the first time since his birthday. He was pretty much an adult. His teenage years had slipped through his fingers. And so he locked his door and sat with his back against the wall, grabbing a book from the ground and listlessly flicking through the pages over and over again for what felt like ages. Soon, the walls around him began to suffocate him.

Opening his window, he peered out at the dark, empty (except for the occasional straggler) street, which was only lit by a few street lamps. On the cold night air that carried traces of winter on its breeze, the acrid scent of hundreds of cars could easily be detected. In the distance, sirens and the roars of engines could be heard from the heart of the city. That was when he saw the silhouette of a person several buildings down, practically hanging halfway out of their window with their head craned upwards. They looked down at the road as a single car passed, and their focus moved to Alec. Just as he recognized the familiar figure, his phone vibrated, and he turned to retrieve it.

**9:03: Is that you?**

9:03: Yeah.

**9:04: I've always wished I could see more stars here in New York. In Indonesia, they were amazing.**

9:05: You lived in Indonesia?

**9:05: I was born there. Looks like I'll never be President :(**

9:05: Darn. I was hoping to see the nation's flag become sparkly someday.

**9:06: That's pretty sarcastic, even for you. What happened?**

9:08: I don't know. I just got tired of my parents and their disappearing act and I might've started yelling at them.

**9:10: Ooh, naughty! I argue with my dad all the time. He doesn't even give a damn,**

9:11: You're a bad influence.

**9:12: I'm so proud of you, sweets!** (Alec cringed at the endearment, if it even could be called one) **Tell me, what did their faces look like?** He glanced up from the glowing screen and saw Magnus sitting on the windowsill, with his legs dangling down.

9:14: Okay, first of all, don't fall off! When I was little, Jace used to say the if you went out on the streets at night, you would be eaten by the starving hobos in the alleys in seconds. I guess they just looked shocked that I spoke up. It's funny, they used to be so happy that I wasn't a loud and annoying kid like most others were. I suppose they still think of me the same way. I miss how it was when I was a middle-schooler. Things were way less complicated.

**9:16: A starving hobo wouldn't dare eat me. They'd get some sort of medical condition from ingesting the chemicals in my makeup and dye ;) Things probably were complicated, but you were too young to notice.**

9:17: Fourteen isn't young. Can we talk about something else?

**9:19: I would, but I've got to go. Chairman is trying to sacrifice me to the hobos.** Sure enough, a tiny cat was just barely visible behind Magnus, nudging him with his head. Alec wondered where Church was. He hadn't seen the grumpy old Persian in almost two days. Then again, he always turned up somewhere.

9:21: Okay, see you tomorrow.

**9:21: Goodnight! Xoxo! (You're blushing now, aren't you?)**

9:30: ...Yes. Goodnight.

Alec shut off his phone and watched Magnus methodically maneuver his long legs back into his house before vanishing from view. He shut his own window and sighed. He was hungry, and had to go downstairs eventually. Was he ready to talk to his parents civilly without getting upset or angry? Probably not. Was he going to try and fail? Of course! Because he was an idiot, and according to someone who was a little more than a friend, it was okay to "fuck up royally".

* * *

**A/N: Okay, I typed most of this Monday when I stayed home, sick. Evidently, 180 students were out sick that day with the same virus, so now my mission is to find the person who started this school epidemic and either kill them or thank them for giving me extra time for leisure activities. Anyways, thanks for the reviews, follows, and favs, hope this was okay, I'll try to update next Sunday, and to everyone who's reading, stay awesome ;)**


	8. Chapter 8

His parents were nowhere to be found when Alec came back to the dining room. Instead, Jace, Izzy, and Max were seated around the table forlornly eating burgers, which is a huge feat, in silence. That was when he knew that he had fucked up big time, and that it was absolutely not okay. He immediately felt like a boulder had crushed him.

"Where's Mom and Dad?" Alec's soft voice rang out in the heavy quiet of the room.

"I think Mom was crying when she went outside. Dad followed her and now they're sitting in the car." Izzy looked like she didn't know whether to be triumphant or miserable. Jace watched him with dark eyes, unblinking. Max's face was obscured by a magazine, which was upside down. He was completely still.

"I'm sorry, I just couldn't handle doing nothing again." Alec felt empty. It was a familiar emotion.

"It's not your fault. They needed to know how you felt, Alec. I don't think that any of us knew what you thought. You're so hard to read. You'll shout at me for picking a fight with Verlac one minute, and be too nervous to talk in public the next." Jace's voice softened, and he stood, face-to-face with Alec. Alec unconsciously straightened, which he almost never did, and found, to his shock, that he was actually taller than Jace by an inch or two. Jace looked a bit surprised as well, but didn't comment.

"You don't need to take care of us, you know. We promise that we'll be careful. For you. We don't need our parents."

"You're wrong. I do. Who was there to take care of me? I can't deny that I need them, Jace. I can't. Remember that one night, last year? At the Pandemonium?" At the name of the club, Jace and Izzy's faces fell.

"I've regretted what I did that day every day since then." Jace whispered.

"You need to hear what happened from my perspective. I snuck into the club with you. I didn't stop you like I should have. When Jace insisted that I have some beer, I chose to drink it, like the idiot that I am. Turned out, the bartender had spiked it." At this, Izzy gasped and Jace groaned, covering his face. Max peered out from behind the magazine, eyes a little bit teary but wide and alert. "I was more drunk than both of you combined. That was what you didn't know. Before I was completely stoned, I tried to call Mom, then Dad. Neither of them answered. That was when I stopped remembering things. I know that I left the club, that my judgement was impaired. What I can remember was that sometime later, when the Pandemonium was closing and we were all too drunk to drive, I had to act like I wasn't intoxicated. To this day, I don't know how I didn't wreck the car and kill us all. The only thing on my mind was that I had to pay attention to the road and the other cars. I was terrified."

"Oh my God, Alec, I'm so, so sorry." Jace looked tortured now.

"After you guys went to sleep, I discovered where I had gone." Alec laughed weakly at this. He then lifted his shirt and turned around, revealing a red tattooed symbol between his shoulder blades. "I'm surprised no one's ever noticed it. I can't even fathom it, to be truthful. I can't believe that I went to a fucking tattoo parlor, completely drunk, and got someone to tattoo the Angelic Rune onto my back. I don't know how or why, but it happened."

"The Angelic Rune! I remember when we were obsessed with those mythological Shadowhunters as kids." Izzy stared at the inked design, recognition flickering in her eyes.

"That was why you refused to go to the pool with us this summer," Max realized. The trio jumped, forgetting that he was in the room with them.

"I was terrified, and I hated myself for not being more careful. That was the first time I did stupid, thoughtless things, the first time that I broke down since I stopped having panic attacks. Getting my phone from the school and hightailing it out of there was the second. The third was today."

"You need to talk this out with Mom and Dad. They need to understand what it means to be a parent, because you never deserved any of this. You're the best of us, Alec, you and Max, and you get the raw end of the deal." Jace shook his head, not knowing that he was nearly quoting Izzy word for word.

"I remember when showed us how much they cared. We all do. And they still care, they just don't realize that Max is just thirteen, that Izzy is sixteen, that you, Jace, are seventeen. You're still a bunch of reckless teenagers. I'm that one eldest kid who did everything right while despising myself for being so weak-willed, until I cracked under all the pressure. I messed up and I'm sorry. If I hadn't said anything to them earlier, then we could have just continued the way we were. And we would've been okay. But now, things are going to inevitably change. Maybe for the better, but maybe for the worse." Alec hardened himself, refusing to let his fear shine through his eyes.

"Oh, Alexander." Alec whipped around, seeing Maryse and Robert standing in the doorway. His mother enveloped him in her arms, and he inexplicably went limp, feeling like a lost child. Everything was stacking up into a mass of confusion and doubt and false hopes. Magnus had thrown himself into the equation, made Alec think that he could be fixed, and then Alec himself got cocky and thought that he could do it, thought that he could just let everyone see who he was, who he wanted to be. This completely shattered everything inside of him, to have his mother hug him again.

"How much did you hear?" Alec hated to hear his voice shake. He didn't want anyone to know that he was afraid. That he was so weak once his stupid, worthless walls fell away.

"I know about the tattoo. Let me see." His mother lifted the back of his shirt and her cool finger traced the marking. "Well, it's not as bad as it could be." She pursed her lips.

"Why didn't any of you say anything? I feel like I've failed you. You could've told us." His dad closed his eyes, guilt wracking his features.

"You always had such high expectations." Izzy spat. "Instead of us all having to grow up before our time, Alec took the weight. He suffered because of you. You didn't do anything to make us feel like we could talk to you. You're so distant and official. We aren't convicts or medical patients, we're your kids!"

At this, Max ran upstairs, covering his face. He was such a sweet, peaceful boy that nobody could hate, and he despised the fractures in their family bonds. He had to be too brave for too long. All of his siblings did.

"I'm going to stop working during the weekend and be home by five every day." Maryse promised firmly, her voice reverting back to its normal, sharp tones.

"And I'll see what I can do about my working hours as well," Robert added. "I know we can't fix everything, and we can't pretend that we were the responsible parents that we should've been, but we'll try to do the best we can for you kids."

"And one more thing. Who's the Clary that you mentioned earlier?" Maryse added, looking a bit confused. The siblings exchanged a glance.

"I think I'll let you handle this. I'm going to bed. I wasn't really hungry anyways." Alec pulled away from his mother almost forcefully and turned away from her, heading back into his room. Izzy slipped away after him.

"We need to have a real talk with you specifically, Alec, after school tomorrow, okay?" Maryse called after him. He made a noise that she hopefully interpreted as agreement before collapsing on his mattress in his bedroom.

Alec heard a screeching noise and jumped back as a large, furry gray creature emerged from underneath his bed. "What the fuck?!"

"MRRREEOOWWW!" Church caterwauled, leaping at him. Scoring his claws across Alec's arm, he dashed from the room. Why did they have to get one of those freak cats that could open doors? Alec let out a string of expletives, clutching his arm, which was bleeding quite badly. He stumbled to the bathroom, digging around with his uninjured hand for a roll of gauze.

Wrapping the deep cuts, he aimed a kick at the cat, who was grooming in the corner. The feline's fur bushed up, and he flew downstairs, bouncing off the walls. A few yelps sounded from the lower floor. Jace yelled a few words that shouldn't even be repeated in a rated T FanFiction, which caused his parents to start reprimanding him sternly. Alec smirked as he brushed his teeth and listened to Jace try to explain that Clary was his girlfriend without actually using the phrase. He was in bed at ten o'clock, but was the last one awake before sleep claimed him. No more lapses in judgement, he told himself. No more mistakes.

"Stupid Devil Cat left some lasting scars." Alec grumbled the next morning, having had to peel the gauze, which was glued to his skin with dried blood, off of his arm.

"He needs to be put down!" Jace declared, still looking a bit traumatized from getting a condensed version of The Talk the previous night.

"Leave Church alone!" Max scooped up the ancient feline, and it actually purred. The boy was the only person that Church liked.

"Don't touch that monster! After disappearing for a week, he eats an entire tube of my favorite lipstick, plastic and all, and is still alive and somewhat normal-looking."

"So, do you think that Mom and Dad are actually going to be home this evening?" Jace asked, spreading unholy amounts of Nutella on his toast. The Lightwoods all looked at Alec.

"I'm giving them one chance. And that stuff is going to put you in a coma after giving you twenty different hyperactivity disorders." Alec nodded towards the mounting heap of spread.

"I ate an entire jar of that on a dare, and it didn't even do anything." Max put in unhelpfully.

"Please don't do that ever again." Isabelle handed Max his backpack. "I'm supposed to be the trouble child of the group. Now go, and don't miss your bus." She pushed him towards the door, laughing. He turned to make a face at her before the door shut behind him.

"I just wanted to warn you, last night Mom and Dad were asking me a lot of questions about you," Jace told him offhandedly, dumping his plate into the sink.

"I know that they're going to home in on me. I wasn't thinking straight at all yesterday, sleep deprivation and all that, and things got sort of dramatic. You made my trials seem worse than they are." He chewed his lip, wringing his hands.

"You're in denial." Izzy snorted. "I know that you've been hurting inside."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Are too!" Alec copied her.

"Am not! Wait, what?" Izzy replayed her sentence in her head, and then glared at him. "I hate you and your mind tricks."

"Oh, that hit me right here," Alec placed a hand over his heart, pretending to look pained. Izzy actually opened her mouth to apologize before realizing that he was kidding, and instead smacked him. Hard. "Ow!" He narrowed his eyes at her.

"That's what happens when you mess with me." She smiled triumphantly, tossing her head, and left, her book bag slung over her shoulder.

"That is one terrifying woman." Jace watched the door that she'd left through warily.

"And Clary isn't? She's got a fiery temper to match her hair."

"Iz is a different level of terrifying. She could be like some sort of vampire-slaying warrior or something."

"And she'd kill them with her stilettos." Alec shook his head, sighing. "Makes my job easier, not having to protect her too much."

"It's not your responsibility." Jace placed a hand on his shoulder momentarily.

"It feels like it is. Old habits die hard." They walked beside each other along the sidewalk, and Alec listened patiently as Jace ranted about how Simon and Clary were trying to convince him to go to the ComicCon with them, and how Sebastian Morgernstern was always looking at Clary, and Clary, Clary, more Clary.

"You're whipped." Alec muttered. Jace didn't hear him, still gesturing wildly while scanning the group of people at the bus stop for his girlfriend. Locating her, he waved at Alec and briskly strode away. No matter how much his siblings tried to make his business their own, they had their own lives and people to hang around. Speaking of that…

"Alexander! Guess who!" A pair of hands encircled his head, covering his eyes.

"Not funny, Magnus." He pulled away, glancing around cautiously. It was a known fact that Alec didn't usually appreciate being touched or spoken to, unless the person doing so was family or a friend.

"Well someone's a lot grumpier than they were last night…"

"Nothing happened," Alec said quickly before realizing that Magnus hadn't asked a question. He turned red but pointedly kept his eyes locked onto the other boy's.

"Were your parents mad?" Magnus tilted his head sympathetically. Alec shrugged.

"I sort of wish that they were. I shouldn't have exploded at them, and I messed things up. I don't know why I thought that things would be okay, that I could do anything other than being me. You led me into this mess."

"I never denied that it's a "blind leading the blind" situation here. And what is "being you", exactly?"

"I don't know! That's the problem! I thought I found myself, and I was happy not having to worry excessively about what I did and said, and things went wrong."

"Not all things." At these three words, Alec lost all of his fight, and the tension left his shoulders.

"True." They stared at each other for a moment before Jace came out of nowhere and shoved Magnus, sending him stumbling back a few feet. He found his balance and gave Jace a look of disdain.

"Such a refined way with expressing yourself." Magnus snorted.

"I'm watching you harass my brother, you know," Jace snapped. "You're obviously making him uncomfortable." Jace turned his gaze on Alec. "What did he say to you?"

"He didn't do anything wrong, leave him alone." Alec stepped between the two of them and gave him the same look he gave him when he came home one day sporting a bloody lip from fighting with Val Morgernstern. Jace backed away, raising his hands in surrender.

"Sorry, I'm just trying to look out for you-"

"I'm your older brother, and I can look out for myself just fine, thanks." Why was life so complicated? Jace's intentions were good, but he was quick to fight unnecessary battles.

"Ooooh, you need some ice for that burn?" Jordan chuckled. Maia also had watched the exchange with a raised eyebrow.

"Please drop it." The bus screeched to a halt in front of them, and Alec slipped in, choosing a seat in the very back row and sliding down low enough that no one could see him unless they were beside him. Students filed in, chattering and laughing as always, while he scrutinized a suspicious looking smudge on the window. He felt someone sit down beside him, but opted not to react. Until an arm wrapped around his shoulder, that was.

"Wha-"

"Nobody's going to see us," Magnus said quietly, his lips turning up in that smug smirk. He was right. No one could see them from their current positions.

"Sorry that I'm sort of being on edge. As in, being so standoffish."

"You're not being anything other than adorably annoyed, darling. In case you wanted to know, my dad got mad at me last night too. When I drove my car to school, I dented it a tiny, minuscule bit, and I got the "responsibility" speech."

"What about your mom?"

"She died when I was little. Killed herself." Magnus's expression darkened.

"I'm sorry, and I know that's probably what everyone says. But I really am." Stupid, stupid! Why did he have to clumsily bring up a painful topic and then attempt to apologize for it?

"Why? You didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't your fault. If anyone, it was me to blame."

"I'm sure it wasn't…"

"You don't need to worry your pretty little head about it." Magnus sighed, bringing his knees up to his chest and planting his feet on the edge of the seat.

"I can worry as much as I want. You don't tell me what to do." Alec allowed a hint of defiance to creep into his voice and offered Magnus a small smile before tentatively relaxing his shoulders. Magnus was sitting so close to him that their shoulders were practically touching. This peaceful silence was short-lived, and the bus stopped, sending everyone into motion. Students scrambled out like clowns out of a tiny clown car. Alec and Magnus jumped apart, and only then did he see Magnus's mask, one so flawless that it was only noticeable when he donned it. Magnus's face was now regal and aloof. He lifted his chin just ever-so-slightly, and noticing Alec's questioning look, just gave him a grin full of secrets. It was going to be a long day.

* * *

**A/N: So, first of all, I'll acknowledge the fact that people are sort of OOC. Secondly, thank you to everyone who leaves reviews, follows, and/or favorites. Criticism is very welcome. My updating schedule will be thrown off this month because of end-of-year testing, so the next update may take awhile. WARNING: SPOILER ALERT FOR NEXT CHAPTER - THERE WILL BE A CANON CHARACTER DEATH. Now, like the big meanie I am, I'll leave you hanging with that one. My first attempt at an OMG level cliffhanger. Anywho, thanks for reading, hope this wasn't too bad (I didn't have much revision time), and stay awesome guys ;)**


	9. Chapter 9

It was, in fact, a long day. Longer than he could have ever imagined. Alec tried to school his features into an image of nonchalance whenever he saw Magnus, and Magnus, surprisingly, honored Alec's wishes of keeping their relationship vaguely platonic in public. But that didn't stop the stares and whispers. Gossip spread like wildfire throughout the school. The son of Asmodeus Bane befriending that Lightwood kid who never says or does much? It was common knowledge now.

"I have to ask you, why be friends with _him_?" Jace asked him during lunch before Magnus had showed up.

"Alec can choose his own friends." Clary elbowed him in the ribs, causing him to yelp. He pretended to turn on her, raising his fist threateningly while Simon snickered uncontrollably.

"Shut up, Lewis." Jace casually flipped him off.

"Bravo, Shakespeare. Put so eloquently." Simon rolled his eyes, returning the gesture with great gusto.

"My sentiments exactly," Magnus agreed, sliding into the seat next to Alec and stealing a grape from his lunch tray. He immediately pinched up his face in disgust. "Dear Lilith, how old was that thing?"

"I'm guessing you previously went to a private school, where everything was safe to eat. Beware, you have entered a new world where there is no food you can trust. You must be taught what is safe and what isn't." Izzy said with an air of mock-superiority. Jace simply glared Magnus down until Clary gently placed a hand on his arm and drew him into conversation, casting Alec an apologetic look.

To his surprise, Simon and Izzy were actually having an animated discussion. The boy was explaining to her the plot of Star Wars. Given Isabelle's attention span, she'd be distracted by something else before he even got to the part with Darth Maul. So far, though, she was listening to him thoughtfully, inserting a comment every few sentences.

"You're being awfully quiet," Magnus declared, bumping their shoulders. "Whatcha thinking about?"

"If my parents are home today by five, then things will actually be different. It'll mean that they are taking their promise seriously." Alec answered softly, keeping his eyes on his mostly untouched food but not seeing it. Magnus waved a hand in front of his face, stealing his attention.

"I'll cross my fingers for you." He held up said fingers as if they were incriminating evidence of a crime of some sort.

"You do know that it actually jinxes it when you do that, right?" Alec sighed, as if bestowing common knowledge upon a clueless and lesser being.

"I knew you had to have a bit of arrogance in you!" Magnus crowed, looking ridiculously triumphant.

"Alec's never arrogant." Jace turned away from Clary to gape at Magnus as though he was a madman.

"How dare you? My father will hear about this!" Alec put on a superior expression, but his voice was too mellow to have a meaningful impact.

"Oh my God." Simon and Clary were gazing at him with newfound respect. "Did you really just quote-?"

"Yeah." Alec blushed and averted his eyes, and the teacher assistants started dismissing students back to class.

"I'm gonna blow this pop stand, see you losers later," Isabelle stood, tossing away her trash. Jace stuck his tongue out at her childishly.

"Hey, Alec." Aline and Helen joined Izzy's side.

"Oh, hi." He mumbled, fiddling with his watch.

"Is that the way to greet a longtime family friend?" Aline pretended to look injured.

"I just saw you Thursday." Against his will, Alec's lips turned up slightly.

"Oh my God, I made you smile!" She turned to Helen. "You owe me twenty bucks."

Helen Blackthorn was a petite girl, almost as pale as Alec, with white-gold hair that fell in ringlets and almost fairy-like pointed ears. "I didn't bet you twenty, I bet you ten!"

"It was twenty!"

"You bet on making me smile?" Alec stared at them incredulously, while Izzy tried to hold in her laughter at the look on his face. "Are you serious?"

"Well, Alec here did all the work with his facial muscles, so he should get half of the money." Magnus spoke up, directing the girls' attention to himself and off of Alec, which he was immensely grateful for.

"You're Magnus Bane! I did hear that you and Alec are friends."

"Well, it is hard not to know of my fabulous self. Would you like an autograph, or even better, a signed t-shirt?"

"Your modesty knows no bounds." Alec snorted. The others observed his interactions with Magnus with wide, disbelieving eyes. He felt himself grow more self-conscious under their gazes.

"Let's go." Magnus said briskly, saving Alec from any confrontation. He closed his hand around his wrist and pulled him out of the cafeteria.

"Thanks." He muttered, meeting the taller teen's eyes cautiously.

"We're going to be late, let's hurry." Magnus continued on down the hallway, and he followed behind him obediently. Alec wondered why Magnus's voice was so forcefully level. He got his answer when Magnus finally threw up his arms in exasperation. "You can't be afraid to voice your opinions and thoughts in front of friends!"

"I just… I don't know…" Alec couldn't understand why Magnus cared so much.

"I know you can do it. I know you have a voice in your head that is completely your own. But I don't know what you're afraid of!"

"Maybe people won't like the "real me". Maybe I'll be even more weird and awkward." Alec stopped in front of his Calculus classroom and turned to face him.

"I like you." Magnus gave his shoulder a squeeze before they went their separate ways.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. When the bell rang, the sound of freedom, as Jace liked to call it, Alec found Simon waiting at his locker. They weren't the closest friends, so that surprised him a bit, but the reason for his presence soon became clear.

"Hey, Alec. Uhh, can you tell Isabelle that she left her binder in Latin? She forgot it there, and the teacher's holding onto it, even though I told him that I know her. Our misguided instructors have no trust in their charges these days, apparently."

"Sure…? That's the only reason you're here?"

"Not really." Simon shifted nervously, sparking Alec's interest. The locker area began to empty out, so they walked alongside each other as they descended the stairs. "Do you think that it's possible that someone like me could… y'know?" He lowered his voice a bit, trailing off.

"Oh!" Alec's eyes stretched wide as realization set in. Simon was a good guy, as far as he could tell. And Izzy seemed to like him in general. "I honestly don't know. She doesn't really talk about that sort of thing much with me, but I know more about her than I'm credited for. I'll see if I can… have some sort of conversation with her about it-"

"Please don't tell her!" Simon cut his off quickly.

"Do I look like I want to face punishment for dabbling in her affairs?" Alec sighed. "Maybe you should just ask her. She wants to be liked for her personality, not her looks. That's all I can tell you."

"Thanks, man." Simon ran a hand through his hair. "I thought I was going to get the intimidating Big Brother talk."

"Me? Intimidating?"

"I dunno. Maybe." They were outside now, near the buses. "See you around."

"Good luck." Alec didn't bother to watch him depart, but instead climbed into his own bus and claimed his usual seat in the back. He was so caught up with thoughts of Simon and Izzy that he didn't notice when Magnus sat down beside him.

"Want some gum?" Magnus offered him a stick. Alec stared at it with glazed eyes, as if it was a foreign object to him. "Well, someone's three thousand miles away."

"Wait, what?"

"Gum."

"No thanks." Alec drummed his fingers on his leg absentmindedly.

"What's wrong now?"

"Nothing. I'm just thinking."

"About what? What? What? What? Wha-?" Magnus punctuated every word with a nudge.

"You're worse that Jace!" Alec elbowed him none too gently.

"Ouch! That might leave a bruise! I'm going to sue you now. And how dare you compare me to Goldilocks?"

"I don't know. How dare I?"

"I'm quite impressed with how you turned that around." Magnus sat back in his seat, stuffing the pack of gum into his bag again.

"High praise from the "Magnificent Magnus Bane". I'm honored."

"Uh huh, yeah, you should be."

"Damn, Alec, check this out!" Isabelle shouted from the front of the bus. Jace's phone went flying across the vehicle, and he somehow managed to catch it, ignoring his brother's complaints and threats.

"Oooh, what is it?" Magnus examined the image over Alec's shoulder. To put it simply, Jace and Clary were in it, making out. "Not bad, but they look like their going to suck each other's faces off."

"Why do I need to know this?" Alec called back to Izzy, probably the first time that he'd raised his voice in public in a long time, and soon everyone was trying to snatch the phone to see the picture.

"Here, I'll save you." Magnus swiftly sent the photo to Alec's phone, deleted it from Jace's, and deleted his texting history. "I deleted it!" He proclaimed to the mob.

"Aww, why you gotta be like that?" Jonathan complained. "I want to see what my little sis is up to."

"I don't want my brother dead quite yet." Alec muttered to him quietly, and Jonathan's green eyes sharpened.

"Were they-?"

"No. Just performing hardcore mouth-to-mouth resuscitation." Magnus answered blithely.

As Jonathan groaned, Alec tossed the phone back over to Izzy, who passed it to Jace with a gleam in her eye. Clary and Alec were both identically red in the face, Clary from humiliation and Alec from being conspicuous. People started ribbing Jonathan, who was still slightly pale, and the duo were in their own private bubble once more.

"You should forward that to everyone you know." Magnus snickered.

"I wouldn't do that to him. He's a thorn in my side sometimes, but he's family, and with the shit we've been dealing with lately, he doesn't need to be given any more grief."

"Okay, I'll keep this information in my head somewhere: Alexander Lightwood is a better person than I."

"I'm not above future blackmail." Alec added, shielding the lower half of his face and cheeks with his joined fists.

"Still better than what I'd do, if I weren't an only, motherless child." Magnus sighed.

"You lose points for playing the Motherless card in an irrelevant situation." Alec tried to keep the fake, light tone of the mood, lest they venture into the deeper, more serious undercurrents.

"Okay. I'll accept that penalty. What points I lose?"

"One hundred points from Slytherin." Alec's voice held an eerie similarity to Will's when he used a surprisingly accurate British accent.

"I'm not a Slytherin! I'd be a Hufflepuff. No one ever credits them enough. You'd be a Ravenclaw."

"When did I ever give you the impression that I'm clever, or smart?"

"I can tell just by talking to you." On that note, the doors swung open and everyone exited the bus.

"I'm not really. I'm just a normal person, like everyone else."

"You're special."

"Isn't everyone?" Alec retorted.

"You're special to me." If the people living in Alec's neighborhood were any less oblivious, his secret would be out by now.

"Shhhh."

"Aww, so I can't tell the truth?"

"Magnus, please."

"Fine, fine. I'll see you tomorrow then, Alexander. Bye." Alec watched Magnus take out his key and unlock his door in one fluid move, disappearing inside.

"Can you tell Jordan that pissing off Freaky Boy Verlac isn't a good idea? You're pretty good at diffusing Jace." He spun around to see Maia standing behind him, her sullen boyfriend in tow, and slowed to a stop.

"It's not really any of my business…"

"He called Maia this racial slur _while_ flirting with her like the sicko he is, _right in front of me!_" Jordan fumed.

"It's not a good idea to get on his bad side. Remember what happened to Seelie last year when she broke up with him after one week of dating?" The trio winced at the memory. "Feel free to have a verbal abuse session, but last time Jace went at him, it didn't go very well." Blood across the floor. Sebastian's twisted leer. Memories flashed behind his eyes.

"I know, man, but he needs to be taught a lesson."

"At least get some backup. The Praetor Lupus sides with you, right?" Alec saw Izzy and Jace enter their townhouse from out of the corner of his eye.

"Yeah, Maia and I are still affiliated with them. Woolsey hates Verlac as well, so there'll be no problem with backup." The Praetor Lupus was a club formed by Woolsey Scott, for all the kids with ADHD. More people than anyone expected had joined, and the group itself had been around since Alec was in sixth grade.

"You're supposed to convince him not to!" Maia scowled at him halfheartedly, but she seemed less inclined to go against violence.

"I'm not saying he should, but I can't and don't want to tell people what to do." Alec kept his voice neutral, calm.

"Thanks. She doesn't understand that sometimes, even the most chill guy needs to just punch someone in the face. You know what I mean? And you know that I don't always jump straight to beating people up. Hell, I even meditate!" Jordan exclaimed to him, and Maia swatted at his arm, her face breaking into a smile. Alec simply nodded, although he never really had the stomach for seeing students fight each other. That usually led to hospital visits. And he was in no way, shape, or form, a fan of those.

"At least someone doesn't have bees in their brain." Maia touched Alec's shoulder. "You've been looking tired lately. Are you okay? And this morning, with Jace and Magnus. I've never seen you get irritated like that before."

"I'm fine. Stuff happens. Thanks for asking, but it's okay."

"Let me know if you want to talk, okay?"

"Okay. See you around." Alec stepped inside, out of the chilly wind. He found Jace and Max sitting on the worn green couch, doing nothing in particular, while in the kitchen, he could hear pots and pans clanging.

"She's cooking," Max explained, his voice a horrified whisper.

"Oh, Angel, no, please no. Tell me you're joking." Alec gasped.

Jace groaned, shutting his eyes. "He's telling the truth." Someone unfamiliar with Izzy's cooking would think that they were exaggerating, but to be truthful, it really was that bad. As in, once she accidentally added some "herbs" from their little community garden into a salad, which turned out to be a poisonous plant of some sort. Jace had to get his stomach pumped. He probably still had nightmares about it. Izzy no longer poisoned her food, but it never tasted quite right, either.

"Alec! We ran out of tomato sauce. I don't have time to make any, so can you go and buy some?" Isabelle called, balancing two full bowls of pasta and a beaker (no one knew why) in her arms.

"I'll come too!" Max shouted immediately, wanting to get out of the building in case of toxic fumes. They were very lucky that she wasn't making the sauce herself. That would've made things all the worse. Alec very much hoped that his parents would actually be home at five, because Izzy, although her cooking was terrible, had good intentions and was going through a lot of trouble to make something for Maryse and Robert.

"Fine. I'll just be up till midnight doing homework." He sighed, hoping to make her feel slightly guilty for sending him back out as soon as he'd arrived.

"It doesn't really matter, let's just go." Max insisted, tugging on his arm.

"Fine." Alec grabbed his wallet, which was on the counter, and strode back outside, Max in tow.

"Izzy told me that she knows that you're gay." Max said after a beat, glancing up at his eldest brother. Good thing that they were the only ones out.

"Yeah, I know."

"You should tell Jace." Alec looked up from the sidewalk, where his gaze was previously fixed. He was silent for a long moment.

"I'll tell him soon, just give me some time."

"And Alec?" Max continued, dropping his voice.

"Yes?"

"I think I might be bi."

"What?" The last thing that he would ever want was for Max to go through what he had. But the younger boy's eyes were shining, and he didn't look ashamed or afraid. He looked… confident. Sure of himself. More than Alec ever was.

"I don't think I want to tell anyone else yet, because they might not understand. But I know you do. Besides, I want to make sure."

"And then, someday we can go to LGBT parades and ride on unicorn-themed floats, waving around the Pride flag." Alec joked for his little brother's sake, pushing his shock aside for the time being. It boggled his mind. Max… bisexual? Like Magnus?

"Haha. I'll hold you to that." They stopped in front of Trader Joe's and hurriedly bought a random brand of tomato sauce, seeing as they had around ten minutes to get back before Izzy decapitated them. As they walked back down the few blocks it was to their house, Alec recognized a couple around fifty yards ahead of them. Was that… Maia and Jordan? The roar of an engine caught his attention, and he turned to see a black Mercedes of some sort careen onto the sidewalk… and smash into Jordan, before speeding away. Everything froze. Maia's shrill scream pierced the air, and Max was hyperventilating, his voice high-pitched and full of disbelief and fear.

"Fucking hell, I think he's dead!" Max screeched. Alec had stiffened up, mind going blank.

"I'm calling the police!" A woman yelled, whipping out her phone. Alec felt a familiar wave of intense fear, and began to shake. His heart raced, his head spun, and he felt like he couldn't breathe. Max saw him and swore even more, which Alec would scold him for in the future.

"Godammit! You're having an attack, aren't you? Do you need to go to the hospital?"

"Mom and Dad can't know! Don't tell anyone!" Alec begged, his voice seeming to echo in his ears. He watched, numb, and Maia held Jordan's mangled body to her chest, sobbing so hard that her despair was tangible. Passerby stopped to stare, some calling the police, some approaching to offer comfort. Quite a show of humanity, seeing as it was Manhattan, where the norm was that no one gave a fuck. Sirens rang out, and Max led Alec to a bench, where he clenched the rusty metal armrest until his knuckles turned white. Red blood was sprayed across the old, cracked sidewalk. It was a beautiful and terrible color, that deep, rich red. Unique and foreboding. There was so much of it. So much.

At around ten minutes, Alec's panic attack reached its peak. He experienced hot and cold flashes, became detached from his surroundings. Nausea threatened to make him vomit.

"Alec, Alec," Max's voice seemed tinny to his ears. It didn't matter. He was going to die. He was going to go crazy. He was losing control.

"No no no no no no…" Alec curled into a fetal position, feeling almost unbearable pain in his chest.

"He's having a panic attack," Max explained to the paramedic leaning over him. He blinked dumbly, fears of death and insanity running through his mind while his heart vibrated in his chest. Nothing could help him.

"You don't seem so surprised. Is it a regular condition?"

"He stopped having attacks when he was around fourteen, after taking benzodiazepines for treatment. Before that, all throughout his middle school years, he had pretty bad agoraphobia, had attacks maybe once or twice every two months or so. His first was when he was eleven."

"And how old is he now?" Asked the paramedic, checking his pulse expertly.

"Eight-t-teen." Alec's voice shook as he answered for himself. He took in another shuddering gasp.

"It'll be over soon." The man soothed, glancing backwards to exchange a look with the driver of the ambulance. It wasn't moving, so that meant that Jordan's body was inside, and that he was definitely and forever dead. The crowd was beginning to disperse. Maia, tears still streaming down her face and blood soaking her white shirt, saw Alec, meeting his eyes. She saw him in a moment of childlike weakness. And even with everything that she was going through, she offered him a tight smile before going to talk to the driver.

Slowly, as the minutes trickled by, Alec felt himself relax, his labored breathing and pounding heart slow. The paramedic nodded to the policewoman who was waiting against the wall. Alec hadn't noticed her before.

"I'm really sorry to do this to you in this state, kid, but I need your cellphone number. Your account of events will be needed once we catch whoever was drunk-driving." The cop sighed, shaking her head at the flaws of society.

"It wasn't an accident, I don't think. The car was going straight until it deliberately swerved just far enough to hit Jordan, and then it sped off." Alec mumbled.

"Jordan? You know the victim?"

"He's a friend. I-I literally was just talking to him less than an hour ago."

"Okay. Again, I'm sorry. Could we have you at the station tomorrow evening?"

"I don't think he'll be able to go anywhere that early. It takes him a few days to recover." Max jumped in, taking up an almost defensive position next to his brother.

"That's alright. Do you need a ride home?"

"Shit!" Alec cursed, checking his watch. "We're half an hour late. I've probably got a million texts from various family members." He noticed his hand, which was still trembling slightly. Sighing, he flexed it a few times, shaking it out.

"I'll give you a ride." The policewoman decided firmly. "I'm Officer Jenny, by the way."

"I'm Max, he's Alec. Lightwood, that is."

"Lightwood? Oh, you're from that family." She raised her eyebrows. "Just sit in the back, I promise not to cuff you." Max laughed weakly.

"I hope not." They sat beside each other, Max still holding the tomato sauce, which seemed stupid now, as Officer Jenny spoke to the paramedic one last time before sitting in the driver's seat.

"New York traffic, you gotta hate it," She commented. "Want me to turn on the siren, kid?" Max looked a bit affronted at being repeatedly referred to as a child, but he smiled nevertheless.

"Is it okay, Alec?" He asked worriedly. Alec nodded wordlessly, gazing out of the window. He truly had thought that he was done with the attacks. But they were just as painful and terrifying as ever. Four years was nowhere near long enough of a break. And he felt a harrowing suspicion that he knew exactly who owned the Mercedes. Things had gotten real now. There was more than just Alec and his problems and emotions. Because someone else was going to die before it was all over. He could feel it.

The car cut through traffic like a knife, skidding to a stop in front of their house. Robert, Maryse, Jace, and Izzy ran outside, staring at the police car. Alec felt a small comfort in the fact that they'd actually kept their promise. But by the Angel, this would take a long time to explain.

* * *

**A/N: Check out this beast! Over 4000 words. I am pretty proud of myself right now. Don't expect me to keep this up, though! I figured I at least owed you this, since I may only be able to update once or twice in the rest of this month's duration. A lot of you thought that it was Max who was going to die, which I was sort of going for. Trickery! Muahaha! Thanks for your support in the form of favorites, follows, and reviews. I didn't actually think that people would like this much. Of course, one must always lower their expectations, so if they fail, then they would be emotionally prepared, and if they were to succeed, then they would be pleasantly surprised. Anyways, I'm going to change the coverart of this soon, and it might sort of suck because I drew it, but whatever. Sorry for killing Jordan, but not really, because I lack a soul, and stay awesome, guys ;)**

Oh, and if you caught the two references (the ones that aren't glaringly obvious), then you get a cookie (::)!


	10. Chapter 10

**Some of the things mentioned below may possibly be found offensive, such as Magnus's rant on homophobia. I don't think it'll pose much of an issue, but here's a fair warning, just to be sure.**

* * *

"Alexander! Max! What happened?" Maryse gasped, seeing Alec's sickly pallor and dull eyes. "Did they cause any trouble?" She directed this question to Officer Jenny.

"No, ma'am. I think we might want to take this inside, and let the boys rest. They've seen something terrible that some people live their entire lives without. And the older one, Alec was it? He had a panic attack. To my knowledge, he's had a history of them, correct?"

"He had an attack?" Izzy demanded, running to his side. "You okay?" She whispered.

"I'm fine, it's Max you should worry about. He saw someone get murdered and handled it better than I could ever hope to." Alec shrugged her off gently.

"Who got murdered? What happened?" Robert's eyes were wide in horror.

"We can talk about it at a great length later, but the children need seeing to." Officer Jenny replied firmly. She evidently called anyone younger than her a child, but Alec was partly grateful for it. It made him feel like he had less expected of him, less responsibility.

"Come on, let's go upstairs." Jace beckoned to Max, who had stood there silently throughout the entire exchange, and let Alec lean on him as they slowly trudged inside.

"At least I don't have to eat the pasta." Alec smiled forcefully, and Jace faked a laugh. It was sad that they kept up the cheerful facade even when it was just them.

"I'm going to bed now." Max murmured. "Tell our parents and Izzy that I said goodnight."

"Will do, Maxattack." Jace ruffled his hair, and Max ducked away, scowling.

"Don't call me that!" He closed his door behind him, and Alec couldn't help but genuinely crack up.

"It all seems so petty, and we're so awful at pretending to be okay."

"Then let's stop pretending. Who died?"

"Someone purposely ran over Jordan and killed him right in front of us." Alec decided to leave out the part about it probably being Sebastian.

"Are you fucking serious? Jordan Kyle? Dead?" Jace shook his head, momentarily grieving for their friend in his own way.

"Yeah. I freaked out, and Max helped me. He's really growing up."

"Too fast, it seems."

"It feels like yesterday that you were that age, and I was fourteen. I was borderline emo at that stage. Most embarrassing year of my life, looking back on it. And then there was you, who wanted to be a pro football player. What a cliché." Alec chuckled as Jace opened his mouth, then closed it. There was no excuse for his past actions.

"You should go to sleep. If you have another attack, then you'll probably end up at the hospital."

"True. Tell Iz that I need I have a private conversation with her as soon as possible tomorrow." Alec closed the door, but not before seeing Jace's slightly hurt expression. Had he somehow been tactless? But he was completely exhausted, and fell asleep easily. And that was when the nightmares came.

* * *

_Alec was standing on the side of the road on an empty street. Night had fallen and the moon in the sky was tinted red, casting a strange glow across Manhattan. Under a single street lamp stood one person. Jordan. He was turned away, so Alec couldn't see his face._

_"Jordan?" He called across the street. The wind picked up, and as it howled, the ominous roar of an engine sounded. He looked up and saw the black Mercedes, which faded into nothingness before it hit Jordan. But nevertheless, the boy collapsed. Alec ran across the road to his side, and that was when Jordan sat up, limbs still broken, bloody, and mangled, and twisted his head around to face him._

_His eyes were blank and bloodshot, and his nose was broken. His teeth were shattered, but he was smiling in an eerily peculiar fashion. And there was even more blood. Blood. Blood. Blood. It ran in rivulets, pouring out of Jordan's body in an endless tide. Footsteps sounded out behind him, and Alec turned, still unable to scream. Sebastian was there, with eyes completely black and a smile identical to Jordan's._

_"You're the only one who suspects, you know. Even the girl, Maia, would never imagine me doing such a thing. You and I and Jordan here all know better, don't we?" Sebastian laughed, and it was cold and hard and humorless. Alec's feet were rooted to the ground. "But then again, you have that condition, don't you? You get scared and are immediately rendered helpless, trapped in a cloud of your own fear. Totally incapacitated. You did it to yourself. It was always your own doing, constantly being so careful, so nervous and scared. Now how about you watch as everyone else dies, and you can't move, can't breathe, can't think?"_

_When Sebastian finished talking, bodies upon bodies appeared, filling the streets. Every person that Alec had ever known was dead, with broken bones and missing extremities. And all the blood. A dark cloud rolled over the moon, and Alec was sent into pitch-black darkness. Someone screamed._

* * *

"Alexander!" A man shouted, and Alec was thrown back into the waking world. His father leaned over his, brow creased in concern. "You were screaming and trembling, I couldn't get you to wake up."

"What were you dreaming about?" Izzy asked, sitting at the foot of his bed.

Alec fixed them with a dead stare, contemplating the pros and cons of telling the truth. "Death." He answered truthfully, and then realized that he probably shouldn't make his family question his mental stability.

"Oh no…" Maryse closed her eyes. "I thought that maybe this one attack was just a fluke, that you would be okay. But you were disturbed enough to really be starting the cycle again…"

"Don't blame yourself, nothing could have been done. It's Jordan that we should be grieving for." Everyone turned towards the voice, shocked that Max could speak so sharply.

"You two need to go to school." Robert said to Jace and Izzy, the tone in his voice implying that he was dismissing them. They cast Alec apologetic looks and slunk away. "And Max, you'll have a talk with a psychologist. Alexander, you'll have one too once you've recovered."

"I don't need one! I need M-" He realized what he was about to say and pressed his lips together so tightly that not another sound could possibly come out.

"You need what?" Max asked curiously.

"Nothing."

"We're taking Max to see Doctor Solace now. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call us back." Maryse hugged him, and then turned to follow Robert out of the bedroom. For around an hour, Alec drew what he'd seen in his dreams. Maybe out of a false hope that the images could be transferred from his head into a physical spot. That he could erase them from his mind.

At around eleven o'clock, he received a text message from Magnus.

**11:07: ****Alexander, what happened? We heard on the announcements that Jordan Kyle died somehow (died! I mean, wtf?), Maia Roberts, his girlfriend, isn't at school, Jace and Isabelle won't say anything, and I don't know if you're okay. Text me back or I might do something drastic.**

11:10: I'm not dead or mortally injured if that's what you're asking.

**11:12: What happened to you? Why aren't you in school? It has to do with Kyle, doesn't it?**

11:13: Magnus, I really can't talk about it right now.

**11:15: You can type about it though.**

11:17: I can't type about it either.

**11:18: The drastic thing I'm about to do is about to happen in 5…**

**11:19: 4…**

11:19: MAGNUS.

**11:20: 3…**

11:20: What are you going to do?! Alec sighed and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. May the Angel save him.

**11:21: 2…**

11:21: Please don't do anything that you'll regret.

**11:22: 1! Time's up! I'm coming over.**

11:23: But you're at school!

**11:24: It's called skipping, Sweets. Have you honestly never faked being sick to get out of school? Anyways, see you in half an hour, tops.**

11:25: I actually have. Once. I don't talk about it.

11:26: Wait, you could get in trouble. Don't risk it for me.

11:27: Are you still there?

11:28: I can't believe you.

Alec shut off his phone and decided to get up to brush his teeth and change. He wasn't going to act completely sickly and bedridden just because he needed to keep his stress and anxiety levels at a low. Making his way downstairs, he grabbed his laptop and searched some calming techniques. He used to know the list by heart.

The doorbell rang, and he jumped, heart pounding faster and harder than it should be, just from being startled. He took a few breaths, in and out, before opening the door. True to his word, Magnus stood there, backpack over his shoulder.

"How'd you get here?" Alec asked. A stupid question, really, and irrelevant, but Magnus smiled at him.

"I pulled in a favor or two. Quite a few people owe me something." And he wouldn't say anything more on the subject. "Now tell me everything, and I'll know if you're lying." He sat down on the sofa beside him, and Alec rolled his eyes but leaned in close to him all the same.

"It'll take a long time to explain. First and foremost, I need you to know that I'm prone to panic attacks."

"Panic attacks?" Magnus gazed at him in pity. He hated pity. Loathed it, despised it, abhorred it.

"Yeah. Um, I was actually diagnosed with panic disorder when I was twelve. I handled it well enough that when given treatment, I haven't had one since I was fourteen, not counting yesterday. Maybe because I tend to suppress my emotions, which is why sometimes I don't really react to things externally." He lowered his eyes. "If you ask any longtime classmates, they can tell you that in middle school I used to be inexplicably absent for prolonged periods of time."

"You said that your parents sort of stopped caring as much when you were fourteen," Magnus realized.

"You could say that. Once I didn't have some disorder that made me stay home a lot, constantly be internally freaking out, take different medications, and act generally depressed, they thought that I was completely fine. Like it was my only problem. They didn't even stop to wonder why I developed the disorder."

"Why did you panic yesterday? It had to do with Jordan Kyle, right? No one deserves to die young."

And the words poured out of Alec, twisted and bitter. Maybe after hearing how screwed up he was, Magnus wouldn't want to be around him much anymore. He told him everything, the blood, how he felt with his mind clouded in fear and doubt, how horrific his dreams were. Somewhere during the explanation, Alec had ended up nestled right up against Magnus. His voice shook as he finished with describing the piles of ruined bodies. "And now I'll have sessions with a psychologist, which is probably for the better." Not that he believed that.

"I used to have sessions with a psychologist." Magnus admitted. "When my mother-"

"You don't need to feel obligated to tell me this, just to make me feel less damaged than I am. I know I'm all "deeply disturbed and mentally scarred". It's a fact I can deal with."

"I'm just as damaged as you, if you call being the way you are damaged! Just let me tell you, okay? You're one of the few people I can be honest with." Magnus tipped his head back and closed his eyes. "My mother had been unstable for a while. My dad had left her before I was born, and she'd married another man. My eyes used to be a more muted color, but when I was five years old and they changed, she convinced herself that I was demon spawn and hung herself in our barn. I was the one that found her. My stepfather never liked me, never thought of me as his son. He barely managed to tolerate me until I was almost ten. And then, one day, he got drunk and attempted to drown me. I've been terrified of water ever since. Luckily, I somehow managed to push him off of me. He fell into the river and he himself drowned. I felt like I had killed him, and it made me feel extremely guilty for a long time. I was found by a pastor, Brother Enoch, and Dad became my legal guardian. He doesn't care too much about me, just pays for all necessities and lets me buy what I want, as long as I don't get too crazy. Since then, I've lived in London, Paris, Brooklyn, and now here."

"You handle things so well. I would be completely broken. I would've evacuated my own mind." Alec shuddered, imagining finding Maryse's dead body at such a young age.

"You would've been okay. You're stronger than you think."

"Please, don't lie. I developed panic disorder because at one point, I thought I was in love with Jace. I was disgusted by myself. I was gay, and if that wasn't bad enough, it was my own brother. That was when I started getting really anxious. I couldn't be who my parents wanted me to be. I tried to be inconspicuous for a few years, just lying low and putting my siblings wholly before myself, and then struggled to find my identity again after being a blank slate for so long. And even now, it's so hard for me. I began to change myself to fit other people's expectations and needs. Added to the fact that I witnessed someone getting murdered and I think I know who killed them, it's just too much."

"People have always been hard on those who don't want to be the gender they were born as, or those of us who want to be with someone of the same gender. It's why some of us commit suicide, why some of us lie to ourselves out entire lives, living in denial and pretending to love people we don't. I've seen people destroy themselves over this. I've known people who killed themselves over it. Things are getting better, granted, but there is still so much hate." Magnus's eyes burned with emotion. "It's all because of some stupid bigots and closed-mindedness. The fact that some are teaching their kids that it's a sick choice that some people who are wrong in the head make also contributes to this sort of stuff. I mean, seriously. In this day and age, when we are in what is called a "free country". A free country in which some people make who you love their business, and try condemning you on the basis of their religion. It just pisses me off a lot. And don't even get me started on the Westboro Baptist Church unless you want me charging over there with a couple sticks of dynamite."

"It's just what some people believe, just like how there are still racist and sexist people. There always have been, there always will be. I've accepted that there will always be those who will jeer and taunt me, given that I'll ever be brave to come out. So, I want you to promise to forcefully shove me out of the closet if I turn twenty and still am "trying to find Narnia", as you so astutely phrased it." Alec shrugged, trying to calm Magnus down before he got worked up as well. In his condition, it could set off another attack, just like that. Truthfully, he secretly agreed with his almost-ish boyfriend and was glad that he was so brutally honest with his opinions.

"You have my word." Magnus said solemnly. Then he suddenly grinned. "You think we'll still keep in touch in two years?"

"Maybe…" He pretended to think about it.

"You'd better keep in touch. I'll never find someone as cute as you."

Alec's cheeks turned red so quickly it looked like someone had slapped him. "Why must you make me feel so awkward?"

"You sound like Tessa when you talk like that. One would think that she was brought up in Victorian London. She's always reading these super old romantic novels."

"How do you know them? As in, Tessa, Jem, and Will. From Brooklyn?"

"Yeah. Will's sort of like the Jace of St. Clare's Academy. Tessa and Jem are much quieter. All three of them have those tragic backstories that belong to the protagonist in most Disney movies. In fact, a lot of people I know do. Everyone has a story, their own trials." Magnus lifted a shoulder, letting it fall.

Alec thought of how Simon used to love Clary. Her real father had left her and her mother when she was a baby. Simon now was falling for Isabelle. She struggled to find a real boyfriend, someone who she could maybe love for real. Jace, who was just like Izzy before he met Clary. Max, who was wise and courageous beyond his years. Maia, who'd offered him a smile in a moment of pain and heartbreak. "I glad we had this talk. I like to be able to tell the full truth." He let a teasing smirk grow on his face. "You're smarter than you seem." Magnus blinked at him mutely for a few seconds before he caught on.

"What's that supposed to imply?" He demanded, trying not to laugh.

"Nothing at all." Alec's breath caught in in throat as Magnus intertwined their fingers. He hesitated. Did he really feel this way towards Magnus? He thought he did. It was worth finding out. Their lips connected, and for an entire minute, there was no Sebastian, no deaths or nightmares or risks or panic attacks.

"So you're telling me that you've never kissed anyone else before?" Magnus stared at him, eyes bright.

"Never." Alec shook his head.

"Wow."

"So… are we officially dating?" Angel, this was hard.

"Hmm? What did you say?" But Magnus was snickering, and Alec knew that he'd heard him. What a jerk.

"Magnus Bane, I will make myself have a panic attack and proceed to die within five feet of you." Alec jokingly threatened. But the other teen's face revealed his discomfort.

"Are you serious? Like, could you just have one at will? Could you die?"

"I could possibly have an attack if I stopped concentrating on staying calm, I guess. I'm not going to die. A few people with panic disorder could, since they sometimes develop it from excessive drug and/or alcohol usage, and they'll probably have other health problems as well if that's the case, like asthma." He realized how much he sounded like a medical book, reciting all of the hows, whys, and whats, and quickly shut his mouth.

"Okay, okay, I get it. I won't mess with you anymore. And yes, if that's what you want."

"Okay." Alec knew that he was still pink in the face. Was there some sort of surgical procedure that eliminated any visible blushing?

"Okay? That's your response? How anticlimactic."

"What else is there to say?"

"Your point has been made. Although proposing on the spot could work. Speaking of that, my friends in Brooklyn are throwing a party this Sunday. If you want, I could sneak you out and drive you there, ninja style."

"I'm not sure… they don't know me, and it might be a bit awkward." Alec bit his lip.

"If you knew the company I keep, you wouldn't be worried."

"I'll think about it." The sound of an engine roared, and Alec's eyes snapped to the clock. Holy crap, it was already one o'clock! His parents were home with Max.

"Shit, what do we do? You're not supposed to be here!" Alec felt his heart speed up and started to gasp.

"Shhhh, it'll be okay, it'll be fine." Magnus whispered. "I'll hide out in your room and slip out later."

"Okay, come on!" Alec took deep breaths as he led Magnus to his room. Raziel damn it, he'd forgotten that all of his sketches of the monstrosities of his nightmare were strewn across his bed. But it was too late. The front door opened, and the two of them disappeared up the stairs before they were seen. Magnus looked around, picking up one of the sketch pads. It was the one of Sebastian's face, full of malice and delight at Alec's anguish.

"I wish these things didn't happen to you in your sleep." Magnus murmured, placing the paper aside and moving to sit beside him. "I didn't know that you liked to draw."

"People who draw don't like other people to use the word "draw" when describing what they do. It seems less professional, more like they're a child with crayons."

"Well, then, you're good at penciling."

"That's an acceptable word, I suppose."

"Wait, that's an actual word?"

"…Yes?"

"Alec? Who are you talking to?" Max asked suspiciously, peering in. They hadn't even heard him come up the stairs.

"Max, come inside and don't tell Mom or Dad!" Alec hissed, pulling him in and locking the door behind him. Turning to Magnus, he whispered, "See what happens when you don't what what penciling means?"

"I know what it means, I just didn't know that it officially existed." Magnus argued. Turning to Max, he beamed widely.

"Hello! I am a magical warlock, little boy, and I am all just a figment of your imagination."

"Why is there a glittery psychopath who treats me like a small, naive child in your room?" Max asked Alec without breaking his gaze away from Magnus, who didn't look fazed from being called a psychopath.

"Magnus, don't be like that! Max, this is my… boyfriend."

"Oh. Hi." Max raised an eyebrow.

"The Lightwood family has such a way with words." Magnus observed.

"You're trying to hide because you guys weren't watching the clock, right? Try the window." Max rolled his eyes at his older brother's antics, not surprised in the slightest.

"Good idea." Magnus opened the window and started to clamber out.

"Don't fall! We're on the second story!" Alec warned, watching him worriedly but pasting on a joking smile, as if he were sure that it wasn't possible.

"It's okay, Darling, I'm too fabulous to die. Now observe my parkour skills." Magnus slithered down the wall clumsily, landing on the top of the first-floor window. Then, he hopped down to the sidewalk, stumbling a little bit. It was the least graceful Alec had ever seen him. He tossed his backpack down to him, holding in his laughter.

"I don't think you know what parkour is." He whisper-called down to him.

"Hey, it's a general term, okay? Text me later!" He blew him a kiss, which caused Max to snigger. Alec blushed (again), casting a nervous look at Max, and gave him a tight smile in return.

"Okay, bye." He shut the window reluctantly.

"I think we need to have a talk…" Max began.

"Save it for when Izzy gets home. How was Doctor Solace?"

"He's actually pretty cool. I guess that's not too hard to believe, him being one of the youngest professionals of his practice. Maybe twenty one years old. Not manipulative, that's for sure. And he isn't a complete hypocrite, he knows what it's like to see people die. He told me that once, while he was in a summer camp, a gang attacked them and killed a lot of the campers."

"What did he talk to you about?" Alec was stalling. What would he do about Jace? How does a person come out to a brother around the same age, who they used to have a crush on?

"He just asked me to tell him everything, and that was it. And the best part is, strict confidentiality. Mom and Dad had to wait in a separate room, and he doesn't tell them what we talked about."

"Well, I'll be able to delay for maybe a week before I'll be considered stable enough to get help or something. I really don't want to, it's not like I can't sort myself out by myself."

Max blinked, looking astonished. "I think that Sparkle Dude is helping you more than any doctor could."

"His name's Magnus," Alec corrected, and then it occurred to him that he shouldn't act like he cared so much.

"Magnus." Max tested out the name. "Oh! He's that guy that everyone at my school's talking about, with the super-rich dad. If they had so much money, why would they move here?"

Alec had a feeling that Magnus wouldn't like to be known as the guy with the rich dad, but didn't voice the thought. "I don't know. I haven't asked him."

"Well, I'm glad you have a someone, at any rate. Mom and Dad want to talk to you after lunch. We brought some stuff from McDonald's." They both wrinkled their noses at the word.

"McDonald's? You've got to be kidding." It didn't matter in the scheme of things, but still.

"I tried to convince them otherwise, but we were hurrying home and it was the only place close by." Max shrugged.

Alec slowly descended the steps and sat down at the table, refusing to touch any food. He wasn't hungry at all. In fact, the prospect of having a heart-to-heart with his parents made him feel sick.

"Why aren't you eating? Are you okay?" Maryse could have been a robot, stiffly trying to express maternal concern where there wasn't any. Alec noted that neither of them were eating anything either and snorted. Hypocrites.

"Oh, I'm fine, why wouldn't I be? My friend died yesterday, which barely anyone seems to care much about, and no one but me has a freaking clue about who did it." Alec mumbled incoherently. The small act of rebellion was enough to satisfy him at the moment. Besides, he could never dream of actually saying so out loud. He'd already pushed the limit two nights ago.

"What was that?" Robert's gaze locked onto his, and he had to look away.

"Nothing."

"Don't "nothing" me, I asked you what you just said." His father's voice had sharpened.

"I'm not hungry, and I want to get this over with as soon as possible, so please cut to the chase." The lie fell easily from his lips, and the worst part was that he didn't even feel guilty.

"You haven't eaten anything since, when, yesterday afternoon? Don't starve yourself." Maryse fixed him with a long stare. Her point was valid, so he started picking at his burger halfheartedly. "Now, I would like you to tell me where all of your…" She made a vague gesture, "tendencies of keeping your emotions a secret came from."

"Haven't you noticed that I've always been that way? It's part of who I am, which you don't seem to be too familiar with." Alec replied scathingly, keeping his face neutral.

"You have your secrets, Alexander, we're not stupid. We looked at your course selection yesterday, and you take Art, not German." Robert was watching him evenly. Alec knew he should have gotten rid of that paper, but it was too late now.

"I learned German, though. Why does it matter if I did what I said I did, and no less?" He retorted.

"But why did you take Art?" His mother pressed.

"Maybe I wanted to?" He could've been any other insolent teen, arguing with his parents.

"That's all you had to say." As if, he thought bitterly. The subject would crop up again sooner or later.

"Are we done?"

"You aren't acting like yourself, Alexander. I know that you aren't usually this aggravated. What did we do to make you angry? Is it because of your attack yesterday?" Alexander, Alexander, Alexander. His chosen name was Alec! Was it so hard to remember?

"Maybe it could possibly be because I watched my friend die yesterday." Alec suggested flatly, examining the tabletop with sudden fascination.

"I'm sorry, but there's nothing that can be done about it now but to remember him. You'll be okay now, won't you, as long as nothing like that happens again?"

"If by "okay", you mean that I won't have panic attacks left and right for the next ten years, then I suppose I am okay."

"You're twisting my words." Her mouth was a thin line on her face.

"I'm sorry. I just don't like talking." He hunched his shoulders, knowing full well that it was a lie. He liked talking to some people…

"I know, honey, I know. Is there anything you'd like to tell us? We can try this again some other time if you want."

"Yeah, some other time would be better." He agreed slowly. "I'm going back to my room." They didn't speak as he stood and made his way up the stairs, going two at a time as he neared the top. Retreating to his bedroom once more, he lay facedown on his bed and pulled his pillow over his head to block out the world. It was all because of his own inability to vanquish his fear that he couldn't admit it out loud. And of course, Magnus was the one who had started it all, the wrench thrown in the machine. And maybe that was what was necessary, for the machine to be broken so that it could be replaced by a better one.

A hand on his back made him jump out of his skin. In fact, he was so startled that he nearly fell off the bed. Trying to remain dignified, he sat up and fixed Max with a reprimanding glare. "Scare the shit out of me next time as well, why don't you?" Realizing his mistake, he pressed his hands over his mouth. "Sorry."

"Please, Alec, it's not like I haven't heard worse. Stop treating me like a child." Max rolled his eyes.

"Okay, Mr. Lightwood. Go pay the bills please." Alec tucked his legs beneath him and eyed the younger boy expectantly. Max scowled.

"You know what I mean. Stop deflecting just because you want to annoy me away. It won't work. You have to talk to me sooner or later."

"Stop assessing me so bluntly. I've already got at least one person doing that, and he can count as two or three people all on his own."

"You really like him, don't you? Magnus? I think I like him. He seems a lot like you."

"Not many people would agree with you."

"You both look like you pretend everything's okay when there's really something bothering you, and you both have a closet full of masks." Max grew even more serious.

"Doesn't everyone?"

"Sure. But not everyone constantly puts them into use. Your faces changed the instant I came into the room. He got forcefully cheery, and you tried to hide how much you cared for him with a shield of humor. You treated him like you would Jace. Sorry for ruining the moment, by the way."

"Well aren't you just a teen psychologist. Screw Doctor Solace, our parents could have you take a crack at me for free."

"I'm not telling you how to handle anything. I'm just putting it like how I saw it." Max shrugged. Alec wrung his hands for a moment, debating something internally.

"I'm thinking about sneaking out on Sunday to go to a party." Alec admitted. "Mom and Dad would kill me, of course. It's something Jace would do. But I still sort of want to. To show them I don't blindly follow the rules all of the time."

"Who're you kidding? I know you want free time with Magnus too." Max teased. "If you do it, I'll try and cover for you. Do whatever you think is the right thing to do. The right thing for _you_."

The right thing for him. Not for his parents or siblings. Not even for Magnus. But for him. "Then prepare your cover story." Alec smiled faintly. "I've got some juvenile delinquency to catch up on."

* * *

**A/N: And finally another chapter! Sorry for the wait, guys! Now I just have to do my Algebra final and my CPA, and I'm pretty much home free! I have a cameo in this that may be expanded on later, so all credit to Rick Riordan, as it's his character. And here's the cookies for anyone who caught the Harry Potter and Pokemon references (::)(::)(::).What do you guys think of the casting for the new TV show, Shadowhunters? I'm pretty happy with it myself. And yesterday, same-sex marriage was legalized in Ireland by popular vote! Kudos to you, Ireland! Thanks to everyone's support, and I'd like to thank ThereMayBeDragons, for being my most scrutinizing critic, which is definitely a good thing! Also, there was a guest that requested more Jilessa. The ship was met with a range of reactions, so I won't go too deep into it just because it isn't some people's cup of tea, but there will be some, I promise! I know I haven't changed my coverart yet, because I'm unable to upload it for some reason, but I am working on it. I may be wrong with some of my facts about panic attacks, so if there is anyone more knowledgable about it than I, I'd appreciate being corrected on my mistakes. Regular updates will be back in two or three weeks. did I cover everything? I hope I did. Thanks for reading, people of the world, and as always, stay awesome ;)**


	11. Chapter 11

"Jace thinks that you don't trust him, Alec. You go off, talking to us but not him, and he thinks that there's something he did wrong." Izzy sat on the foot of his bed beside Max, twirling a lock of hair on her finger.

"Raziel, I didn't think of it like that." Alec groaned. "I do trust him. I just don't know how to tell him." He chewed the inside of his cheek worriedly.

"Like this." Max swiveled to face their sister. "I'm bisexual, Iz."

"That is a good way to go about it." She agreed, oblivious to the fact that he was being serious.

"Things will be hard for you, Max. A lot of people don't understand. And there is a lot of hatred out there." Alec gazed at his little brother sadly.

"I understand that, Alec. I'm not ten. But it's who I am. I'm not going to be ashamed." Max met his eyes steadily. There was not a trace of doubt there. And Alec realized that Max was the bravest of the Lightwood kids. And he wasn't worried about him anymore. Max would be okay.

Isabelle stared at them, comprehension dawning on her face. "Wait, you're serious. You're serious! Oh my God!" She squealed, picking him up easily and spinning around. "Max! You actually surprised me! I mean, with Alec, I thought, could you get any gayer? Although I guess it depends on what gender you lean more towards." At her comment about his gayness, Alec elbowed her.

"Ow! Your elbow is like a knife!"

"Is not!"

"Shut up, the two of you, before I start wondering if you're twins." Max raised his voice.

"Ew!" They both jumped away from each other.

"I would've died if I had to occupy the womb with him beside me." Izzy complained.

"That's a bit harsh…"

"Sorry."

"Anyways," Max interrupted their banter, "Alec is about to do something that will make you very proud."

"Is he going to lose his virginity?" She gasped, a mischievous shine in her eyes.

"What the fuck?! No! Magnus and I would never… I mean, why would you…?" Alec turned bright red and hid his face. "Max, kill me now." Glancing up at Isabelle, he grumbled, "It's not like you'd know anything about losing your virginity anyways." When she stayed silent, he sat up straight and fixed her with a dangerous look. "You didn't. You fucking did not, Iz! You're smarter than that!"

"Izzy? Did you really?" Max whispered. "How? When? Who?"

"It was a mistake. And lower your voice." She clenched her fists.

"I will not! Isabelle Sofia, I will kill whoever it was, so help me—!" He glared at her, eyes afire and mouth set in a hard line.

"Calm down, I don't want to set you off!" Alec hadn't been genuinely angry in a long time, not like this. Isabelle sat him back down and hugged him tight. "I'm okay, Al, I'm okay. I'm sorry." She whispered. He slowed his breathing, but felt his heart rate, if anything, sped up.

He pressed a fist over his mouth, sinking to the ground. No, he didn't want this. Standing up jerkily, Alec shut his eyes. Breathe in. Breathe out. There is no way he would let this happen. He swallowed the lump in his throat and, with difficulty, stayed perfectly still. "I'm fine. But that doesn't mean Jace isn't going to hear about this."

"Did you just… stop an attack as it started to happen?" Max demanded in disbelief.

"I don't know." Alec shakily made his way into Jace's room without another word. He rapped on the door and waited a moment, hearing Jace quickly say goodbye to Clary before hanging up. The door opened.

"Done with your little "inner circle" conversation?" He asked dryly. His eyes widened when he noticed Alec's short breaths and trembling hands. "Are you okay?"

"Just peachy." His voice wavered. "Were you aware that Izzy has evidently had her cherry popped?"

"No. No, no, no. Where is she?" Jace brushed past Alec and stormed into his room. Alec followed reluctantly.

"It was Meliorn, we were both drunk, and we never spoke after. It happened a few months ago." She said flatly once he reentered the room along with their other brother.

"YOU NEED TO STOP GETTING DRUNK, IZ. YOU'RE SIXTEEN YEARS OLD, AND IT'S AGAINST THE LAW." Jace snapped. Alec decided not to pass a comment about how that was a bit like the pot calling the kettle black.

"I know, I'm sorry. It'll never happen again, I promise."

"I will kill him."

"I already called dibs." Alec corrected firmly. Max slowly inched out of the room, bolting once he got close enough to the door.

"Neither of you will do anything. He was drunk too, and we have an understanding that we won't talk anymore. And don't tell Mom or Dad, they'll have simultaneous heart attacks." Izzy continued, ignoring Max's panicked departure.

"Should I even ask why you got on this subject?" Jace turned to stare at Alec. "Anything you would like to tell me, dear brother? Have you gotten some poor girl pregnant?" His guess was so ridiculously off that Alec couldn't help but laugh hysterically. His sister joined in. The mood of the entire room took a 360. "Why are you laughing? I know that the notion is ridiculous, as the only person that girls will let impregnate them is me, but really?"

"I have never so much as kissed a girl in a romantic sense." Alec sighed, having a quick flashback of the fateful day in the library. There, he had allowed it. A hint at the truth.

"We need to change that." With relief evident on his face, Jace jokingly grabbed Isabelle, then Alec, and tried to push them together. Izzy wasn't having any of it. "Ow! Fuck!" Even Alec had to wince as Jace's face contorted. "Why'd you hit me there? Now the girls will be deprived of— what are you doing?" He demanded as Alec pinned him down with his full weight.

"You like incest so much? Practice what you preach!" Izzy shouted, and with relish, she leaned down lower, lower, until her face was an inch from Jace's.

"No! You're my sister! Stop! I'm sorry!" He tried to wiggle free, but Alec knew how to hold him down from many a physical fight when they were children.

"You don't love me? Your "all da ladies luv meh" attitude was just for show?" She asked innocently, puckering her lips. Alec knew that it was all a bluff, but the sight disturbed him nonetheless.

"Uh… is this a bad time?" Max, having wandered back to see if the tensions were still running high, had stopped to gawk at the three of them. Alec was sprawled on top of a struggling Jace while Isabelle had frozen with her lips an inch away from Jace's. "Dear God, I'm a child. Now look what you've done, I'll be mentally unstable for the rest of my young life." He shook his head, throwing up his arms and muttering about irresponsibility under his breath, leaving before they could explain.

"Dinner!" Maryse shouted from downstairs. For the first time in forever, she'd actually cooked something for them. The siblings regarded each other cautiously.

"Let's never speak of any of this ever again." Izzy suggested.

"I second that." Alec offered.

"Hey, do I look like I want to remember the downfall of my dignity?" Jace asked, which they took as agreement.

"There is something very wrong with this family." Alec sighed, rolling off of his brother, who sat up and cracked his neck.

"True, that. But who says that's a bad thing?" Isabelle slung her arms over her brothers' shoulders as they descended the stairs, and they didn't argue, lest they risk her wrath.

"Alexander, Isabelle, Jace." Robert greeted them as there entered the dining room. "Done hiding in your rooms? It seems like you're ignoring us now, not the other way around."

"Well, it's a difficult transition if you know what I mean." Izzy replied shortly.

"Shh!" Alec nudged her.

"Anyways, Alexander—" Maryse tried to cut off the argument before it expanded into something untamable.

"It's Alec, Mom. Always has been, always will be. Regardless of what my birth certificate says." Alec corrected her swiftly, surprised by his own forwardness.

"You're going recount what happened to Officer Jenny tomorrow afternoon. And Thursday, you have an appointment with Dr. Solace."

"I know, Mom. But I was thinking… is an appointment… really necessary?" He finished meekly, ducking his head.

"What do you mean?" Robert frowned, flummoxed.

"I… nothing. Never mind." He concentrated on his food, and the room went silent, except for the scraping of silverware on plates.

"Alec, can I talk to you? Y'know, in private?" Jace whispered so softly that he had to use a bit of sign language to convey his point. Alec pointedly narrowed his eyes, tipping his head to the side questioningly. Jace shot him a beseeching glance, looking down when Izzy's gaze drifted over. Alec dropped his shoulders, grudgingly nodding his assent.

"I've got to go… work on my English project." Alec muttered quickly, hoping that no one noticed his hesitation.

"We're not blind, Alexander. If you need to have a talk with your brother, there's nothing stopping you. Go ahead." His father watched the two of them in exasperation. Alec blushed, embarrassed, while Jace unceremoniously dragged him upstairs.

"I want to know what is up, Alec. There's something you're not telling me. Did I do something wrong? What happened?"

"I… I have something that I should've told you a while ago." Here it was. The moment of truth. He was uncertain, scared even. Jace was always the one he'd feared telling most. The object of his delusional affection in the past. "I'm—" His phone rang, cutting him off. Before he could answer it, Jace grabbed it and put it on speakerphone.

"Who is this?" Jace demanded while dodging away from his brother's attempt to snatch it back.

"I could be asking the same question." And Alec's heart nearly stopped. Magnus and Jace having a conversation could end catastrophically.

"Bane? Why do you want to talk to my brother? It's already pushing the limit that you wouldn't stop asking me about him earlier this morning."

"It's none of your business. Now, I would like to speak to Alexander." Magnus sounded… amused? Alec was going to murder him.

"Yeah, well, Alec is—" Alec elbowed him in the side and tore the phone from his grasp.

"Magnus? I'm on speakerphone, in the same room as Jace." He gasped, dodging away from said brother once more.

"Tough luck. So, are you in or out for Sunday?"

"I'm in." He agreed steadily. Jace shot him a look dark with suspicion.

"Alrighty then. See you around, Allie."

"Don't call me—!" Magnus hung up. "…that."

"What the fuck were you talking about? Why do you hang around with him so much?"

Oh Angel. He couldn't tell him now. Not when he was angry. "Jace, he's my friend, okay? Please understand that he's not hurting me or anything. He's just different from the other people I've met before. And you aren't in charge of my life. It's well past the time that I take control of my own."

"I'm glad that you're happier. But there's something about Glitter Boy that I don't like. And what are you doing Sunday? Joining a cult or something?"

"It's none of your business." Alec closed his eyes. "Please leave me alone."

"Why are you mad at me?" Jace's golden eyes were bright with guilt.

"I'm not angry. If anything, I'm afraid." Ugh, stupid Freudian slip!

"Afraid? Of me? Why? You're my brother, why can't you trust me like you trust Iz and Max." Jace took a step back, hurt. It was rare that Jace looked so troubled. "Is it because I was adopted?"

"No! It's not that. Blood means nothing to me. It's something else… you might not like me if I tell you."

"Alec, you don't have to worry about what I'll think. I'll stand by you no matter what."

"Just give me time, alright? It's nothing personal. It's me who's the problem." Alec turned away from him, crossing his arms protectively around himself. He heard Jace silently leave the room, and let out a breath. Closing the door behind him, he opened his drawer, digging out his sketch pad and a pencil. Tipping his head thoughtfully, he placed the tip to the paper.

* * *

**A/N: I'm sorry that I took so long. Hopefully I can get back to scheduled updates soon, as school is out now. This chapter came slowly, and is a product of writer's block, it which I had to tie up some lose ends and set the stage for the next series of events. It's more of a filler chapter, so I know it must be disappointing for those of you who were waiting so long for a huge one in which things actually happen. I'm planning on fixing that chapter in which Alec and Magnus were first texting, because looking back, it was almost horrendously OOC, so you can check on that if you want sometime later this week. Thanks to everyone who's reading, and as always, stay awesome, guys ;)**


	12. Chapter 12

Alec awoke the next morning feeling as if he hadn't slept at all. This was actually a frequent occurrence, so it didn't surprise him in the least. What did surprise him was that on floor next to his leg was half-finished sketch of his family. There was Max, sitting in a chair, while he, Jace, and Izzy sat, arms linked, on the ground in front of the younger boy. Robert and Maryse stood behind them, far away enough to raise suspicions as to why there was such a distance between them and their children. And none of the people he'd drawn had faces. It was a bit eerie, really. Maybe someday he would fill them in. But maybe he would leave it incomplete. Some things were better that way.

He stood, stretching and popping his joints and rolling the kinks out of his neck. Falling asleep in such a position was no fun, that was for sure. His sore body could attest to that. Alec decided to never fall asleep in a desk chair ever again.

The clock beside his bed informed him that it was already ten, which meant that his siblings were at school, and his parents were at work. So with a reluctant groan, he restrained himself from diving into bed and stepped out of his room.

Half and hour later, he slid into his Mustang with a protein bar clamped between his jaws and drove towards the police station. Officer Jenny would be waiting for his eyewitness account. Alec had no idea whether he'd mention Sebastian or not. If his instinct was was wrong, then he'd be falsely accusing him of murder. And he absolutely did not want Sebastian on his bad side. Parking his car, Alec nervously entered the station, wringing his hands.

"It's so odd here, isn't it, Serena? I mean, there's so many people!" A boy with a red and white baseball cap exclaimed as he passed. Said girl nodded.

"I know! I wonder if there are any showcases here!" She smiled. The youngest girl of the quartet giggled at that. "Hey! Don't be rude, Bonnie! I am not obsessed!"

"But what's the strangest is that there are no p—" The boy with glasses began. But Alec didn't hear the rest, as they'd disappeared around the corner. It was strange to find a group of kids wandering around the police station without any guardians with them. Not that Alec was one to judge others, being the person who mostly lived inside of his head. While he was turning things over in his head, Officer Jenny appeared in the doorway.

"Alexander Lightwood, come in." She invited warmly, which was unusual for a New York cop. "Sit down right here," She gestured to a chair in front of her desk, "and tell me everything. Try not to leave out a single detail."

Alec tried not to let anything slip his mind, but the edges of his memory were blurry, lost in his flash of panic that had occurred after the initial shock. He didn't mention Sebastian.

"Is there anyone who would know any enemies of Mr. Kyle's?" The officer questioned.

"You could ask the Praetor Lupus. They're a group for people with ADHD." Maybe they could tell her about Sebastian. As long as he wasn't involved. But what if it was Sebastian? And not mentioning him would mean another death. It was too late now. He was just being paranoid. That was all. There was nothing to worry about. There was barely any evidence of it being Sebastian anyways.

"Interesting. I'll have to look into that. Well, thank you for your time, Alexander. I hope you have better luck with your…um… condition." She looked embarrassed at her stammer, but Alec simply pasted on a grateful smile and made a beeline for the exit. Reliving that afternoon again hadn't done anything positive for him.

The rest of the day was spent at home. His parents had left some frozen meals for him to heat up, and when his brothers and sister came home, Alec was able to explain to Izzy how he was sneaking out to go to a party, feeling a worm of guilt settle in his stomach as he remembered how he'd behaved towards her last night. She'd actually screamed, proclaiming, rather loudly for his taste, that her brother was actually starting to get a social life. He'd cuffed her over the head at that, but she was too excited to care. Alec was lucky that she was, or else she might've retaliated with twice the force. Instead, she started a pillow fight, which Max was more than happy to join. His glasses were knocked off within the first thirty seconds, and the seventh grader decided to sit on the sidelines and hum the Star Wars theme tune while his older siblings fought it out. Some might call it childish behavior, but in his defense, she started it.

Jace was spending more and more time with Clary, and at the very moment was at the park with her. Most likely rebuking her for feeding the "monstrous demon ducks", which were actually adorable. Then again, Jace had always been afraid of ducks. That had been confirmed in a certain petting zoo incident which Alec decided that he'd rather not remember.

The next morning was just as uneventful. Alec was starting to doubt whether he'd even have another attack. At the least, he should go back to school tomorrow. It's not like he was sick. Unless, of course, the mysterious Doctor Solace pronounced him a psychopath and locked him up in a mental institution. Haha, he cracked himself up sometimes. That mental institution seemed a lot closer now.

"Bye, Mom and Dad!" Max called, hiking his backpack up a bit. He turned to Alec. "Bye, Al."

"Just when I thought my name couldn't get any shorter. Bye, Maxwell." Alec raised an eyebrow and snickered as Max scowled.

"Don't call me that." He scolded indignantly before closing the door behind him.

"Can you drive yourself?" Maryse asked briskly, checking her hair in the mirror.

"Yeah. Bye, Mom." Didn't he drive himself yesterday? What would hinder his ability to drive in the course of one uneventful day?

"Remember to leave at around one thirty if you want to get there in time." Her gaze softened. "Goodbye, Alexander."

"Why won't you call me Alec?" He queried, more intrigued now than annoyed. Her constant refusal to call him by his nickname made no sense.

"Because Alexander means "defender of men", and you've always been my angelic warrior. Silly, I know, but you're something special, Alexander. Don't ever forget that." With that bombshell, she left as well, leaving Alec to stand there, stunned. Had that been a poke at his belief in the Angels? Or had she been serious? The last time she'd said something like that to him had been so long ago he didn't even remember.

"Good luck with the shrink." Jace brushed past him on the way to the door, not meeting his eyes. They had only brief and chilly interactions since the night in which he almost came out but didn't. Isabelle, however, had no such qualms. She hugged him and told him not to seem too psychotic.

"If it were something I would do, don't do it," She advised, seemingly proud of herself for bestowing upon him that tidbit of wisdom.

"My new motto for life. Now go, don't be late, because I hate to see you try and drive before your coffee kicks in." He nudged her bodily, and she stumbled a bit. It surprised him, as he'd always assumed that she was stronger than him. At least her personality was, and it made her seem all the more untouchable. But it looked like last year's… escapades had actually amounted to something. No, he was not going to think about that again. Izzy flipped him off, displaying a manicured nail, and flounced off with an air of irritation. Alec watched her go, his smile fading. "Iz, wait."

"What? First you don't want me to be late, and now you're holding me up." She grew solemn at the serious expression on his face.

"I'm sorry about how I acted that night, with Meliorn and everything. It's just that… I don't want you to be hurt."

"I'm not that same little girl that you had to watch when Mom and Dad went out and left you in charge. I've grown up, Alec, believe it or not. Now you can live, really live, without having to worry about me or Jace or Max. Have fun with Magnus. He's good for you. And don't you dare mention our attempt to be crime-fighters, because we don't talk about that. I've been telling you time and time again, it's not your fault when bad things happen."

"I know. I'm trying. It's hard, though. And with Mom and Dad back in the picture—"

"What they chose to do is not your concern. What they do to their relationship with their kids, they do it to themselves."

"Max needs them. No matter how mature he is, he's still young."

"Yeah. Well, what can you do? Bye, Alec." With a little shrug, she ran off. What could he do? He could get his parents to take time out of work to be with their children. He could keep secrets, so many that it was hard to discern truth from behind his fortified walls. He could push Jace away from him and bring Izzy closer, only to push her away as well with his own insecurities. He could dump his troubles onto Max. He could have a relationship with a person who he never imagined could look twice at someone like him. But he couldn't free himself from the weight of his identity, who he was. That gray area that he still couldn't seem to find.

Robert had left over an hour ago, so in the quiet of the empty house, he selected a book, Around the World in 80 Days, from one of the haphazardly stacked piles around the couch. Against most assumptions made about him, he was not a neat freak. He was beginning to actually get into the book, despite the fact that the first chapter was quite boring.

That was, until his ringtone sounded from the kitchen.

"'Lo?" He mumbled as he tried to squash a yawn.

"Well, Angel, if you're that unenthusiastic to hear from me…"

"Magnus! Aren't you at school?"

"Nah, on the bus. Goldilocks is glaring at me, but at least he hasn't threatened me again yet." Magnus snorted.

"He threatened you? I'll make sure he won't again." Alec groaned. It felt a bit hypocritical of him to judge his brother, but he was frustrated with him nonetheless.

"It's fine. It wasn't too much of a threat, more along the lines of a warning. Evidently, I am not allowed to hurt you. Luckily, before I could blow his narrow mind out of his sloped skull, Isabelle stepped in. Said something about castrating him if he kept messing with me. She knows, doesn't she?"

"Yeah, she does. And that threat sounds very characteristic of her."

"Quite an impressive young lady indeed."

"By the Angel, don't say it like that. You sound like a Disney villain."

"You're so mean." Alec heard a rustling sound as he shifted his backpack. "You'll be at school tomorrow, right? I miss you."

"Don't act like I'm on a different continent. Yes, I'll be there tomorrow. Don't lose faith yet." Even as he rolled his eyes, Alec felt his spirits lift and the sound of his boyfriend's snickers.

"Is it wrong that I miss you, Darling? And also, Graymark said that we won't be graded on our research project because you're so very "sick". I have no problem with that, but do you think it's a bit unfair to other people?" Alec blushed, and then pondered the question, ultimately deciding that they should probably do the project anyways.

"And so Magnus Bane developed a conscience…"

"Hey! I take extreme offense to that!"

"Just kidding, Mags." Alec laughed.

"I like it when you call me that."

"Why do you make everything sound so suggestive? And I don't have a dirty mind, in case that's what you were going to say."

"I feel like you know me a little too well already."

"Says the person who can call me out for blushing in a text message."

"Touché, Mr. Lightwood. I've gotta go, talk to you later."

"See you." Alec hung up and set his book aside, resolving to finish it later. He began doodling a bird in flight on the back of his hand in pen, grateful for the mind-numbing process. Just as he finished the individual feathers, Maryse called him. He made sure to check the caller ID first this time.

"I just finished a heart transplant," She began as way of greeting, like it was a normal thing to cut open someone's chest and switch out one of their main internal organs. "Can you check and make sure I left my wallet at home? I'm almost certain that I haven't lost it, but it never hurts to make sure."

"Give me a sec." Was Alec the errand boy now? The prospect of school seemed inviting for once. "Yeah, it's on your dresser."

"Okay. Thank you, Alexander."

"Bye, Mom." He hung up without letting her get another word in edgewise. She was probably just calling to make sure he hadn't offed himself or something, he though bitterly. Glancing at the clock, Alec decided that he wasn't going to eat and instead drove to the psychologist's office. Once there, he sat in the waiting area, still , until he was called over.

To his surprise, Dr. Solace didn't look a day over twenty one. He had hair like Jace's, and light blue eyes that danced on a ridiculously cheerful face. This guy had a degree?

"Hi, um, you're Max's brother, right?" He shuffled his notes a bit. "So, I'd like to tell you right now that I'm a surgeon, not a psychologist. I'm standing in for my sister, Kayla. I do have some training in the field, but my healer abilities, my gift, as some people call it, don't exactly extend to the workings of the brain. But enough of that. Believe me, I know that sometimes parents can overreact and that these sessions are unnecessary. What is your opinion on the subject?" And so it began.

"I don't need therapy, or whatever, if that's what you're asking. And I'm not in denial, it's the truth. Someone else is helping me right now."

"And who may that be?" Dr. Solace inquired, a knowing smile gracing his lips. Alec was saved when the door opened and a young man the same age as the doctor stepped in. He was the polar opposite of him, though. He was deathly pale, had dark hair and eyes, and wearing all black.

"I've decided to grace you with my presence, Sunshine." The guy smirked, assessing Alec quite frankly.

"Nico! I have a client!" Solace hissed, his eyes sharpening.

"I can see that. Hmm, murder witness, prone to panic attacks…" Nico read over the doctor's shoulder. "I have a feeling that he's got quite a lot of time left." That was weird. A bit creepy, actually. What did the guy mean by that?

"I'm sorry about my boyfriend, he can be a bit…" Dr. Solace gestured helplessly towards said man, who crossed his arms. Boyfriend? Oh.

"You had to mention that?" Nico let out a slow breath. "Kayla is in New Rome for only two more days. Then, you can get back to your normal line of work."

"Can I leave?" Alec piped up hopefully.

"Nope," Doctor Solace answered, his gaze still locked onto Nico's.

"I don't mean any offense, but… you're dating?" Alec hated himself for asking. Why did he ask? Why did he even open his mouth?

"Oh, they never mean any offense," Nico grumbled, and it seemed almost as if all the shadows in the room grew restless. Doctor Solace reached over and gently took his hand. The intimate act was enough to make Alec avert his eyes.

"No, it's not like that!" Alec gasped hurriedly, dismayed. He didn't want these people to think that he was a homophobe or something. Especially if he had to have another session with this guy. "To answer your earlier question, my boyfriend's been helping me deal with some stuff."

The two of them blinked, wide eyed, until Doctor Solace gave him a blinding smile. "And formality goes out the window. Screw it, I'm Will. And I feel more like one of those annoying guidance councilors at school than a psychologist right now." The simple fact that two complete strangers didn't even pursue the fact that he was homosexual felt liberating.

"That's what I've been telling you." Nico snorted. "Anyways, welcome to our rainbow-y room of releasing suppressed feelings and tears."

"I'll meet you at Starbucks after my shift. But you're paying." Will tried to interject, a bit of late.

"I'm paying, because you have a coffee obsession? How is that fair? Although, I suppose my dad could pay for this one." They both snickered at this, and even Alec had to smile. It reminded him of something that Magnus would do, to dump the check on his father.

"Yes, yes, it's all well and good. Love you." Will looked exasperated. But Nico wasn't done.

"How were you even able to sub for Kayla when you're about as professional as an ostrich with its head stuck in a vacuum cleaner?"

"Shush. And don't you breathe a word about this to her." Will stood up and ushered him out, shutting the door quickly.

"So… I can go now?" Alec felt like doing anything but talking. Hell, he would log a thousand entries worth data rather than have a long, probing conversation.

"I'm really sorry about Nico. Your brother told you about how my summer camp was attacked, right? Well, Nico was hurt pretty badly, and I saved him. He wasn't happy about it, of course. He complained the entirety of the three days he spent in the infirmary. Anyways, I'm such a rambler, you shouldn't listen to me."

"It's fine." But Alec's bewilderment must've been visible on his face, for Will shook his head, a rueful grin twisting his mouth.

"Could you please not mention this to anyone else? I'm sort of under scrutiny as one of the world's youngest doctors, and it might look bad if people find out what a terrible psychologist I make."

"Okay. Um, thanks." Alec stood up, inching towards the door. He was unable to believe his luck. He had gotten the most incompetent and friendly person in the practice, and he didn't even have to talk about his feelings.

"Good luck." Dr. Solace, or Will, or whoever he was, flashed that too-bright smile at him again, and, feeling like he'd dodged a bullet, Alec drove back home. You never knew what sort of people you'd find in this city, and that's why he loved the place he grew up in. Because said people took attention away from people like him.

* * *

**A/N: Marriage equality in all fifty states! Hell yeah! A shame it didn't happen sooner. Sorry if this chapter was kind of... OOC? I'm not really sure XD. I think I'm done with cameos, unless one I recognize is requested, I suppose. My time skips are sort of clumsy as well, does anyone know how to write ones that aren't as awkward? At this point, I'm starting to hit my "Writer's Block Chapters". Ideas are welcome! This fic's hit over 5000 views, which is amazing, so thanks to all of you guys reading, and stay awesome ;)**


	13. Chapter 13

"Hey, Alec! Back from one of your little excursions to Mars or whatever?" Jonathan clapped him on the back as he tried to slip, unnoticed, towards the back of the bus and failed.

"Where were you, anyways?" Edmund pressed.

Alec didn't answer, but pressed his lips together and shook his head, pushing past him. He could feel the eyes on him. They were curious. That curiosity needed to be redirected, and soon. Wait. He looked around, and with a pang of sadness, realized that Maia wasn't there.

"Did you hear about Cassie and Jake?" Isabelle asked loudly, drawing attention to herself in a shameless, less-than-subtle way that somehow worked.

"Thank the Angels." Alec let out a breath of relief, sitting down next to his boyfriend. Magnus raised an eyebrow, smiling slightly.

"Goldilocks is glaring at you, Alexander."

Alec peered over the seats and confirmed that Jace was indeed glancing between him and Magnus pointedly. He returned his gaze with equal intensity, staring him down in a war between gold and blue. Both refused to back down, and, as if she could feel the electricity crackling over her head, Maureen, who was sitting in front of him, shuddered and sank lower in her seat.

Clary whispered something to Jace, and Magnus squeezed Alec's hand, and the battle of willpower was left to another day.

"So, about Sunday… I devised a fabulous, devious, and infallible plan to sneak you out without your parents noticing," Magnus began in hushed tones.

"Without noticing my absence at all?" Alec questioned skeptically.

"Lilith, no! What am I, a warlock? They're going to notice when you disappear for an entire day on a weekend! I do hope you took that into account when agreeing to come."

"Of course I did, I'm no idiot. But what, may I ask, is the ultimately infallible plan of Magnus Bane?"

"Well, first, you have to wake up at some ungodly hour of the morning, like six or something."

"It has to be earlier in order to evade my parents."

"Are you kidding me? The things I do for you." Magnus shook his head. "Anyways, get up at five, use the facilities like normal human beings tend to do, and get dressed in twenty minutes, max. Then, you'll have to jump out to window like I did, I'll be waiting for you in my car."

"I'm almost afraid to ask what your car looks like."

"You'll know it when you see it. So, I'll show you up with my epic escape driver skills and we're home free and on the way to Brooklyn."

"Good plan. Ten out of ten, would use again."

"Hey, it probably will work. Ninety percent guaranteed."

"And the other ten percent?"

"I owe you ice cream."

"Which translates to: Things will go horribly wrong."

"I'm offering ice cream, Alexander. _Ice cream_."

"Fine. We'll use your somewhat questionable plan, because I trust you explicitly."

"Why is my plan questionable?"

"Because if your car is loud and/or neon, and someone in the neighborhood notices and decides to observe it, then soon everyone will know that Alec Lightwood and Magnus Bane are going somewhere together in the early hours of the morning."

"My dad won't care, and knowing you, you probably have a playbook of excuses."

"Maybe not that many. Max and Izzy will cover for me, and Izzy in particular is good at running interference."

"It's your family." Magnus shrugged. "Are you sure you want to do this? I'm not trying to discourage you, but you still seem a bit uncertain."

"I'm doing it." Alec said resolutely.

"Alright then. A word of warning, though, some of my friends can be a bit… much." Magnus laughed quietly.

"I've dealt with Jace for fourteen years, and Izzy for sixteen, I think I can take it." Alec offered him a crooked smile in return.

The bus jolted to a stop, throwing all of its occupants forward. A few people even hit their heads on the seats in front of them. Alec had to grab Magnus's shoulder to keep him from meeting the same fate. Jace didn't miss the action, but his face remained blank.

"See you in Graymark's class." Magnus murmured, and they left separately, acting as if there was nothing between them. Alec dropped in beside Clary, who was walking alone, several yards behind everyone else, while Jace went ahead to interrogate Isabelle.

"Has Maia been at school since it happened?" He asked her. She glanced at him in surprise, and then her eyes softened.

"No." She hesitated. "I know about you and Magnus. I can just tell. And don't worry, I'm not going to tell anyone." She added, and Alec opened his mouth to deny it. "You should tell Jace. He's only like this because he thinks that Magnus wants you to, I don't know, join the Mafia or something. He's worried about you, and it hurts him that you won't tell him what's going on."

Alec glanced around to make sure that they were the only ones still outside before replying. "I used to like him, you know. You could probably tell when you first met him, and I was sort of an asshole to you."

"Yeah, I know. And I'm glad you got over him, not because I want him for myself, but because he would've ended up unintentionally hurting you. Plus, you and Magnus look cute together." Clary winked at him, and he allowed himself a grudging smile.

"Thanks, Clary."

"Anytime." They looked up as the next bus arrived, and Clary grinned when Simon jumped off.

"What're you guys talking 'bout?" He asked, giving Alec a nod of acknowledgement.

"Nothing." They chorused, and then shared a look. Alec decided to let the friends have time to themselves and went on ahead to his locker, switching out his backpack for a binder. Magnus was already there, and was talking to Lily, looking surprised by what he was hearing.

"You're one of the Night Children?" He repeated, while Alec sat in the chair next to him. "You know Raphael?"

"He's our leader, is he not?" Lily watched Magnus in amusement. "So you're the Magnus he was referring to when he told us about the one who saved him?"

"He saved himself." Magnus corrected her. Raphael. Alec knew that name. He didn't go to Alicante High, but he knew him from somewhere.

"Raphael… that guy who could speak Spanish?" Alec asked slowly. "And he wore that cross on a chain around his neck?"

"You know him too?" Now both Lily and Magnus were staring at him.

"I think so. Not sure… wait, did you say the Night Children?" Alec gasped in realization. "Raphael Santiago, he was the leader of the gang."

"Shh!" They both shushed him.

"Sorry. Yeah, I know him."

"You've been associating with the NC?" Magnus frowned at him.

"No, it's a long story." Alec shook his head. "One that I don't exactly want to recount."

"It's a small world after all." Magnus laughed, and even Lily smiled a tiny bit. Alec glanced at her in newfound respect. Thinking back, maybe he did see her that night over a year ago. Although she'd probably remember him if that was the case.

"Okay guys, close your mouths and listen to the announcements," Luke called over the din, turning on the tv in the corner.

The rest of the day was mostly uneventful. Alec had to catch up on all missed material, which wasn't too hard, considering that he used to do so all the time. At lunch, Jace sat as far away from him as he could while still being in the same group of people. He kept casting dark looks at Magnus, which Magnus returned with flourish.

Clary said something to Jace, casting Alec a meaningful look, and Simon asked Izzy something about Max, drawing the other two into conversation.

"I think I'm going to tell Jace." Alec told Magnus quietly.

"The sooner the better, I have a feeling that he's going to kill me someday otherwise." Magnus muttered. "And I would like to hear about how you know Raphael."

"Maybe another time."

"Sounds like it'll be quite the story."

Things continued as they were, and soon enough, it was the end of the day. Izzy gestured for him to sit next to her, so with an apologetic glance at Magnus, he obliged.

"What?"

"On Sunday, I've got the perfect cover story for you. I'll say that you went to Jordan's funeral, which by the way, Bat, that guy who's in the Praetor Lupus, told me that we were invited to if we wanted to go."

"Wait, so I'll miss the funeral on Sunday?" Alec demanded. "I can't—"

"No, it's on Saturday, but Mom and Dad don't know that." Izzy smiled darkly.

"Okay." Alec let out a breath of relief.

"So, I think we can meet up a Luke's house with Clary and Simon and go then. Max can stay home with our parents, and maybe Magnus could—"

"Magnus would agree with me on the fact that he probably shouldn't go. The tensions between me, him, and Jace shouldn't be present at a funeral."

"Okay, that's settled then. We can just tell them that we're hanging out at their house while going to the service."

"Okay." Part of Alec didn't want to use the funeral as an excuse, but it _was_ a good idea.

"See? Aren't I a genius? Not everyone can have such an awesome sister!" She crowed.

"I'm lucky." Alec chuckled at her antics, and she beamed.

"Yes, you are indeed."

The bus stopped, and Alec stopped to wait for Magnus outside. To his annoyance, Jace and Magnus were bickering as they got off. Judging from what he was hearing, Alec assumed that they'd been going at it for quite a while now.

"Maybe you don't know him as well as you think you do." Magnus challenged, his eyes glittering dangerously. Alec sighed, realizing that he could possibly be right.

"As if you know more about him than me." Jace snorted.

"You'd be surprised." Magnus said slyly.

"Alec, can you tell him how wrong he is?" Jace was testing him.

"Both of you, please. I just can't right now." He groaned. He couldn't choose, not between his brother and his boyfriend.

"Fine. This isn't over, Glitter Boy." Jace glared at him before following Izzy into their house and slamming the door.

"I'm sorry, I'll talk to him as soon as I can, I promise." Alec closed his eyes for a moment. "But can you please not provoke him?"

"I'll try. He had it coming, though."

"Someday I may just lock you two in a room together until you learn to get along." He joked weakly.

"One of us won't come out alive." Magnus said with a pleasant smile.

"I'm going to Jordan's funeral tomorrow." And the smile dropped off Magnus's face.

"Are you going to be okay?" He asked as they intertwined their fingers. As always, Alec glanced down the street to see if anyone could see them.

"Yeah, I think I will."

"Okay. Remember to text me." Magnus winked, and Alec, feeling some completely unnecessary butterflies filling his stomach, nodded and stepped inside. He locked the door, as one does, and turned to see Jace standing there, arms crossed.

"I could hear about eighty percent of that, and I think you need to explain. Are you involved in some sort of gang stuff now? You didn't defend me when he was trying to talk shit. Why?" Jace pressed. And something snapped inside of Alec.

"He's my boyfriend!" He exploded. Jace looked stunned. "I'm sick of lying! I'm gay, alright? And when I was like, thirteen, I had a fucking crush on you! That was why I used to do whatever you said, because I thought—"

"ALEC." Jace pressed his hands on his mouth. "You don't need to—"

"Oh, I don't need to say anything now, don't I? It doesn't matter now. You probably hate me now anyways—" Alec spat.

"Stop! I don't hate you, okay? Chill the fuck out!" They were fortunate that Isabelle had shown incredible foresight in taking Max upstairs.

"Now what?" Alec demanded poisonously. "Actually, you know what? I don't care." He tried to step around him, tossing his backpack to the side, but Jace grabbed his wrist. Alec had half the mind to break away, but decided to hear what he had to say.

"I think that part of me knew the truth already, Alec. I'm not too surprised, to be honest." Jace looked surprisingly calm, despite what his bloodless cheeks revealed.

"If you knew, you could've just said something." Alec glared at him.

"I thought that if you were, you would've told me. I don't care that you're gay. I do care that you didn't trust me enough to say anything."

"You know why this has been stressing me out? What I haven't told anyone? What Magnus doesn't know, and why I feel guilty sometimes when I'm around him? It's because every once in a while, I feel like I still have feelings for you, and it scares me." With the words, Alec was admitting the truth to himself, letting go of his fear. A ship in harbor is safe, but that's not why ships are built.

Jace seemed to steel himself, and then pushed him against the wall. Alec met his gaze evenly, but gasped when Jace forcefully kissed him. His twelve year old self would've been disappointed. It was nothing like how it felt with Magnus.

Alec shoved him away bodily, disgusted. "By the Angel, that was like kissing…"

"…Your brother." Jace finished, chest heaving. "It's obvious that you don't like me like that, and that Magnus is better for you. You're just confusing yourself with your own doubt. "

"Thanks." Alec watched him dubiously, knowing that the conversation was not over.

"We're parabatai, and that means that we'll always have each other's back."

"You remembered? It was just some Shadowhunter ritual we wanted to try as kids, when we were all taken by the idea of being demon-fighters with angel blood."

"_Entreat me not to leave thee, or return from following after thee— for whither thou goest, I will go, and where thou lodgest, I will lodge_." Jace recited.

"_Thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God. Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried. The Angel do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and me_." Alec finished, indescribable emotion welling up in his chest.

"I mean, the whole dying thing was kind of sketchy, but I was proud to say it. To say that we were closer than even siblings." Jace smiled wryly.

"So was I. I always assumed that you just wanted to do it because it was a cool. That it was just a game to you. You did take the liberty of making three rings of fire in the living room, which caused Mom flip out afterwards. We were what, eleven? Younger than Max is now. And things between us have constantly changed since then." Alec admitted.

"I know we can't go back to being all "closer than siblings", but maybe we could start out as being brothers again." Jace proposed. It seemed that things did have a way of fixing themselves in the end after all.

"Okay. But that starts with you not saying anything to our parents." Alec negotiated.

"Isn't that a given?" Jace pretended to look injured.

"And you don't have to become best friends with Magnus, but at least be civil."

"I'll try, no promises. Ooh, and I want to give him the shovel talk!"

"Don't—" Alec began.

"I've got fifty acres of land and one shovel, they're not going to find your body if you hurt him," Jace proclaimed in a southern accent so awful that Alec wanted to apologize to the entire South on his brother's behalf. But he laughed instead, because everything seemed so ridiculous now, their fight, his secrets, the fact that he'd doubted that the ties that bound them existed anymore.

"Did you hug it out?" Izzy asked, hopping down the stairs two at a time. Her appearance was so sudden that they both jumped.

"Not exactly," Alec replied sheepishly.

"We k—" Alec tackled Jace before he could say the dreaded word.

"I'll take that as a yes, then. MAX, YOU CAN COME DOWN NOW!" She screamed, causing both boys to wince.

"You didn't have to yell," Max said mildly.

"How else would you have heard me?" Isabelle queried.

"By using my ears." Max rolled his eyes. "Are you going to stop acting like kindergarteners now?" He addressed Jace and Alec.

"I'll stop, but we all know that Jace has problems with that." Alec grinned as he dodged the kick Jace aimed at him. Isabelle snickered, and flicked both of them in the back of their heads. Max, laughing almost maliciously, climbed on the couch and tried to jump on Alec's back, causing him to stumble. Needless to say, all four Lightwoods ended up on the ground, Jace swearing profusely and insisting that his leg was broken (it wasn't). That was how their parents found them.

* * *

**A/N: Bet you weren't expecting to see me back so soon :) Yay for entire days of free time! Let me know if this opened up any plot holes, because I didn't pre-plan any of this to happen and I kind of just typed as the ideas came to mind. In fact, this chapter was only possible because of the ideas you guys gave me, so thanks for that! I think I kind of finished family development for now (sorry, Maryse and Robert XD), and will get to the more Malec-y bits around chapter fifteen (maybe). I hope that this met expectations, and if there is anything you want to see in future chapters, let me know. Thanks for reading, guys, and as always, stay awesome ;)**

**(Also, if you knew what I was referencing when Izzy mentioned Cassie and Jake, you deserve a cake)**


	14. Chapter 14

"One, two, three, war!" Izzy and Clary flipped over their cards in sync as Jace, Simon, Luke, Jocelyn, and Alec watched.

"Yes!" Clary grinned as she collected the other girl's last cards.

"That took forever." Simon groaned, rolling over onto his back. "Who's idea was it to play war while waiting?"

"Alec's." Jace replied, stretching.

"No it wasn't, it was yours," Alec contradicted, sprawling on the carpet. In ten minutes, they were going to leave for the funeral, which was going to be held in a nearby church. They were pretty lucky that it was casual dress, otherwise the Lightwoods wouldn't be able to explain to their parents why they were hanging out at Clary's house in formal clothing.

"Well, I can be forgiven, since my girlfriend won." Jace pretended to painfully drag himself over to her and pulled her down with him.

"Speak for yourself," Simon grumbled.

"Says the first one out." Isabelle snickered. Simon reached over to tug her ponytail. Alec and Jace shared a glance. If they didn't get together soon, the tension between them would kill someone.

"Get a room, you two." Luke joked, voicing what everyone else was thinking.

"Lucian," Jocelyn chastised, although she was smiling as she spoke. Simon turned pink, and Izzy simply giggled, hiding her true reaction easily. Even Alec couldn't assess her by her pose or expression.

"Okay, guys. Boys ride with me." Luke announced. Alec, Simon, and Jace followed him to his car, while the girls followed Jocelyn.

"Segregation at its finest." Simon announced, saluting Clary. She made a face at him.

"I know, right? Girls and guys should change in the same locker room at school." Jace smirked.

"Not when there's perverts like you around." Alec pointed out.

"That's rich of you. You get to gawk at everybody in the guy's locker room and actually appreciate our hotness. Lucky."

"I don't gawk at anybody." Alec sighed. Jace's teasing could be relentless, although he should be glad that he was okay with his sexuality.

"Uh… does that mean…?" Simon blinked at him. Shit. Jace glanced at him apologetically.

"He's not—" Alec began, hoping that he could cover his brother's mistake.

"I'm cool with it, man. You don't need to explain." Simon interrupted, popping in his earbuds and opening World of Tanks Blitz on his phone.

"See? A lot of people are fine with it." Jace elbowed him.

"And a lot of people aren't." Alec sighed. "Now don't touch me, hetro." He slapped Jace's arm away, trying not to laugh. Jace pretended to sob dramatically.

"What am I, chopped liver?" Luke demanded from the front. They both fell silent. "It's not like I couldn't see the chemistry between you and Mr. Bane from the beginning, Alec." The English teacher added, a grin making its way across his mouth.

"You… you—" Alec stammered, feeling his cheeks heat up. Was it really so obvious?

"Haha, Luke, you freaking matchmaker, you!" Jace cackled like a hyena, and Alec shot him a glare so sharp that he immediately shut up.

Luke parked at the church, and Simon crammed his phone in his pocket, looking like a scolded child. The lightheartedness of the ride evaporated as they trudged out. Alec felt somewhat sick to his stomach as he sat on a bench, sandwiched between Izzy and Jace. The casket was a few rows in front of them, and he couldn't help but stare at it guiltily. Maybe there was something he could've done.

He knew it didn't make sense. He knew that it couldn't have been helped. But that guilt was there nonetheless. He glanced around the room and saw Maia sitting next to a woman who must've been Jordan's mom. Maia's eyes were red from crying, and so was the woman's. Alec didn't see any father figure.

Bartholomew Velasquez, Bat, Alec reminded himself, turned to whisper something to Maia, revealing the scar across his right cheek. Alec winced and looked away.

His eyes landed on a guy around twenty years old, tall, almost slight, with long blonde hair and green eyes. Woolsey Scott. As if Woolsey could sense someone watching him, he glanced over at Alec, seeming a bit surprised for a moment. He beckoned to Alec, and then gestured towards a secluded corner of the building, near the emergency exit. What could the founder of the Praetor Lupus want with him? Alec stood up to join him, when Izzy grabbed his wrist and hissed, "What are you doing? The priest speaks in ten minutes."

"I'll be right back." He whispered back. When he made his way over to the taller man, Woolsey eyed him critically.

"Will Herondale. Fancy seeing you here." He drawled.

"I'm not Will. I know him, though." Alec couldn't believe it. He and Will didn't look that similar, did they?

"What a coincidence. Although I have to admit, it's been a while since I've seen him. And even then, I only know him through Magnus Bane."

"Really?" Alec sighed. What a coincidence indeed. "So do I."

"So you're not even a Herondale."

"No. How do you know Magnus, anyways?" Magnus did seem to know a lot of people.

"Oh, let's just say that a year or two ago, we used to be in a relationship. Purely physical, of course, and rather short-lived. We're still on good terms, although I haven't seen him in while either. You?" A physical relationship. Alec already knew from Magnus's vague confessions and Will's hinting that Magnus had 'gotten around' quite a bit in Brooklyn, but to actually hear it made him wonder. What was he to Magnus? Another toy? No, Magnus had already told him a lot about his life. He shouldn't question him.

"Oh, he's just a friend from school." Alec pasted on a fake smile.

"Well, tell him that I give him my best wishes." With a nod, Woolsey made his way back to his seat, and Alec did the same.

"What did he want? Do you know him?" Jace murmured.

"No, he thought I was someone else. Long story. I knew the person he thought I was, we talked a bit, that's all there is to it."

"There's something that's making you uncomfortable. What—" Before Jace could ask the question, the service started and everyone fell silent. Despite Alec's best efforts, he couldn't see, to concentrate on anything being said. _I'm really sorry, Jordan_, He thought.

"You were distracted the entire time," Izzy scolded as they walked back to the car. They'd decided not to stick around for pleasantries. Besides, it looked like Maia had Bat as a shoulder to lean on. She wasn't going to be lonely anytime soon if things continued like they were. But Bat should be careful, chances were, she wasn't ready to move on so quickly.

"I'm sorry. I was thinking about something."

"That's not like you, Alec. My guess is that you're wallowing in guilt. Like you always do."

Partially. "Yeah, I suppose you're right." He lied.

Simon and Jace spent the car ride back arguing about whether the latter's repeated noob toobing was acceptable. Alec sat in the passenger seat this time, watching buildings and cars go by. He hated the melancholy that filled the air after funerals. Even the boys bickering in the backseat were just trying to cover it up. Feeling bad about the dead was pointless. Pitying them was so easy, so natural, even he was guilty of it, and yet they were free, while everyone else was chained to a world where there was so much wrong. But some things made it worth it, the smiles of loved ones, that moment in which you stop and sonder, little things like the scent of rain. Things that were taken from you in death.

Alec blinked at his reflection in the window. How stupid, getting all sentimental. The melancholy was getting to him. He spent the majority of the actual funeral worrying about his own worldly problems, and he wasn't going to get all weird in his own head just yet.

"You okay? You've been quiet." Luke commented, shaking him out of his thoughts. He didn't know Clary's stepfather all too well, but he was a pretty good teacher, and kind of got him and Magnus together by pairing them, so Alec decided to answer honestly.

"I don't know. I feel like I shouldn't have come."

"Hey, don't make yourself regret anything. I've had my fair share of regret. I should've married Jocelyn before she got married to another man, a man who use to be my friend, no less, who deserted her. But then again, I'm glad I didn't, because I wouldn't have Clary otherwise."

"Thanks, Luke." Alec smiled weakly before peering out the window again.

"That's Mr. Graymark to you."

"Ooh, you just got owned!" Simon hooted, and accepted Jace's fist bump.

* * *

"Did you have fun?" Maryse asked halfheartedly as they sat around the table that night.

"Yeah. Fun." Alec whispered. Max glanced at him worriedly.

"Mom, when's Dad going to be home?" The youngest Lightwood asked anxiously, distracting their mother from the desolate expression on Alec's face.

"Can I go upstairs? I don't feel that great." He mumbled, lowering his eyes.

"Okay." Maryse didn't look up from his food, didn't notice as her eldest son disappeared upstairs so quickly it was like he'd teleported. Jace and Izzy shifted uncomfortably but they didn't follow.

Alec stared at his phone from across the room for almost five minutes before finally retrieving it.

7:37: I talked to Woolsey Scott at the funeral. And he waited for the reply.

**7:44: Call me.**

Alec did as he was told. Magnus picked up on the first ring.

"I know what he told you if you bothered to contact me about it. Angel, I did warn you, I've made mistakes in the past. I have regrets. And I've changed. I'm sorry you had to hear about it from him instead of me." There was genuine pain in his voice.

"But will I just be another mistake someday?" Alec wondered softly.

"You'll never be a mistake. But the real story depends on what fate has in store for us."

"Fate only chooses the path we walk. It doesn't determine every step." Magnus was silent for a moment.

"Then I guess it's up to us. Figures. Nothing can ever just be easy." He let out a breath.

"Yeah. When has it been?" Alec laughed sadly. "I'm sorry for bothering you, the funeral kind of messed with my head."

"It's okay. I understand. See you tomorrow." Magnus tried to brighten his tone.

"Bye." Alec hung up, staring at his phone for a few more minutes. He should've trusted Magnus. He was such an idiot to text him. But at least his uneasiness had vanished like morning dew. He set his alarm on his phone and went back downstairs.

"Are you okay?" Jace asked, glancing at their mother, who had the radio turned up as she did the dishes.

"If I were paid a dollar every time someone asked me that today, I would be able to build my own resort by now."

"That's a no, then?"

"Why is that your immediate assumption? I'm okay for now."

"Aren't we all?" Izzy asked, frowning at their mother's back.

"Exactly." And Alec wouldn't say another word. He ignored the probing questions as he finished his food, and two hours later, was in bed.

Whatever the next day brought, he hoped it wasn't too destructive.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry, that was kinda short. Oh well. I'm not even sure what I was trying to accomplish with this chapter. I really don't. This might've been kind of OOC. Thanks for reading anyways, guys. Stay awesome ;)**


	15. Chapter 15

Ugh. Alec sat up and quickly silenced his alarm. Why did he have to get up so early? Why? He silently crept into the bathroom, brushed his teeth, and returned to his room to get dressed. All black, just because there was no point in being any more conspicuous than he already was. _Not_ because he had an aversion to color. At least, that was his reasoning.

"Jace! I'm not going to be here when Mom and Dad wake up, so just follow along with what Max and Izzy say, ask them to explain everything, okay?" Alec hissed, shaking Jace's shoulders.

"Okay. Now screw off, I wanna sleep." He mumbled, swatting Alec away angrily. That was what he got for trying to forewarn him.

"You're not even going to remember this, are you?"

"Uh huh, now go away."

"The house is on fire."

"Yeah. Totally."

Rolling his eyes, Alec backed out of his brother's room, making sure to muffle his footfalls, and watched the road outside, waiting. Soon enough, a car that made Alec want to bang his head on the wall pulled up underneath his window.

"Do you want me to catch you?" Magnus called up softly.

"I don't need anyone to catch me." He answered defiantly. Okay. He remembered how to do this. Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

Alec opened his window and leapt out, kicking off the side of the building. He placed a hand on the ground as he landed to steady himself before straightening up. All without a sound.

"Where did you learn to do that?" Magnus demanded as Alec sat beside him. The awe on his face made him feel slightly awkward, as though he were some sort of sideshow freak.

"I'll explain later. But for now, we must discuss more pressing matters. Why does your car look like Bumblebee? As in, it's a freaking _bright yellow_ Corvette! How have you not been mugged yet?"

"I look too tough to mess with." An odd expression settled on his face.

"You look like you just passed a coconut." Alec pointed out.

"Hush. I look tough." Magnus leaned over and kissed him, as if to emphasize his point. Alec felt his cheeks bloom with color. No. He was not going to turn red every single time Magnus kissed him. He refused. "Aww, do I make you blush?"

"Fine, you look tough. Eyes on the road, now." He lied, attempting to turn the subject away from his face.

"Lies. I'll pretend I believe you, though."

"It's about a forty five minute drive, right?"

"Someone did his research. Yes, that's correct, you win five million bucks. Now I need coffee or I might die. You?"

"I'm good."

While Magnus parked and went to go satisfy his need for caffeine, Alec observed the morning rush that began to set in. People scurried about on the sidewalks, most blinking like they weren't fully awake. But Alec was buzzing with excitement, mostly from worry. He still couldn't believe that he was really doing this. His boyfriend returned ten minutes later, his hands around a cup of what looked like espresso with a ton of cream in it.

"Don't tell me you're one of those people that make it super sweet."

"What? So you like to drink it black?"

"It's better that way." Alec replied defensively.

Magnus looked at him sadly before starting the car again. "You're a lost cause, Angel. Nothing can be done."

"Shame."

"Now will you tell me the story of how you do ninja stuff and how you met Raphael? Please?" He wheedled childishly.

"Very well." Alec sighed dramatically. "It all started when Jace wanted to become some sort of teen street cop or something. Like, catching people doing graffiti or dealing drugs and stuff, and doing hand-to-hand combat with them. Never mind the fact that they probably had guns and knives. And I don't know how, but he convinced me and Iz to go along with this. I think it was kind of based off of what these mythological Shadowhunters did. We were pretty obsessed with them when we were kids. So anyways, he went and googled these defensive, offensive, and general parkour techniques. Got us to train with him and everything. Izzy and I only humored him because she thought it was fun, and I wanted to make sure they didn't kill themselves. This was around maybe over a year ago.

One night, they decided to go out and see what they could do. So we all snuck out at about midnight and building-hopped over to the bad part of town. It was pretty damn terrifying, but they were having fun, and I didn't want to drag them out of it, so I didn't complain. We came across a group of guys, maybe seven or eight of them, whaling on this other guy, some member of another gang. We later found out that his name was Zeke. So we literally jumped in and took them on. I was mostly just covering Jace and Iz, but I punched a few people. Nearly gives me a heart attack every time I think about it again. The Night Children, Zeke's gang, showed up, and Raphael was leading them. Reluctantly thanked us for helping, introduced himself, and advised us to stay away from clan business in the future. Jace thought he was a bit of an ungrateful prick, but that's that. We didn't do stuff like that anymore after that night."

"Wow. That actually explains a lot." Magnus blinked at him before turning his eyes back to the road in from of him. "I can't imagine you beating the shit out of anyone, though."

"I didn't beat shit out of anybody," Alec protested.

"You literally just admitted to it." Magnus gave him a smug grin. "Now, I think I'll share the highly classified story of how I met the pain in the arse known as Raphael Santiago. Once upon a time, there was a guy named Magnus Bane, and he was the awesomest person ever to grace the land with his magnificent presence."

"How about you tell the story in first person?" Alec suggested pointedly.

"Only because it's you, Darling. Okay, here we go. One day, three years ago, I was walking down the street one day, on my way to a friend's place, when a woman stopped me and asked me for help. Apparently, I was known for knowing everybody. Said woman was our subject matter's mother, who thought that maybe I could talk to him. Seemed desperate, even offered to pay. She didn't really need to, but wouldn't let me do it for free. So I had to find this Raphael Santiago, and see if I could get him out of gang activity, without getting anyone hurt. He kind of got tangled up in it after his brother had been killed, and it really tore him up inside to be involved with these people. He was forced to stay with this gang, or have his family killed. So I went to find him, which was pretty damn hard. I finally tracked him to this abandoned warehouse, just in time, too. He was about to kill himself at the age of fourteen."

"No." Alec stared at the car in front of him as his stomach flipped.

"Yeah." Magnus's expression darkened. "He was about to throw himself into a fire. I grabbed him by the arm, wouldn't let him do it. Actually, thinking about it now makes me want to vomit. What he wanted to do to himself… what he was willing to do so he would not risk his family…"

"I don't want to make you talk about this." Alec clenched his fists anxiously.

"No, you deserve to know. He's going to be at the party, after all."

"What?"

"Yeah. Sorry I didn't warn you…"

"I don't mind. I should thank him for getting my siblings to ditch the crime fighting idea."

"Okay. So, where was I? He kept screaming at me to let him do it, that he'd already done things that were against his religion and his morals. I got him to chill out, gave him a place to stay. My dad, big surprise, didn't care as long as I didn't burn too much money on him. Told me that as long as I didn't trash the house, I could open up an institute for wayward street mongrels for all he cared. So he became my annoying friend, who often consorted with my other friends, namely Ragnor, to bash me. He was still in the gang, but he slowly worked his way up in the rankings, and eventually became leader. He was secure enough in his identity at that point that he didn't need me to support him anymore. Moved on, changed the gang's name to the Night Children, and changed their ideals. They're the "good guys" of the slum gangs, and one of the largest as of today. I never did let his mother pay me." Magnus completed, memories of days past glowing behind his eyes.

"That makes my little tale seem like "Little Red Riding Hood", without the woodcutter chopping the wolf open."

"Well, they were different circumstances." Magnus sighed. "And I need to tell you something else. I didn't know it at the time, but before I dated her, one of my exes, Camille Belcourt, was the leader of the gang before Raphael rose to power."

"Oh. Okay." Alec looked down at his shoes.

"I didn't mean it to make you feel weird or anything." Magnus said hurriedly. "You just should know. I don't want to lie to you."

"I wasn't always like this, you know. I was a trouble child when I was little. Always talking to random strangers on the street. I would trust anyone I met. I'm lucky I hadn't been kidnapped or given drugs, actually."

"I think I could picture you like that." Magnus mused, casting him an appraising glance.

"And then I grew up."

"Don't we all?"

"Some don't."

"Some _try_ not to. There's a difference."

"I remember when all I wanted to do was grow up."

"But little did young Alexander know, the world would constantly bullshit his future self."

"It's not like things were any different for you."

"True. Our childhoods were stolen from us." Magnus looked up at the roof of the car, as if shouting to the heavens. "I want a refund!"

Laughter bubbled up inside of Alec's chest. "They have a "no return" policy."

"That's what the government wants us to think. In the mindset of mankind in general, a heat-seeking missile can go a long way."

"Please don't start on that."

"Okay." Magnus took his hands off the wheel and raised them to demonstrate innocence.

"Conspiracy theorist." Alec stole a sip of Magnus's espresso and cringed. "How can you drink this?"

"How can you not?"

"It's nectar for the caffeine addicted. I am no addict."

"Hey, I'm not—" He fell silent as they crossed the Brooklyn Bridge.

"_The Brooklyn Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down…_" Alec sang teasingly after a moment.

"_My Fair Lady_? Really? And we all know that the only mega-important bridge that's shoddy enough to fall down is Londoner-built."

"That's a bit discriminatory."

"Yes, I know. I apologize to all Londoners."

"You'd better. Will may find out…" Alec found it strangely easy to reference one of Magnus's friends as if he were one of his own.

"Will's Welsh. He probably doesn't give a crap."

And so their banter continued, and the metaphorical shaky grounds they'd lingered upon the previous night faded.

"We're here." Magnus finally announced.

Alec eyed the large building, almost mansion, with decently expansive grounds. "Now I feel like a wealthy asshole who only hangs around other rich people."

"Well, Jem, Tess, Will, and his little sister, Cecily, live there, along with their legal guardians, Charlotte Fairchild and Henry Branwell. They're getting married soon. And the place is an inheritance of Charlotte's."

Alec was becoming increasingly aware of how much of an outsider he was. It didn't matter. Whatever they thought of him, they lived in a different city. _So just act normal,_ he told himself. He checked his watch. "It's only six fifteen in the morning, maybe we should wait…"

"Nah, it's fine." Magnus approached the front door and rang the doorbell quickly, so many times that Alec couldn't count.

"Oi, Bane, what the hell!" Will shouted, opening his window and glaring down of them.

"Magnus! You're… very early." Tessa called, her hair tousled from sleep. "Give me thirty minutes." She dragged Will, who was spouting foul profanities, away from the window, and shut it quickly.

"Why'd you do that?" Alec asked, dismayed.

"It's fine, it's not like I'm not returning the favor." He sat on the hood on his car. "And now we wait."

Alec sat tentatively beside him, and Magnus pulled him onto his lap, causing him to yelp in surprise.

"If we act like we're busy, Charlotte won't chew us out. She's more of a threat than Henry, actually. She can get quite terrifying."

"I knew you just wanted to use me." Alec accused, pretending to be offended.

"No, Angel, you're so much more to me!" Magnus declared, standing up to pump his fist and dumping Alec onto the ground in the process. "Oops. I didn't actually mean to do that."

"I'm fine." Alec rolled his eyes at the instant concern that flared on his boyfriend's face as he plucked a small, sharp stone from his palm and discarded it.

"You're bleeding."

"A little blood never killed anyone."

"Unless you have Hemophilia." Magnus worried.

"Which I don't. And technically, even if I did, there would have to be a lot of blood in order for me to be screwed. Not a little."

"Still, infection!"

"Magnus." Alec sighed, "It's like a paper cut."

"Alexander. It's a gaping hole in your hand. I have a bandaid in my car."

"If it's character themed, I'm not wearing it." Alec called, but the ultimatum passed over Magnus's head as he rummaged through the glove compartment.

"There, I have this disinfecting spray and a bandaid that almost matches your eyes."

"You have a first aid kit in your car?" Alec queried skeptically.

"Hey, my friend's going to be a nurse. She insisted that I have proper materials in case of injury. Now give me your hand."

Alec huffed in exasperation, but obliged. Oh no. He could feel a blush rising on his cheeks as Magnus fussed over his tiny cut. Argh. Why now? He turned his face away.

"Am I interrupting something?" Jem asked mildly, opening the door.

"No!" Alec gasped, retracting his hand just as Magnus plastered on the bandage.

"Hello, James. Has Will taken his calming medication yet?"

"Shut up, you bastard!" Will joined Jem. "Why did you come so early?"

"I had to sneak Alexander out of his house, which is filled with oppression and—"

"Sorry, I tried to stop him from…" Alec interrupted, gesturing at the doorbell bashfully.

"You can come in, because you are a dashingly handsome fellow, but as for you…" Will crossed his arms and stared Magnus down.

"But he looks like you." Magnus retorted.

"Exactly."

"You narcissistic—"

"Uh…" Alec glanced between the two boys.

"Alec?" Tessa mouthed from behind her boyfriends, gesturing for him to come in. He cast one last look at Magnus before relenting.

"They're just fighting for male dominance. They'll be watching TV together and insulting each other from respective couches in fifteen minutes, you'll see. But until then, do you want breakfast? I think I can understand your situation perfectly well." She smiled knowingly.

"Um… sure? Thanks."

"Don't mention it. I haven't gotten used to how big the place is yet, and we have enough rations to feed an army."

Alec followed her to the kitchen, which was also uncomfortably large and made him feel even smaller.

"We have…" Tessa bit her lip. "Fruit… cereal…"

"I don't mind." Alec replied quickly. He didn't like to ask things of people.

"I guess I can just make toast. That's the only thing I make that Magnus ever eats in the morning, if he chooses to eat at all." She hesitated. "He really does like you, you know. I can tell by how he looks at you."

"I know he does." Alec replied softly, and he smiled involuntarily.

"His other relationships never really got him anywhere. The ones he was serious about only left him broken-hearted. And he might as well be a rejected Sydney Carton, seeing how he acts for a week afterwards. Then, he gets drunk one night, and then bounces right back."

"That bad? Well, I can imagine Magnus being good at sulking. How do you know this, though?"

"Didn't he tell you? His father had quite a few important business going-ons last summer, so he stayed with us."

"He might've failed to mention it."

Tessa went back to placing bread in the toaster. Then, she paused. "Wait, you understood my reference. Will and Jem always tell me that when I use them, no one knows what I'm talking about, but you're familiar with _A Tale of Two Cities?_"

"_It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…_" Alec quoted. Tessa looked thrilled at the prospect of a good discussion.

"What did you think of it?"

"It was a decent book, all things considered. I mean, Dickens acknowledged that it was more of an experiment than anything. And true to the time period, a bit romanticized. Carton's confession of his feelings for Lucie, then her marriage to Darnay, who she chose to love back, was… almost too tragic, considering his later sacrifice for her."

"But that tragedy was necessary, admittedly making it somewhat uncharacteristic of Dickens."

"Tragedy. A volatile ingredient to many books of the era." Alec commented.

"Not as much as the earlier two centuries."

"True. So you prefer the classics?"

Tessa opened her mouth to answer, but paused when her gaze landed on something behind him. Before Alec could spin around, Magnus took his hands and bound them behind him like a prisoner.

"Did you corrupt him, Tess?" He asked jovially.

"No, she didn't." Alec laughed. Magnus narrowed his eyes at the toast.

"Do you have peanut butter?" He questioned, like it was a matter of extreme importance.

"Yes. And I'm no maid, go find it yourself." Tessa raised an eyebrow and left the room.

"You didn't mention that you've lived here over the summer." Alec murmured as he followed him over to the pantry.

"Slipped my mind." Magnus shrugged. He turned to look at him, and a slow smirk spread across his face.

"I— what?" Alec turned to see if there was anything behind him. There wasn't. Magnus shut the door and stepped closer. Alec stared at him, puzzled.

His confusion evaporated when Magnus closed the gap between them and kissed him, arms around his waist. Alec's hands tangled in his hair as they leaned into each other. They stayed that way for several minutes, pressed against one another, until Will rapped on the door, causing them to jump apart.

"Can we ever not be interrupted?" Magnus grumbled, although his eyes were still glowing, almost like a cat's.

"Hey! If you guys have sex in the pantry, I'll never be able to enter it again to get snacks." Will shouted.

"That makes it worth doing!" Magnus replied darkly.

"Nooooo…" Alec covered Magnus's mouth and he kissed his palm. Alec withdrew quickly. "How about we wait till later for that." He suggested, taking his hand and leading him out. "And eat your peanut butter toast right now."

"I don't appreciate you talking about peanut butter so dismissively like that."

"I'm allergic."

"Really?" Magnus gasped. "Is it severe? Like, should I not eat this near you?"

"Just kidding. I just don't like my tongue sticking to the roof of my mouth."

"That doesn't even happen unless you eat a big glob of it." Magnus protested indignantly, not looking amused at all. That probably happened when peanut butter was in the balance.

"It's happened before. With a PB&amp;J."

"You're weird." Magnus stuck his tongue out, and Alec crossed his eyes in retaliation. "They'll get stuck that way."

"Old wive's tale. It's impossible." Alec grinned.

"I've been lied to? My life is ruined." Magnus slid to the ground, apparently aghast.

"Don't worry, if you do cross your eyes for too long, they will hurt, and it will be hard to focus for about an hour afterwards. The myth had a basis in truth." Alec pulled him up.

"And you really tried to deny how much of a nerd you are."

"Magnus Bane. I was wondering when you'd pop up again and wreck havoc on this household." They looked towards the source of the voice, and Alec saw a very small, slim woman, with dark brown hair and eyes.

"Charlotte! This is my boyfriend, Alec." Alec smiled weakly and nodded in acknowledgement as the woman eyed him.

"It's nice to meet you, Alec." She smiled unexpectedly. "The Lord knows we need someone to keep him in check."

"I don't need to be kept in check!"

"Yes, you do. Could you go assist Jem in stopping Henry from blowing up the house? He's setting up a grill." She grimaced.

"You want us to run interference, or help?" Magnus questioned.

"Interference if you can." She admitted ruefully.

"Okay. We're on it, Supreme Commander." Magnus mock-saluted. Alec laughed.

When Charlotte left, Magnus turned to Alec grimly. "You really should eat that toast. You'll wish that you had when dealing with Henry's eccentricities."

* * *

**A/N: I did my research. Hopefully I made it sound like Alec and Tessa had read more than just the summary of _A Tale of Two Cities _(unlike me, who did just that)_. _Anywho, I will, in fact, tie a few events with ones in the actual Mortal Instruments series, and I got the idea of Raphael's story from reading _Saving Raphael Santiago_, or whatever it was called, in the _Bane Chronicles_, which you should read if you haven't already. My interpretation of it may have not made much sense. But whatever *initiates powers of jaded teenager-ness*. Thanks for reading, you guys, and stay awesome ;)**

**(And for the Americans reading, have a happy (early/belated, depending on when you read this) Fourth of July!)**


	16. Chapter 16

"What's wrong with Henry?" Alec demanded, trailing after Magnus as he navigated through the maze of hallways and rooms.

"Oh, nothing's wrong with him. He's an inventor, a fairly brilliant one at that. I'd put money on the fact that he'll change the world someday. It's just that…he likes to add his own touch when assembling things. Sometimes resulting in some form of an explosion."

"Really?"

"Well, there was that time that he thought that if he switched the tungsten wire in a lightbulb with some other sort of filament material… well, I don't exactly know what that was going to improve, but when Charlotte walked into the living room and turned on the light, it exploded in a shower of glass."

"Oh." Magnus slid open the glass door and nudged him outside and into a large backyard, where Jem was reading the instructions manual for the grill while a redheaded man, as tall as Magnus, prepared to use his blowtorch to seal two components together. Alec didn't think that that was supposed to happen.

"Magnus! And another one of his many dates, I see." Henry stood up to shake their hands. He almost reminded Alec of one of the Frays.

"This is Alec. And I don't think you should group him with the others." Magnus corrected, squeezing his hand.

"That's nice to hear." Henry turned back to the grill.

"I actually need to ask you something. My car's headlights seem a little dim. Maybe you could take a look at it?" Magnus asked hopefully, giving Alec a meaningful glance.

"Alright. You think you can get this together?" Henry glanced at Jem, who nodded, still scrutinizing the manual. The moment they left, though, Jem jumped to his feet.

"Okay, let's hurry." He addressed him briskly, grabbing a screwdriver. Alec, feeling a bit bewildered, followed his lead. In what seemed like no time at all, they'd finished assembling the grill, which was a far easier feat than expected.

"Should we, um, put that back?" Alec tipped his head towards the blowtorch.

"Yeah. And you should probably go back inside, before he comes back. I don't want to be the one to doubt Magnus's delaying abilities, but even he can only come up with excuses for so long." Jem chuckled softly.

"Okay." Alec stepped back inside, out of the near-icy wind. Winter was almost upon them. He allowed himself to shiver just the tiniest bit. A girl around Izzy's age bumped into him as he turned the corner, lost in thought.

"Who are you?" She demanded. She held a resemblance to Will that could only be genetic, and therefore must be his sister that Magnus had mentioned. Sissy? No. Cecily.

"I'm Magnus's boyfriend." No use in skirting around it.

"Magnus is in the living room." Cecily informed him. He nodded in acknowledgment and tried to remember where exactly that was, all the while feeling her curious gaze on his back. His notorious sense of direction, or rather, lack of, could leave him at quite a disadvantage sometimes. Now being one of those times.

"There you are!" Magnus exclaimed when he approached him. "I was starting to think you were swallowed by the walls. It took me, like, an entire month until I got used to navigating this place."

"And it would theoretically take me a year." Alec added.

"Do you want to watch the original Jurassic Park upstairs? It would probably be best for us to stay out of everyone's hair while they go about their daily activities. They didn't exactly sign up to have guests so early."

"I'm not the one who rang the doorbell."

"But shall we assign blame? No!" Magnus led him to his old room when he'd stayed there last summer. "You even get to sit on… a beanbag chair!"

"How come this place is still personalized to fit… you?" There was no other way to describe it.

"They have a ton of empty bedrooms that no one uses, so it didn't really matter what happened to this one. In the eighteenth century, it housed a formidably large family, but as of now, Charlotte's the last Fairchild until she makes some Small Ones. She was quite adamant that she keeps her maiden name even in marriage, which Henry doesn't have a problem with." Magnus chuckled. "Will tried to bullshit me into thinking this place was haunted. Karma got him back."

"Fascinating." Alec nudged him, and Magnus gasped in mock offense.

"Was that sarcasm I just heard? Time to find out if you're ticklish!" But when Magnus moved to do just that, Alec gasped and jerked away, instinctively jabbing Magnus in the gut and switching their positions. His mind caught up with his body, and he stepped back guiltily.

"Sorry."

Magnus found his feet and gaped at Alec. "Well, you're a vicious one, Angel."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to, it's just that I don't like it when people touch me like that…" He began to ramble.

"You didn't cripple me or anything, it's fine." Magnus kissed him chastely before going to put in the DVD.

"Beanbag chairs are bad for your back." Alec pointed out, still abashed.

"It's worth it. I mean, it's a giant beanbag!" Magnus pulled him onto his lap once more. "You're so light."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Stop acting juvenile."

"You started it."

"Evidence A."

"Look in the mirror." Magnus complained. "It's starting, so shush."

The movie seemed to drag on and on, and was extremely boring. "Nothing's funner than watching people get murdered by dinosaurs." Alec sighed, stretching.

"The only thing better is watching a filthy man and two kids run around in the rain."

"Being pursued by a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Which is not from the Jurassic period, but from the late Cretaceous."

"Details, details." Magnus flapped his hand. "They weren't trying to specify the time period, it was just a good title."

"I know. But I had to be the one to say it."

"Of course you did. It's who you are." Magnus checked the time on his phone, unaware of Alec's unease. Was it really who he was? How could Magnus know when he didn't know himself? "I'm going to go smuggle some food up here. Be right back."

The moment he stepped out of the room, Alec opened his own phone and called Isabelle. "Did they buy the funeral thing?"

"No greeting?" Izzy sniffed.

"Hello dearest sister." He stated in monotone.

"Nice to hear from you, dearest brother. I won't ask about the debauchery that has undoubtably been happening."

"There is no debauchery, except for in the darkest corners of your twisted mind."

"How dare you, sir? Although twisted, my mind is very well-lit."

"Did they buy your excuse?" He repeated worriedly.

"I wouldn't be chattering like there's no tomorrow if they didn't. Simon's taking me to the ice-skating rink now. Bye." She hung up abruptly, and he snorted. His sister could sometimes be as unceremonious as they come.

"I have soda and Lays. Sounds like a healthy lunch, right?" Magnus returned, grinning. Alec fixed him with a stare.

"It's coke. Not soda." He raised an eyebrow.

"What sort of New Yorker are you?" Magnus demanded.

"One that has two heads, judging by how you're looking at me."

"You're one to talk. Let's watch Jurassic World now. I need to see more people eaten by dinosaurs." He paused, taking in Alec's reproachful gaze. "Hey, we don't judge—" He seemed to remember the past week's events. "Oh, Lilith, I'm so sorry, I was just kidding, I didn't mean to—"

"Who's blathering now? It's okay. I shouldn't be so stiff."

"You have the right to be." Magnus's smirk revealed his train of thought.

"I will kill you, Magnus Bane, so help me."

"No violence! Peace, okay? P-E-A-C-E."

"Help me understand this so called peace you speak of." Alec narrowed his eyes.

"Food!" Magnus threw the bag of chips at Alec's head. "Here you go."

"You wounded me! Might as well throw the coke while you're at it."

"It's not even coke. It's freaking Sprite." Magnus pointed at the label, as if teaching a Kindergartener how to read.

"Which is coke."

"Soda."

"Coke."

"Just eat your chips and watch the movie." Magnus put an arm around his shoulder, and they sat in a companionable silence. It was almost an hour before either of them spoke again.

"Did they really just kill off the only woman with a British accent?" Magnus complained.

"They totally did. However, they also killed off like fifty tourists, who theoretically could come from any country."

"Okay, okay, O Clever One." Magnus checked the time again, then peeked out the window. "It's Ragnor and Catarina. Am I psychic or what?"

"I would opt for the "or what", myself."

"They probably don't know I'm here. I'm usually fashionably late, just in time for the alcohol." Magnus grinned. "I can sense that there is fun to be had."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. Do you think they'll momentarily confuse you with Will?"

"It seems like everyone does." Alec replied exasperatedly. "What's the point?"

"It'll be funny if they do. Trust me. Besides, after all the gossip he's been passing to Santiago, I owe Ragnor something."

"What are they like? Catarina and Ragnor, I mean."

"Cat and Ragnor are both twenty, her favorite color is blue, his is green, she's going to be a pediatric nurse, he's shooting the breeze, I guess. Cat's single, Ragnor is dating Raphael, I think, but they keep denying it." Alec's eyebrows shot up. "Yeah, I know. Anyways, Cat is really nice, Ragnor is the serious one. He's grumpy most of the time, I deal with him only because he's my friend."

"So what do I do?" Alec was already resigned to the fact that he had been sucked into the plot.

"Just go along with what I do."

"Are you sure it's a good idea?"

"Absolutely."

"Why are you getting me to do this again?"

"Because I like to be an asshole sometimes."

"You're different." Alec realized slowly. It was almost imperceptible, but still shocking all the same once he noticed. "You have been since we first got here."

"I suppose. Well, I'm Brooklyn Magnus. Nice to meet you." Magnus's smile was a little bit sad, but he quickly concealed it.

"Likewise." Alec hoped that his lack of enthusiasm wasn't glaringly obvious.

"Okay, let's go!" Magnus pulled him out of the room and tightened his grip on his hand reassuringly. He had seen more than he'd let on.

"Miss me yet?" Magnus flung open the door and Catarina immediately threw her arms around him. Alec glanced at Ragnor, who was watching his friends with an air of amused fondness, and was struck by how similar he looked to Sebastian, with white-blond hair and black irises. By the Angel… he shifted uncomfortably. It's not Sebastian, you idiot, he thought to himself. Magnus moved to partially shield him.

"I thought you were going to stay inside, baby." Magnus said to him. Catarina rolled her eyes, but Ragnor hesitated for a moment, looking stricken before realizing that Alec wasn't actually Will. Surprise surprise.

"That's sick, Bane. Does Herondale even know that you're doing this shit?" He grumbled.

"Nice to see you, too. And no, he doesn't. Anywho, this is Alec."

"Is this your new boyfriend?" Catarina offered him a small smile, maybe a smidgen too patronizingly for his taste.

"I wonder how long he'll last." Ragnor peered at him appraisingly, while Catarina smacked him on the arm.

"Yes, I like it when people talk about our apparently inevitable breakup." Alec deadpanned, internally bristling. He reminded himself to hold his tongue. Magnus didn't seem to have such reservations, and was clenching and unclenching his fists.

"Well, you have my seal of approval." Ragnor conceded. "Is Raphael here?"

"Not yet. You'll have to wait for that h—" Magnus paused when he felt Alec's feather-light touch on the shoulder, and reluctantly closed his mouth. Ragnor looked stunned, while Catarina cast him another glance. This time, her eyes were genuinely shining.

"The last person who held that much sway over you was Etta." She commented.

"And Camille." Ragnor added, and then winced. Magnus pursed his lips in irritation.

"Except she wouldn't stop me." He grumbled.

"Because she's a bitch!" Catarina finished brightly.

"Why so early?" Magnus inquired, changing the subject shamelessly.

"Jem's tutoring me, because despite the fact that I've played the violin all throughout high school, I still suck at it."

"Let's hang out with the Ragnor and make him feel like a third wheel!" Magnus slung an arm around each of the boys' shoulders.

"I hate you." Ragnor groaned.

"Love you too!" Magnus grinned, and Ragnor gave Alec the "Please Help Me" look. Alec decided to interfere.

"Actually, he mentioned something about going upstairs with Catarina." Alec mumbled.

"Yeah, I did." Ragnor put in.

"I don't recall anything of that sort. But fine by me." Magnus seemed surprised at Alec's intervention, but didn't miss a beat as he proceeded to suggest that Ragnor go listen to classical music like the lame-o he was. He was more than happy to comply, inclining his head in Alec's direction gratefully as he swept out of the room.

"That was nice of you to save him." Magnus flopped down on the couch.

"You admit that you're someone to be saved from?" Alec inquired.

"Absolutely." He agreed solemnly.

"Well then." He curled up beside him, and Magnus pulled him even closer, tucking Alec's head under his chin.

"I'm serious. Being with me is a hazard, you know. I attract trouble wherever I go."

"Some things are worth getting into trouble for."

"I appreciate your faith, but you need to promise me something. If I ever hurt you, even unintentionally, make sure I know."

"You aren't going to hurt me." Alec stated with unwavering certainty, rolling his eyes at Magnus.

"You're so sweet, Alexander. I don't know what I do to deserve you."

It's me that doesn't deserve you. Alec thought this, but didn't voice it aloud. Magnus would only protest. "What brought this on, anyways? Mentions of Camille and Etta?"

"Partly. And when you and Rags and Cat were standing there with me, it felt like my past and present were colliding. It was a bit much to take, I'll confess."

"I don't have much of a past to reminisce about. Just suffocating sameness, mostly. Maybe some hijinks here and there. It wasn't all awful. I had Izzy and Jace and Max, and I always will. Although the former two are always pulling me into their dastardly schemes."

"I have to admit, I'm a bit jealous. But at least I have the best friends anyone could ask for, and an amazing boyfriend to boot."

"Why is it that your past is so hard for you to talk about? I understand that you did things that you regret, but I have a feeling that there something you're not revealing." Alec drew himself up, staring at him hard. It was his turn to probe now.

"I suppose that the past is the past. Nothing much you can do about it." Magnus shrugged.

"But you can't forget it, can't escape it." Alec pressed.

"Well, you do learn from it, but things change. People change."

"But memories remain."

"I know they do!" Magnus's eyes flashed in anger. "You wouldn't understand."

"I wouldn't understand? Excuse me, but the only reason I'm here is because I do understand! I've changed, and you know it. I'm not even sure who I want to be, and who I am now. So before you write me off as a naive, innocent little boy who hasn't suffered anything at all, remember how it was me who closed my mouth until I never had anything to say. That I'm the one that hurt myself by being so closed off." He hadn't meant to say that.

"Alexander, I—" Magnus struggled to find the right thing to say.

"It doesn't matter, I'm sorry. Just give me a second." Alec bit his lip and left the room, finding the front door even more easily than he'd hoped. But the moment he's opened the door, the young woman approaching it paused.

Even he could tell that she was very beautiful, with blond hair like spun silver, and eyes as green as his were blue.

"You aren't Will." She drawled as she stepped delicately onto the porch.

"You're one of the only people to realize that. You're here for the party?" He had a bad feeling about her. A bad feeling that twisted his stomach and caused him to chew the inside of his cheek.

"Why else would I be here?" She rolled her eyes.

He dipped his head and opened the door wider to let her in. "Who're you, anyways?"

"Camille. Camille Belcourt."

"Magnus's ex?" He stared at her in disbelief. There was no way that just after their stupid spat, the notorious Camille Belcourt had to show up.

"Who told you that?" She blinked, disoriented.

"Magnus."

"Why would he tell you that?" She pressed.

"Because I'm dating him, and he wanted to warn me that I wasn't his first." Alec sighed, waiting for all hell to break loose. But she didn't seem to be upset or even angry.

"He warned…" She trailed off, lost in thought. "That must mean…the real thing… I have to tell…"

"What?"

"Follow me." She ordered briskly, and swept through the halls as if she owned the place. Alec had a feeling that she was that type of person. They stopped in a dark room, which contained nothing but a washing machine and dryer in the corner.

"Why did you lead me here?"

"I cheated on Magnus. That was why we broke up. He only loved me because he thought that his love was returned. And it was, at least for a while. He's a good person, and I made a mistake in hurting him." She murmured, all in one breath. "He hates me now. Many people do, especially people who came in contact with me while I was the leader of what now is the Night Children. I am by no means an altruistic person, but I have felt guilty about this for quite a while." Alec watched in silence as she took a bird's egg-size ruby pendant off her neck. "Magnus got this for me while we were still together. On the back of the silver frame, it says "Amor verus numquam moritur", which means "True love cannot die". And you should have it."

"What? No, I can't—" Alec took a step back.

"Take it, and the burden of my guilt will go with it." She insisted darkly. He reluctantly accepted it. "It is said that the pendant will glow when there is a threat nearby."

"Legends are rarely true."

"Maybe you'll be surprised. They have a basis in fact, correct?" She smiled dangerously, and it was easy to imagine her being a vampire. "What I've told you does not leave this room, understood?"

"Understood." He repeated, feeling oddly unsettled. Then again, one didn't become a hated gang leader by being harmless. Alec backed out of the room, placing the pendant in his pocket. He was so anxious at this point that he slammed into Magnus like he was blind.

"Alec, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to imply that—" His gaze fell somewhere behind him. "Camille."

"Magnus. It's nice to see that you are well." She tried to pass him, but he stepped in front of her.

"What did you tell him?" He snarled.

"Nothing, it's fine." Alec murmured, tugging on his arm.

"I really should go find Will. Alexei should be here soon." She turned away and strode off, chin raised.

"Alexei de Quincey? Well, she deserves him, I'll say that." Magnus muttered. "Anyways, I'm sorry for going off on you. I was forced to acknowledge my past, and I'm not good with that. I didn't know that you…"

"Yeah, it's fine. I'm an idiot."

"You're far cleverer than me, at any rate."

"Please." Alec snorted.

"Honestly." Magnus confirmed.

"Honestly?" He rolled his eyes.

"Honestly. Maybe that can be our always."

Alec laughed weakly. "Okay, that was bad."

"Bad in a good way, I should hope." Magnus's mouth quirked up.

"Absolutely." Alec paused and raised his head. "Do you smell smoke?"

Magnus didn't even look surprised. "Follow me." They jogged across the house and into the backyard. Will was balancing a flaming hot dog on a spatula, looking panicked, while Tessa was futilely attempting to blow it out.

"Help?" Will glanced at them, and in the process dropped the thoroughly charred piece of meat into a shrub, which also burst into flames. "Shit, Charlotte's going to kill me! That was her Bluebeard!"

"Trouble magnet much?" Alec raised an eyebrow an Magnus, who was gazing at the fire in a vaguely bored manner.

"I didn't even do anything!"

"I know. Just kidding." Alec searched for a fire extinguisher, and found one on the wall beside the door. "I hope this thing is a class A." He swiftly broke the seal and pulled out the pin.

"Well, put it out!" Tessa yelped. Alec pressed the lever, and within moments, all that was left was a smoking pile of leaves.

"Yay, you saved us," Magnus kissed his cheek. Alec blushed deeply.

"I think you should let Jem do the hot dog making." Tessa sighed to Will.

"Are you implying that Jem is better with wieners than I?" He queried, mock-offended.

"I—what? Just go get him, please."

"Yes, ma'am." He winked at her before meandering off, looking like the cat that swallowed the canary. "Jaaames." They heard him calling. "Tessa wants your wiener skills."

"Um, sorry…" She became an Alec-worthy shade of red.

"Hey, no worries. We'll just be…around." Magnus smirked teasingly at her discomfort, and led Alec back inside, his hand a constant pressure around his wrist. "Are you okay? You still seem a bit… unhappy."

"Not unhappy. Just… pensive."

"That's ominous."

"It doesn't have to be. Never mind, I'm just being weird. I think too much." He waved away Magnus's concern.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. It's fine."

"Oh, by the way, I almost forgot to tell you. I felt like I kind of pushed you into the Skittles project thing, so I did one on the differences between Republicans and Democrats instead. Did I mention how much I like diving into taboo subjects? Just finished putting the citations in alphabetical order yesterday."

"I could've helped! I mean, thank you, but you didn't have to—"

"Just say that I did you a solid, and let that be the end of it." Magnus spun him by the shoulders so that they were face to face, and kissed him swiftly. "Capisce?"

"Capisce." Alec consented, feeling a little dizzy.

"Now… did I warn you about Malcolm Fade? He's a friend of course, but he's a bit off in the head…" He continued. Unlike some people Alec knew, who could talk much but say little, Magnus meant every word. He spoke a lot, sure, but his sentences strung themselves together in a way that Alec could never be bored of them. He contented himself with hearing, but not listening.

"Do you ever wonder why we do things? Why we push forward, why we often grapple with such trivial things?" He asked suddenly. He had yet to see Magnus Bane dig deep in his own mind.

Magnus paused. "That's quite a jump from our current conversation. But… I would say that the things we struggle with are far from trivial. It's all in how you consider stuff. Everything is big and important when you're the one grappling. And why we do things? Because we want to be happy."

"Happy is different for different people." Nevertheless, Alec was impressed. More impressed than he would admit. Because whether he denied it or not, he had his pride.

"That's the thing I've been trying to tell you all along. You need to find your happy. Enough profound thoughts from you, though. It's too early in the day for that."

"It's the evening." Alec murmured halfheartedly, although his mind was already spiraling. What was his happy? His friends and family, obviously. But what about him? Was there anything about or for himself that made him happy?

"Precisely." Magnus's eyes gleamed.

"Don't be such a alcoholic."

"I never actually mentioned alcohol."

"You implied it."

"And that is all that it was. An implication."

"Hmm." Alec stopped short, staring at something on the ground. Magnus turned to glance him worriedly.

"What?"

"What the hell? That thing is huge!" He couldn't keep the horror out of his voice.

"Where?" Magnus looked around anxiously.

"Right freaking there. Oh gods, I think it's crawling over to me. Kill it!"

"The spider?"

"More like the king of all spiders!" Alec backed away.

"It's sort of big, I guess. I'd stomp on it, but I don't want its guts on these boots." Magnus grabbed an umbrella from the stand and bashed the monstrous creature a few times. "There. Crisis averted."

"But what if there's more? There could be some on the ceiling or something!"

"You're scared of them?"

"Like any rational person would be!"

"They're tiny." Alec could here the smile in his voice, even as he frantically checked the ceiling (just to make sure).

"Well, what are you scared of, Mister High and Mighty?"

"Water. Not a bottle of it or anything. But like a pool. Or an ocean." He admitted, rubbing the nape of his neck sheepishly.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"Am I interrupting something?" A thinly accented voice inquired. Raphael Santiago stood before them, arms crossed, with an amused smirk on his face.

"It's been a while." Magnus acknowledged.

The boy's dark eyes settled on Alec. "Do I know you?"

"It's Alec."

"The Lightwood? Why are you—?" He glanced between him and Magnus, and then winced. "Another one? Dios mio, Bane. I really don't know why I'm surprised anymore."

"Ragnor's been waiting for you." Magnus sighed pointedly. Raphael swallowed rapidly.

"I shouldn't keep him waiting, then." He departed as abruptly as he'd arrived.

"Told you." Magnus grinned smugly.

"You didn't need to. You said that they still deny it?"

"Yep. They're so unashamedly obvious, even your bothersome brother could see it."

"Hey, don't give Jace a hard time." Alec chided.

"I assume that you worked things out with him?"

"No. We got into a fistfight yesterday, and I sent him to the hospital." Alec answered sarcastically.

"Hilarious. I have nothing against that account of events, though."

"He's agreed to be civil. You should do the same."

"I know, I know. Your lack of faith is disturbing."

"Some would say the opposite."

"Well, you are oddly trusting for such a p—" Magnus broke off.

"Such a what?"

"Party animal?"

"Magnus."

"Fine. I was going to say that you were a paranoid person. Not really, just a little."

"That's not so bad."

"I didn't know how you'd take it."

"I can't believe it, how dare you? I'm not paranoid!" Alec gasped dramatically.

"Hey, it could happen. Now let's go see if they annihilated Charlotte's prized rose bush or whatever yet."

Alec couldn't help but wonder if Magnus ever got tired of dashing around, always busy, like a hummingbird on steroids. Maybe that was what Etta, Woolsey, Camille, and others just couldn't take as time went on.

* * *

**A/N: I'm not dead! I just went on vacation to the Grand Canyon/Las Vegas/Las Angeles and forgot to mention it! …Sorry *Dodges various thrown items*. Writer's block also might've played a part in my disappearance. So if this chapter sucked, it was only because I didn't do much proofreading. And didn't know what I was doing at all. Just flailing around with words. Actually, that's what I always do. On another note, school starts soon, so expect less frequent updates (a bit of a joke, really, after me being an assbutt and vanishing on you guys). But by less frequent, I mean maybe monthly, depending on numerous factors. So thanks for sticking with me, peoples of FanFiction, and stay awesome ;)**


	17. Chapter 17

"You want a hot dog?" Magnus asked loudly. In the last hour, the house had turned into something resembling the Pandemonium. Alec had been introduced to countless people— Sofie, Jessie, two brothers named Gideon and Gabriel. At least, those were the ones he could remember. Good thing Charlotte and Henry didn't have any neighbors, because they would most certainly call the cops, and there was no such thing as underage here when it came to drinking.

Alec nodded mutely, watching a girl in the corner dance in a very scandalous fashion. To his disgust, a small crowd had already formed around her. Groping. Very charming.

Magnus elbowed his way past a guy hanging around near the doorway, and Alec scanned the room, deciding to talk to Catarina, who seemed to be by herself at the moment.

"Hey, Alec. What's up?"

"Nothing much. They don't spike the drinks here, do they?" The Pandemonium incident would not be repeated under any circumstances.

"No, why would you ask that?"

"I… um, nothing. Never mind. Sorry."

"No need to apologize." She seemed surprised. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He replied, more curtly than he'd meant to. What was it with people incessantly asking him if he was okay? Their concern for his wellbeing was nice and all, but he was really okay.

That cued Magnus's return. "Here. Didn't know if you wanted mustard or anything…"

"That's fine." Alec assured him.

"Want anything to drink?"

"No thanks. It's okay. I'm okay." He mumbled. The tattoo on his back seemed to prickle.

"You look anxious." Magnus observed.

Alec bit his lip. "Honestly. I'm not a piece of glass."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it sound like—"

"No, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

They stared at each other in puzzlement for a moment, and then burst into somewhat hysterical laughter.

"Let's go outside. Screw crowds, anyways." Magnus proposed.

"Truer words have never been spoken." Alec commended as they stepped into the icy night air. He relaxed as soon as the door swung shut and the voices behind them faded.

"Should've brought a jacket." Alec rubbed his hands together.

"Wanna hole up in my car?"

"It's not like I have a choice. I don't want to die of frostbite."

"Drama queen."

They scooted into the backseat, Magnus closing the door more quickly than he needed to. Unless… "You're cold too!"

"Damn, you discovered my secret. But at least I took it like a man."

"Like a man with frostbite?"

"Stop it, you're awful." Magnus chuckled.

"Me? I'm never awful."

"You might've fooled the rest of the universe, but I'm not buying it."

"Is that so?"

Magnus opened his mouth to reply, but Alec's phone vibrated, effectively cutting him off.

"Izzy! Kind of busy here." Alec informed her bashfully, blushing even though she couldn't see him. Magnus snickered beside him, earning him a halfhearted kick in the shin.

"I'll try not to read too much into that. Look, Mom and Jocelyn were talking on the phone earlier, and I think she might know that the funeral isn't today."

"Crap." Nothing could ever work out one hundred percent for him, could it?

"You can say that again. She didn't exactly call me out for lying, but you should probably get home soon. Before she gets really suspicious."

Alec checked the time. If it was almost nine now, "I'll be back by ten at the, latest."

"It's your life. I'm just advising—"

"Did she talk to Dad?" Alec interrupted.

"I don't think so."

"Okay, thanks Iz. See you later."

"I deserve a medal." She muttered under her breath before she hung up.

"What happened?"

"An element of the infallible master plan isn't so infallible."

"Damn. Do I owe you an ice cream?"

"No, it was sort of my part of the plan. Long story short, I have to be home by ten."

"Oh. I'll get you ice cream anyways." Magnus decisively nodded to himself.

"Well, you do still owe me a first date." Alec shoved his phone into his pocket. He'd worry about getting caught by his parents when the time came.

"Then it's settled. Next Saturday?"

"Sure." He mentally marked his calendar. It wasn't like he ever had anything better to do on a weekend.

Magnus yawned. "Do you want to go back inside? Most people'll start being easy to mess with by now."

"Isn't that being a little manipulative?" Alec wondered.

"It's all in good fun." Magnus assured him. "Just remember the rules. One, do no serious harm. Two, take no shit."

"That's it? Seems easy enough."

"That, my Alexander, is for you to decide only once we get inside."

And Alec followed him, like he'd always done. Was it possible that the chaos inside the house had tripled in the last fifteen minutes?

"Beer pong?" Alec demanded in mock disbelief as he glanced at the dining room table. "I thought they were only legend."

"I call them party peasants." Magnus confided, smirking.

"That's not nice." He teased, half serious.

"Fine, fine." He sighed. "With all the traffic, we should go soon."

Alec's skin crawled as he shifted away from a girl who was eying him far too critically for his liking.

"Hey, Adam." Magnus elbowed a bulky guy standing with a group of those with similar physiques. "Cathy is looking pretty hot tonight, am I right? Make a move, man."

"Think I will." He slurred. "Thanks, Bane."

"And what happens next is anyone's guess." He narrated. Alec snorted. Magnus spotted someone across the room and made his way over. "Have any idea where Ragnor is?" He asked Jem, who was lounging on the couch beside Will.

"Think he's upstairs. Be careful, I think Raphael went with him." He winced as he spoke.

"You should stay here. I'll deal with the repercussions of having them as friends." Magnus's mouth quirked up. "Jem, don't let anyone hit on Alexander here. I trust you."

"What about me?" Will demanded, offended.

"Oh, and protect him from Will too." Magnus added before vanishing into the crowd.

"That physically hurt. I doubt I shall ever recover." Will sighed dramatically, slouching even lower than he already was.

"Uh, sorry. Tell him that I went outside." Alec blushed furiously.

"Don't bother, you'll just end up waiting forever in the cold. Time management was never his forte." Will rolled his eyes.

"The pot is calling the kettle black." Jem teased quietly.

"No one asked for your opinion, James." Will grumbled. Instead of being indignant, Jem simply smiled.

"No one asked for yours, either."

Tessa approached and collapsed on the armrest next to Will. "We had a little problem with the grill out back. I'm not elaborating, but someone's hair was on fire, I'll say that much."

"That's better than last year. Remember when David and Rose—?" Jem began.

"Let's not get into that. Dark times, those were." Will shuddered.

"It's pretty cool of Charlotte and Henry to even let you throw parties like this." Alec commented lightly, unwilling to get even the vaguest idea of what exactly David and Rose had done last year.

"We made a deal that we could have one party every year." Tessa explained.

"The question remains, though. Is it worth it, considering all the crap we go through cleaning up afterwards?" Will added.

Alec blinked, wondering whether he should answer. He decided not to. His first rule to live a happy life was to stay silent. He'd already broken it about a million times, but props for trying, right?

"I need coffee." Jem declared, in an uncharacteristically whiny voice. "The noise is bouncing around in my brain. Please, someone turn down the music. Who the hell added Taylor Swift to the playlist anyways?"

Will and Tessa remained silent for a moment, realization lighting their features. "I'll go change the passcode on my phone." She groaned.

"I'll unplug the coffee machine." Will volunteered.

"Don't you dare!" Jem threatened, following him into the kitchen. Alec, noting that there was no sign of Magnus, flopped down on the now uninhabited couch and pulled out his phone. He unraveled the earbuds and popped them in (because they usually discouraged people from talking to him) before setting to work cropping different photos. Photography wasn't really his thing, but he dabbled. He had almost finished when the sofa dipped with the weight of another. Alec glanced up, stuffing his phone back into his pocket in a single fluid motion.

"Lightwood, was it?"

"Woolsey."

"Have you seen Magnus around?" The young man inquired, staring as if Alec were hiding him somewhere.

"He's busy." He replied tersely, flexing his fingers. It was a stress thing.

"I heard from Jess that you two were together. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable yesterday, if I'd known—"

"It's okay, I'm not hung up over it." Alec reassured him, warming up. He might've misjudged him a bit. The sincerity on Woolsey's face was genuine. "Magnus is sort of handling a bona fide Situation with a capital "S" upstairs."

"A Situation? Maybe I can help." He offered.

"It's not that kind of Situation."

"Oh." Realization dawned on his face. "I don't think I'm going upstairs."

"Wise man."

"Well, see you around."

Alec inclined his head, and watched him go. Maybe he should go upstairs. Magnus was taking an awfully long time…

He tentatively ascended, listening for something. Anything, really. And then…

"Ahhh!" Someone shrieked.

"Fuck!" Alec swore, heart nearly pounding out of his chest. Magnus raised an eyebrow triumphantly.

"Did I scare ya?"

"Don't do that." Alec let out a quavering breath. Straightened up forcefully. And opened his eyes.

"Sorry, are you okay?" He knit his brow.

"I'm okay. Where's Ragnor and Raphael?"

"Don't ask. Let's go." He waved away the question and hooked an arm around his shoulder as they walked out. "See you, Cat. Later, Tess and Jem. Sayonara, Herondale."

"Leaving so soon?" Catarina set down her beer.

"Yeah. School tomorrow and everything." Magnus answered without missing a beat. Catarina and Alec shared an eye roll.

"Uh huh. Good luck."

"Good luck?"Alec repeated, bemused.

"Maggie knows what I'm talking about."

"I told you not to call me that!" Magnus complained.

"Come on, Maggie. Let's go." Alec smirked.

"Don't you dare. I'll call you Alexander the Great."

"Excellent idea. If you want me to drop an anvil on your head."

"Such violence." Magnus shook his head in mock horror.

"Out with you lovebirds!" Will yelled from across the house.

"There's no need to be jealous." Magnus shouted back. Alec nearly dragged him out the door before Will could retort.

They were in the car and heading back up to Manhattan before either of them spoke again. Not because there was anything wrong, but because sometimes silence is needed. "What if the reason it's so hard to find four-leaf clovers is because rabbits seek them out and eat them because they want the good luck all for themselves?" Magnus asked suddenly.

Alec turned to stare at him. The lights from the cars around them illuminated his face, and in that moment, he couldn't speak. Magnus's lips curved up, like he knew that he would laugh. And he did after a moment, because how crazy was it that Alexander Lightwood was right here, right now, with an amazing boyfriend?

"I doubt rabbits can count the leaves on clovers."

"But what if?" Another eyebrow raise.

"What if we were all zombies and then there was a human apocalypse?" He let a note of challenge creep into his voice.

"What if we were just the workings of a teenage girl that needs a life?"

Alec snorted. "You, maybe."

"Hey, it's possible."

"And I have a tattoo of a rainbow on my ass."

"Do you?" Magnus perked up.

"Of course not!" Alec gave him a little push, indignant.

Another stretch of silence. "What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? Please don't say vanilla."

"What's wrong with vanilla?"

"Because it's too plain. And there's a billion other flavors that are less generic." He added before Alec could protest.

"Butter Pecan."

"Acceptable."

"What's yours? Glitter flavored?"

Magnus reached over and ruffled his hair, making it stick up. "Cookie dough."

Alec dodged away and leaned towards the window, eyes landing on the clouds above them. "Did you know," he asked softly, "that we're all made of star dust?"

"Really?"

"Yeah. Glorifies the crap out of us humans, but it's true."

"Then you are more star dust-y than anyone."

He absentmindedly studied the sky a bit more, but no stars were visible. The city itself glowed too much. "Thanks."

Magnus jerked to face him again, dumbfounded. "Did you just accept a compliment?"

"Must be your company. It's driven me insane."

"Haha." Magnus glanced at the street sign and pulled over. "Better if no one sees you get out of my car, right? Your house is only a block away."

"Okay." Alec gazed at the shadows blankly.

"I don't mean to be weird or anything, but I love you. Is it okay to say that?" Magnus undid his seat belt and touched his arm. And Alec didn't know what to do or say. Love was a commitment. A promise. A chain.

I wouldn't mind being chained to him, he thought. "I love you, too." And the moment he said it aloud, he marked the point where everything afterwards was changed. When it was more than a reciprocation or an obligation, it was a truth. One of his truths.

Magnus sealed the deal with a kiss. A deep, heavy kiss that said everything that needed to be. A kiss that inspired the Earth to keep revolving around the sun. Alec wound his fingers in his hair and Magnus cupped his cheeks in his hands. They melted into each other, and fit so, so perfectly, like they were always meant to be. And Alec didn't doubt himself anymore for one beautiful minute. But they pulled away, and his worries and fears returned.

Stop it. Be happy. Alec scolded himself.

"See you tomorrow," Magnus's eyes shone in the dark. Alec nodded wearily, squeezing the hand that had pulled him out of his head. And let go, breaking into a run and feeling the wind whip around his frame. And he realized that you don't have to be running away. You don't need to have a destination or a goal. You can just run and hear your shoes pound the concrete under you and feel your blood coursing through your veins, alive and exhilarating. That, Alec decided, was why people should run.

Sadly, it was rarely the case. And his destination wasn't so far away. He skidded to a stop, attempting to flatten his hair a bit before entering. But the was door already swinging open, Jace appearing behind it.

"Alec? Are you okay?" He hovered, unsure.

"What do you mean?"

"You— ah… never mind. We can talk tomorrow. Right now, Mom's in the kitchen with Dad. I think they were talking about you."

"Okay." Alec thanked Jace with his eyes, because, of course, if he'd actually thanked him, then he'd never hear the end of it.

"Good luck."

He stepped cautiously into the room, and Maryse glanced at him, shock registering on her face. Robert exchanged a loaded look with her, and she exhaled almost impatiently.

"How was the funeral?" She asked, a poisonous sort of sweetness to her voice.

"Oh, it was loads of fun." Alec replied bitingly, flaring up at the implication in her voice before dropping his eyes in submission. Don't step out of line. Now is not the time to exercise sarcasm.

"I see." And that was it. His parents were still regarding him disapprovingly, but nothing more was said. Nearly laughing aloud in relief, he nodded in their direction and darted upstairs, making a point of locking the bathroom door as loudly as he could.

His reflection made Alec freeze. His features were… sharpened somehow, wilder and brighter. It startled him. Was this what happened when you were in love? In love! He was a goner now. Down the rabbit hole with Jace and Clary and Simon. Maybe Isabelle, too.

"I cannot believe this," He told his mirror image.

"Believe what?" A female voice inquired. Izzy parted the shower curtains and stepped out from behind them.

"What the hell? Were you waiting for me to strip or something?" He gaped at her, aghast.

"No, of course not. I knew you would come up here eventually, so I waited." She sniffed, pretending to be affronted.

"Why are you hiding, then, like some sort of creeper?"

"I dunno. So, how'd things go?"

"How'd things go with Simon?" He retorted.

"I…" To his astonishment, color flooded her cheeks.

"By the Angel, you really like him, don't you?" He teased. She kicked him in the shin. "Ow! What was that for?"

"He probably just asked me out because I'm hot. That's the only reason anyone ever tries anything with me."

Alec almost asked, "Hot? Who are you talking about?", but his shin was still throbbing and he decided not to test his luck. Instead, he went to honest route. "Maybe he likes you because you're smart and fun to be around."

Her head snapped up. "Who said he liked me?"

"Um, he did?"

"When?" The tiniest flicker of hope on her face made him smile.

Alec mentally counted the days backwards. "Maybe a week ago? Maybe more?"

"And you didn't tell me?"

"I told him I wouldn't. But he does like you, I know that he was telling the truth."

"I need to call him." She declared, flinging open the door. But she turned back and hugged him enthusiastically, nearly knocking him over. "You're the best!"

"I know." She deserved this. Deserved to be so happy that she couldn't even hold together her dignity. She had done so much for him. Simon had better treat her well. And Alec knew that he would.

Izzy plucked her phone from her pocket and the door to her room slammed shut.

"Now what?" He asked his reflection conversationally. No better time to go insane than the present. When the mirror didn't answer (and good thing it didn't), he turned his back to it and stepped into the hallway.

Alec entered his room cautiously, checking to see if any more of his siblings were trying to be stalker-ninjas. When nothing happened, his gaze dropped to his pencil on his desk and he knew what he needed to do.

* * *

**A/N: I'm back! Sorry for temporarily dying and leaving you people hanging. Rest assured, I'm not usually insane enough to post this early, but I'll be at a football game for the rest of the day. School is kicking my ass, but when does it not? The straight A pluses on my interim are probably the best set of grades I'll have all year. Anyways, deviating from my mediocre life, you guys reading right now are the best. Seriously. All that said and done, (as always) stay awesome ;)**


	18. Chapter 18

A fairly accurate likeness of Magnus sat before him now, face bathed in light from surrounding traffic. Alec tilted his head, satisfied. He'd captured the basic essence of the moment, and he could go back and improve later, seeing as it was only a pencil sketch at time being. More important matters were at hand, though. The more important matter being that he'd nearly pulled an all-nighter, only having gone to bed at five in the morning.

Unsurprisingly, when Alec finally managed to stumble over to the bus stop, he had a pounding headache and a constant ringing in his ears.

"I feel," He began as he lowered himself into the seat next to Magnus, "like shit."

"We weren't back that late," Magnus blinked in confusion.

"Well, I was kind of… busy. So I didn't actually sleep that much."

"Busy?"

"Let me know when we get there." Alec closed his eyes and drew his knees up to his chin. Magnus leaned against him so he could rest his head against his shoulder. And then, in what seemed like a single second later, an elbow jabbed him in the side.

"Already?" Alec groaned.

"Yep, sorry." Magnus pulled him to his feet.

"I hate life."

"Doesn't everyone? We cope, I suppose."

Alec closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them again. "Okay. I'm fine. I'm fantastic. Never been better. Going to learn now. Things are wonderful."

"I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or if you're actually that positive." Magnus observed.

"I'm coping."

"What you're doing is freaking me out." They fell into step beside each other as they entered the building.

"I'm fine," repeated Alec, waving a hand vaguely. "I think I'm dead inside, but completely okay. In a figurative sense."

"I don't know how it's possible to be okay in a figurative sense, but you're Da Boss."

"Damn right." Alec agreed, smiling forcefully. "See you later."

He found himself staring listlessly at the wall throughout the next few classes, ignoring his teachers entirely. It wasn't like he was really missing out. Before Magnus came, he spent his weekends studying ahead in the curriculum, learning things yet to be taught. What else did he have to do? He'd kept himself busy. Things worked out then. And now things were different.

Lunch came. Isabelle and Simon sat apart from everyone else, speaking in whispered conversations and staring at each other with moony expressions. And everything else was like it always was, until Maia approached him, escorted by Bat. Her amber eyes were round with anxiety, and she kept glancing across the room nervously. Alec attempted to follow her gaze, but had no idea what she was looking at.

"I need to talk to you. In private." She murmured to him. And he understood that it was about Jordan.

"Be right back." He told his friends, following her into a deserted hallway.

"Okay, um, this may sound weird. But… oh, you're clever! I know you've thought about it. You think it's him that did it, don't you?" She burst out, deciding not to beat around the bush.

"By him, do you mean—?" But Maia stole the name from his lips.

"Sebastian!"

"Well, yes." He admitted.

"Do you think there's any way of knowing for sure? I'd confront him myself, but… he kind of scares me. He reminds me of… someone I used to know."

"Someone that hurt you. Someone you hate." Alec elaborated. Because he knew that he wasn't going to leave Jordan in the Unsolved Mysteries drawer. He could pretend that all was well, but with Maia watching him so hopefully, he knew what he needed to do.

"How did you know?" Her voice was small.

"I'm usually good at guessing stuff like that. Call it my talent if you wish." He shrugged.

"So… do you truly think it was him?"

"I'm not saying that I'm right. But that's what I believe."

"Oh my God, I kept thinking, but he's just stupid Sebastian. He's a dick, but I didn't think he would…"

"He's more than just a dick though. He's unnerving." Alec confided, relieved when she nodded in understanding. So it wasn't just him who thought that something was off about the guy. And then he wondered about Jace. Was he in danger? It was no secret that they despised one another. "I'll look into it."

Maia gasped, then threw her arms around him. "Thank you so, so much. You are absolutely amazing."

Before Alec could come up with an appropriate response to her overflowing gratitude, the doors swung open and Magnus appeared. They jumped apart.

"I'll join if you upstanding citizens are into threesomes." He purred jokingly.

"Never say anything like that again." Alec ordered, blushing as the immensely disturbing image popped into his head.

"You're Da Boss." Magnus gave a little salute. Alec narrowed his eyes.

"Is this going to become a Thing?"

"Yes. Probably. Maybe. Not likely." Magnus grinned winningly.

"Good enough." He turned to Maia. "I'll let you know if there are any new developments, okay?"

"Right." She affirmed, suddenly brisk. "Well, best not to keep Bat waiting." Maia slunk away, leaving Magnus and Alec alone.

"What was that about?" The golden green eyes glimmered with curiosity.

"Jordan." Alec explained, and Magnus nodded knowingly.

"Had a feeling it would be that. Come on, you're going to eat something. If you starve yourself, I will personally stuff food down your throat."

"Okay, okay. Calm your metaphorical tits."

"You're quite fond of metaphors, Mr. Lightwood."

"Astute observation, Mr. Bane. Bravo." Alec mimed applause.

"Thank you, thank you very much." Magnus bowed grandly.

"Alec! Magnus!" Clary nearly slammed into him as she exploded out of the cafeteria doors.

"What?" Alec asked urgently, hearing the panic in her voice. One thing after another with these people. Excitement everywhere, all the time.

"It's Jace and Sebastian. They went off to one of the empty classrooms to fight. I tried to talk him out of it, but that idiot wouldn't listen. He baited him by saying some awful things about why he was adopted. He's… so angry. Angrier than I've ever seen him before." Her expression was a fiery as her hair.

"By the Angel," Alec swore. "Which room is he in?"

"I'm not sure what the room number was, just follow me." She rushed off, leaving Magnus and Alec to share a glance before pursuing their friend.

"This happens often, then?" Magnus muttered to him out of the corner of his mouth.

"Often enough. I have to keep them in check every now and then."

"Them? Isabelle's not that sort of fighter, is she?"

"More devious than out outright threat when she's mad, but there's been the occasional physical quarrel that I had to pull her out. Honestly, doesn't anyone think of the ramifications for their actions?"

"But who kept you in check?"

"I kept myself in check." Alec answered as he stopped behind Clary, who was peering into room.

"Very not good. If a teacher walked in on them…" She shook her head, then entered without warning.

Jace and Sebastian broke apart, fists still clenched. Jace wiped blood from his lip, while Sebastian let it flow from his nose and drip down his face. Alec shut his eyes tight. The image was… disturbing. There was no other word for it.

"Okay, break it up, gents." Magnus spread his hands. "No need for barbaric attitude."

"What're you gonna do, freak?" Sebastian sneered. Magnus's face hardened, eyes narrowed into icy slits. He opened his mouth to respond, but Alec stepped between them, making an attempt to seem calm despite the indignation burning in the pit of his stomach.

"Jace, go back to the Cafeteria with Clary." Jace looked like he wanted to argue, but Alec shook head almost imperceptibly, still silently fuming. Their eyes met. With a last spiteful glare in Sebastian's direction, he stormed out of the room.

"Well, someone's got to put a leash on the family pet." The boy with the dark, dark irises sighed, sounding for all the world like he really was just talking about a particularly troublesome dog. A single drop of blood dripped off his chin and landed on the shiny tiles of the floor.

Alec ignored him and turned to leave. Magnus mimicked him.

"You intrigue me. So level-headed where your brother is not."

The words brought a shiver to his spine. He tried to stay silent, but he couldn't help himself. He spun around and fixed Sebastian with a baleful stare. "Find someone else to intrigue you."

Sebastian didn't move, just regarded him curiously. Alec left as fast as he could, striding briskly at first, then breaking into something of a run.

"Alec. Alec!" Magnus managed to catch up with him and grabbed his wrist. "Wait up! Are you okay?"

"I'm okay. Sebastian's just an asshole." He let out a long breath. "I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you, or Jace, or even myself. I didn't want to antagonize him more."

"I don't mind. I've been called worse. But what's wrong with antagonizing him? He'd deserve it a thousand times over."

"You know of Aesop's Fables?"

"Indeed. What specific moral applies to this situation? Do tell. I love stories." Magnus declared as they rounded a corner.

Alec rolled his eyes. "Two goats started at the same moment, from opposite ends, to cross a rude bridge that was only wide enough for one to cross at a time. Meeting at the middle of the bridge, neither would give way to the other. They locked horns and fought for the right of way, until they both fell into the torrent below and were drowned."

"Absolutely adore those. Very direct and to-the-point."

"And it means?" Alec probed.

"Yeah, yeah, it means that you should know when to yield. You should be a teacher."

"Oh, Raziel no." He shuddered in mock horror.

"Just kidding. Let's hurry up, don't want to be late."

"Alright, see you later." Magnus gave him one last long, searching look before disappearing down the stairs.

Alec stood there for a moment, completely still, then headed back to class, where he was still unable to pay attention. Half-formed thoughts swirled around in his mind. Why would Sebastian kill Jordan over a simple disagreement? Many people hated him, it wasn't like Jordan was the only one he'd ever fallen out with. Unless… it was just a starting act. That he wasn't done. But how did Alec even know that it was Sebastian? That didn't matter. It had to be. Maia thought so, too, after all. But they could be wrong…

The bell rang, signaling the end of class. Alec flinched, caught unawares. Gathering up his stuff, he dropped them off at his locker and met Magnus near the front doors.

"I don't think you're okay," He decided, observing Alec with a crease in his brow as they walked to their bus.

"Haven't we already gone over this?"

"My dad's on a business trip, won't be home 'til Friday. If you're able to come over today…"

"Maybe. Jace, Izzy, and Max have lied for me and covered me so much already. I'd hate to keep doing this to them."

"You'll just be giving a friend some homework help."

"Homework help." Alec rolled his eyes. "Good to know that I'm so altruistic."

"But you are! You just don't know it." Magnus protested.

"Okay, okay. I'm altruistic."

"Why're you so worried about what your parents know? You're eighteen, and by what you've told me, it sounds like they have no right to judge what you do." They sat down beside each other, unconsciously lowering their voices.

"It's just… I can't. I don't know." Alec's voice trembled. He couldn't handle this right now. Jordan and his parents, Magnus and his siblings. "I'm just not ready. I'm not as brave as you, Mags."

"You don't have to be. You just have to tell the truth."

"You should know that the truth can be the hardest thing to tell." Alec watched him, and saw him as he'd seen him when they first met. Masked. Untouchable. Magnus had recognized what Alec had accidentally implied. "I didn't mean it like that! I'm not saying that you lie! Ugh, I never do anything right, I'm so stupid!"

"It's fine." Magnus said robotically, although it obviously wasn't.

"I'm just worried… what if they don't understand? What if they react badly? I've never been able to comprehend the needless hatred that some people have in their hearts. I don't want to see my parents reject me. Who would I be then, if not a son?"

"A brother. A boyfriend." Magnus supplied, gently touching his hand.

"That should be enough. It's all I need. But it doesn't feel right. They weren't always like this, you know. My parents." He clarified. "They used to be… I don't know. Better, I guess. More attentive. But after Max was born, they just kind of melted away into the background. Four children can do that to you, I suppose."

Magnus was silent for a moment. "I've always wanted a sibling when I was younger. It seemed amazing, that there could be a person that was your friend and family all at once. A person that, no matter how unbearably annoying, you would care about. But I learned that sometimes the blood bond wasn't enough. Tessa's brother… he did something unforgivable. It's not my story to tell, though."

They both gasped when the bus jolted to a stop. It was easy to forget everything else when they were together.

"We can watch Home Alone at my place if you want. I've got extra buttery movie theater popcorn." Magnus offered. Alec nodded slowly.

"Be right back." He ran to catch up with Jace. "Could you please tell Mom I went to a friend's house if she asks?"

Jace stared at him with unreadable eyes, then extended a hand. "I can drop your book bag in your room if you want."

"Thanks." Alec held his gaze in surprise, unable to express his gratitude, and then fell back until he was at Magnus's side again. They ignored Maureen, who was staring at them from across the street. "Did you say Home Alone?"

"Don't judge, okay? I love Home Alone, kid's movie or not."

"I'm not judging. I love that movie too." They grinned dopily at each other for a moment.

"Last one there's cat chow." Magnus announced suddenly, then took off. Alec caught up to him quickly, then spun around.

"I win."

"Remind me never to race you again." Magnus dug around in his pocket for a key, proceeding to open the door wide. "After you."

Alec stepped inside and was immediately ambushed by a tiny kitten. It purred and curled around his legs. "This is Chairman Meow?"

"Yep. Seems like he likes you. More than he likes me, might I add. Little traitor."

"He's adorable."

"You two can go elope to Canada for all I care." Magnus sniffed, dropping his backpack and sauntering into the kitchen. Moments later, he could hear kernels popping. "Go ahead and start the movie, disk's on the coffee table!" He called.

Alec obliged, sitting down on the couch tentatively. After a few minutes, Magnus flopped down beside him with a large bowl in his hands.

"You aren't in front of a firing squad, darling." He stretched his legs across Alec's lap.

"Ha ha." Alec deadpanned. "You're so funny, I might actually have a heart attack."

Magnus snickered, and he couldn't help but mirror his smile. "Well, go ahead. Press play."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for taking so long. Again. Tis a busy life indeed. I'm over the moon about Star Wars: The Force Awakens. I own all six movies, plus three bonus disks. Simon would be proud. I'm seeing it in 3D at the IMAX this evening. Now, to the more important stuff. On Wednesday, I'm going on a twelve hour drive to Florida. So I'll definitely try to type a significantly long chapter for you guys during that time. Happy holidays, thank you guys so, so much for reading, and as always, stay awesome (and warm) ;)**


	19. Chapter 19

"Afraid of catching the Sexy Disease?" Magnus waved the ice cream cone in the air.

"Thought I already had it." Alec remarked, screwing up his face. "Are you sure you haven't licked that side?"

"I'm certain, Alexander. And even if I did, it wouldn't make you sick. Come on, you won't have to let me try yours."

He leaned forward suspiciously, then poked the scoop with his tongue. "There. Happy? Why would anyone ever get party flavored? It just tastes like crayons and has a ton of artificial coloring."

"Way to suck the fun out of things. This is supposed to be our first official date, so restrain yourself from giving me these reality checks."

"Sorry. Can't help it." Alec shrugged. "If it makes you feel better, you can try mine." He immediately regretted his decision when Magnus took a big ass bite out of the side of his scoop. "What the hell, Mags?"

"Would you rather I lick it slowly and seductively? Because I assure you that I would do it in a heartbeat—"

Alec clutched his desert to his chest, turning pink. "I understand. No need to demonstrate."

"I thought so." Magnus smirked. "Already control freaking, I see."

"I love ice cream, okay? If you hadn't already, this would have won me over." He said it lightheartedly, but his boyfriend beamed nevertheless.

"Aw, I love you too, darling." And there it was, the elephant in the room. They were going steady, sure, but when does like-liking (to use elementary school terminology) someone beget loving someone?

To distract him, Alec drummed his fingertips on the table loudly. "Jace, Clary, Simon, Isabelle, Max, and I are going to this place called Taki's for lunch tomorrow if you want to show up."

"I might just stop by." Magnus returned his wide smile. "Never could pass an opportunity to canoodle with a pretty boy."

"How sweet." Alec crooned in a falsetto, batting his eyelashes exaggeratedly.

"I was talking about Seymour. I'm a sucker for glasses." Magnus stifled a smirk.

"Uh huh." Alec elbowed him in the ribs, quivering with suppressed laughter and crushing the urge to correct the butchered name. "Good thing Mr. Glasses Fetish has already paid for my ice cream."

"I'm just a charitable person."

"Absolutely." He agreed, crunching through the last bit of his waffle cone. They grabbed their respective jackets and shielded their faces from the wind outside as they made a beeline for Alec's car. "My lips are going to get so chapped."

"Use chapstick, then." Magnus suggested.

"It makes me uncomfortable, though. It's so sticky. Blechhh." Alec put the Mustang in reverse and pulled out.

"Better than having you lips crack and bleed every ten seconds."

"True. I'll try to borrow some from Iz."

"So it's okay to share germs with her, but not me?" Magnus demanded, raising an eyebrow.

"She's my sister." Alec rolled his eyes.

"You kiss me on a regular basis, though. We swap spit more than you do with her."

"That's different." He sighed.

"Sounds like double standards to me."

"Okay, so maybe there's some double standards involved. But you'll forgive me."

"True," Magnus conceded, turning up the heater. "It's just November, why is it so cold?"

"Global cooling?" Alec offered distractedly, craning his neck to see how many cars were ahead of him.

"Nah, scientists would notice if it was."

"Granted, they do think that global warming is real." Alec snorted.

"You're a skeptic too?"

"Evidently."

"Where's Taki's, anyway?"

"Maybe a mile from Alicante High." Alec responded, and then fell silent in concentration as he maneuvered the car into a parallel parking spot. "Gods, I hate these."

"Wait, where are we? Are we going somewhere else?" Magnus asked, noting the fact that they were most definitely not on Institute Lane.

"Um, I kind of wanted to show you something." Alec blushed.

"Did you temporarily rent an office for us to film a porno in?"

"What?"

"Never mind, just kidding."

"This is the Silent Brothers' Art Gallery. We're in SoHo."

"Because…" Magnus prompted.

"You'll see." He answered cryptically, pushing the doors open and blinking to adjust to the gallery's bright lighting. "Hi, Jeremiah."

The man sitting at the info desk briefly inclined his head in acknowledgment before returning his attention to his magazine.

Alec led Magnus to the room labeled "Local Art" and strode up to a painting on the far wall. It depicted a terrain of high grasses which connected to the shore of a large lake. The sky above was speckled with stars, which were reflected in the indigo waters. A small plaque underneath informed them that it was The Mirror of Dreams by Alex Trueblood.

"Wow, that's amazing." Magnus leaned closer, seemingly transfixed. Alec allowed himself a small smile.

"I donated it last month. The Brothers told me that if I did more work of this quality, they'd buy it."

"You did this?" Magnus stared at him. "Why isn't the name right?"

"I didn't want anyone who knows me to see it. Trueblood is my mom's maiden name. So yeah, just thought you'd be interested in seeing it." He shrugged, not even minding his fiery cheeks. Okay, so maybe it was a little embarrassing.

"You should take credit for this, though! You're so talented!"

"I guess I was being paranoid about my parents somehow finding out. They want me to actually contribute to society, and my wanting to be an artist won't count as doing so to them." Alec said sardonically.

"What'll you do after we graduate, though?"

"I'm hoping to be accepted at Idris. I've already got some scholarship money for winning a few contests. Of course, for everything that I sent in, I requested that I remain anonymous to the public."

Magnus made an admiring sound. "Is that a real place?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Sometimes I can imagine places like they're right in front of me. When I close my eyes. It's just this weird thing. That's Lake Lyn, and those are the Brocelind Plains. The one I'm working on, it's this massive city, with glowing spires that give the illusion of glass. It's in a shallow valley, divided by a river from which canals are dug. The houses pile on top of each other, and are made of honey colored stones. The roofs are all red tile. I know it's not real, but there's something about it..." He realized that he was rambling, and decided to shut his mouth.

"Whats weird is that I actually…" Here, Magnus swallowed hard. "I think I've had a dream about that city. Your description is very familiar. But to me, it was a city all of blood, with towers made of bone and blood running in the streets. More of a nightmare than a dream, really."

Alec blanched. "Are you serious? How is that possible?"

"I could be wrong. It depends on whether you believe that it's more than a coincidence." Magnus's eyes glinted.

He sighed. "Yes, I do. How could I not?"

"Good. Now, let's go."

He wasn't going to complain about the subject change, but this was a little too vague, even for him. "Go where?"

"Anywhere. Somewhere. Nowhere."

"That's very specific, thanks for those details."

"We could go home."

"I'm not ready yet." Alec shut that idea down abruptly.

"Yeah, me neither. Want to look around a bit more?"

"Sure. Did I mention that Clary's the one that talked me into submitting The Mortal Mirror? She did that one next to mine, the one with the Mortal Cup."

"Mortal Mirror? I though it was The Mirror of Dreams. And isn't that one The Angel's Cup?"

"She and I have our own names for them. We're actually doing The Mortal Sword as a collaboration sometime soon. Then, we'll have the full set. The Mortal Instruments."

"That's pretty awesome. Who came up with the plan for the set?"

"I did. It's kind of modeled after the old stories my parents used to tell my siblings and I." Alec admitted. "Clary liked the idea, and the result is before you."

"What're you going to call the sword?"

"Maybe The Soul Blade." He made a noncommittal gesture.

"So it's about those Shadowhunters that you mentioned."

"Exactly. You've been paying attention."

"Could you tell me the stories, then? If they're so important to you, Jace, and Isabelle, I'd like to hear them." Magnus requested, his voice hushed like they were being hounded by immensely strict librarians.

Alec hesitated for only the barest moment. "It'd take a long time to tell the whole thing, but here's how it starts. A thousand years ago, the Angel Raziel was summoned during a time when the Incursion was at its peak, when a huge wave of demons crossed dimensions into the human world. Raziel rose from Lake Lyn and mixed some of his own blood with the blood of Jonathan, the first Shadowhunter, in a cup, which became known as the Mortal Cup, and gave it to him to drink, entrusting with him the responsibility of creating more of his kind by letting others drink from it. Along with the Cup, Raziel also gave him the Mortal Sword. However, the Mortal Mirror was forever lost."

"But it's the lake, right?"

"I know. But the Shadowhunters didn't realize. They thought it was a physical mirror."

"Did they ever find it?"

"My mom never said whether they did, so I guess not. Anyways, Jonathan created more Shadowhunters with the Cup, angelic warriors that would, invisible to the eye, protect the humans from the demons. Thus ending the backstory."

"But there's more." Magnus pressed.

"So much more. But I can't remember much of it anyways. I was just a kid, y'know, and besides, my mom wasn't really one for redundancy. She told the stories once, then never mentioned them again."

"So you believe in Angels." It wasn't a question.

"I'm not stupid. I don't think that the Shadowhunters are real. But I think that Angels should exist. So I believe in the idea of them." Alec said with a strict finality.

"I understand." Magnus assured him, and he did.

"I think we should go now."

"But where to?" Magnus asked, belatedly realizing that their roles were now reversed.

"You can decide." Alec reached into his pocket and dropped his keys into Magnus's palm. "Just don't leave the state, okay?"

He grinned. "I know just the place."

"Guess Bane isn't showing up." Jace said to Alec the next afternoon.

"Maybe he's just late." He replied weakly.

Jace opened his mouth to argue, but Clary touched his wrist. "That's a possibility." She agreed, glancing at her boyfriend pointedly.

"Where's Kaelie? I haven't seen her since she asked for our drink orders. And that was fifteen minutes ago." Simon spoke up, raising his voice because of the Sunday crowd.

Max sighed. "If she doesn't show up in five minutes, I'm asking Clancy for a coloring sheet."

"That's a bit extreme." Izzy examined a chipped nail with a frown.

"There she is, gossiping with one of her friends by the looks of it." Jace grumbled, pointing openly.

"Wait, I'll do it." Alec stretched his legs, having recognized that Kaelie's so called friend was Helen Blackthorn. The blond girl was sitting by herself, eyes red from crying, and the waitress helplessly murmured words of comfort.

"Oh! I'm so sorry, I just had to—" Kaelie began apologetically, jumping up the moment he approached.

"It's fine." Alec slid into the seat beside Helen, and Kaelie bustled off, abashed. "Are you okay?"

"Aline and I had a fight, we both said some things that we shouldn't have and she hates me now, it's all my fault—"

"Slow down." Alec soothed, hiding his shock at the thought of the inseparable duo having a falling out.

"What do I do?" She stared at him desperately.

"I—" Alec brain temporarily shorted out. "Just talk to her. She'd never hate you. Aline doesn't hate anyone."

"Talk to her?" Helen sniffed, a pitiful attempt at derision. "Easier said than done."

"I know. It's your best bet for you to fix things with her, though, isn't it?" He internally winced at his shitty advice.

"I'll give it a try, but no promises." She focused on the table. Alec took this as his cue to leave, but before he walked back to his table, he heard her voice behind him. "Thanks."

He glanced back and gave her a small smile. The moment he wasn't watching where he was going, he bumped into a very tall someone.

"Surprise, darling!" Magnus grinned.

"You couldn't resist the chance to canoodle with Simon and his glasses, couldn't you?"

"Couldn't help myself." Magnus agreed.

"Shut up." And then they were both beaming like lunatics.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, my dad called and we had one of those serious chats." He shuddered.

"About what?"

"Oh, just stuff. My future, basically."

"Your future isn't just stuff." Alec protested, more vehemently than he'd intended.

Magnus simply shrugged. "Come here often?"

Alec knew a subject change when he heard one, but decided not to press the matter. "Usually when everyone meets up."

"Everyone? Quite a lot of people. Around seven billion, to be exact." Magnus teased.

"You know what I mean." He rolled his eyes. "The Lightwoods, Clary, and Simon. You too, I guess."

"You too, I guess." Magnus mimicked, dodging Alec's attempt to kick him in the heel. "Don't scuff these, they're Gucci high-tops."

Alec blinked at him wordlessly, processing. Gucci. He knew it was a fashion company, and that was about it.

Magnus, either not noticing or not caring about Alec's puzzled silence, did an overly dramatic twirl. "Like them?"

"Is the sky blue?" He made sure to let his lips curve up into a smile. He wouldn't belittle what was important to his boyfriend.

"That's what I thought."

Alec began to feel awkward, as he didn't have anything else to say. "Let's sit down."

Magnus paused in front of Isabelle and proceeded to examine her up and down. "Christian Louboutin?" He asked appreciatively.

Alec followed his gaze and saw Isabelle's bright blue gladiator sandals. Was it freezing outside or not? How did she still have toes?

"Amazoulo." Izzy confirmed, nodding her approval at his recognition.

"Good choice."

"And that's…" She narrowed her eyes, thinking for a moment. "Loewe, right?" She gestured towards his rainbow striped scarf-looking thing. Alec didn't know exactly what it was.

Here, Jace interceded in the form of a long, drawn out groan. "I'm dying. Someone… please… stop their babbling."

Magnus and Izzy looked moderately offended, but fell silent.

"Hey, Glittery Guy." Max chirped. "It seems like you've discovered something called a door. Now you won't have to use windows to exit buildings." All hail Master of Sarcasm.

"I like you." Magnus decided. "You remind me of myself."

"Ooh, spooky." Alec smirked.

"What are the implications of that statement?" Magnus's eyebrows were raised again. Alec briefly wondered whether there were Eyebrow Olympics.

"He doesn't want our little bro to end up like you," Jace suggested.

"You're a dick," Alec suggested in the exact same tone. Simon coughed to cover up a snicker.

"So, where did you guys go yesterday?" Izzy queried shamelessly.

Alec placed a hand on Magnus's leg under the table to show that he would give them a filtered answer. "We hung around in the High Line."

"But you mentioned something about ice cream," Jace put in suspiciously.

"Plans change, Goldilocks." Magnus shot back breezily. The rest of the group silently debated whether he was bluffing, and an uncomfortable pause ensued.

"Did you hear about the increase of murders around the city?" Clary asked nervously, reading the news on her phone. "Lots of the victims are in our age group."

"Ehh, it's happened before." Simon said carelessly, trying to distract her.

"But experts say that it may be one killer, not multiple." She argued.

Alec was only half paying attention until a thought crossed his mind. Could it be Sebastian? He hadn't seen much of him out and about lately. But maybe he was simply being paranoid. Was he really that paranoid? It was like he was a closet psycho. Haha, closet. He was hilarious in his own head. And possibly deranged. "Could you forward me the article?" He requested nonchalantly, hoping that he wouldn't be asked why. She nodded, seeming relieved that at least one other person cared.

"Aw, don't tell me you're buying into it." Jace gave him a nudge, probably hoping to knock some sense into him. It was ineffective, and resulted in Clary giving him a Death Stare.

"Don't blame me when you get murdered, then." She huffed.

Jace chortled. "Like anyone could murder all this gorgeousness."

Simon snorted covertly, but Max made no attempt to conceal his derisive laugh. The younger boy then reached into his pocket, withdrew his phone, and poked Jace's throat with it. "Bang. If I were secretly a homicidal maniac and this was a knife or gun, you'd be dead."

"But you're not a homicidal maniac," Isabelle reminded him.

He rolled his eyes. "Well, duh. You're missing my point. Does literally anyone get what I'm saying?"

"Well, he wouldn't expect you to make an attempt on his life because you're his little brother. If it were someone he didn't know, he most likely wouldn't have sat there, doing nothing while you inserted a blade into his neck." Magnus told him.

"But that's not the point. Max could very well try to kill him, or someone else he trusts. Hell, even I could've been the theoretical murderer. Do you underestimate how easy it is to die? I bet people who are killed in random acts of violence don't wake up wondering if they'll die that day. They probably think that they'll live to be old. Then, boom! Game over." Alec splayed his fingers.

There was a stunned silence. Then, Max piped up. "See, Alec gets it." He resumed toying with the salt and pepper shakers.

"We haven't even ordered yet." Jace gave Alec the look that told him to stop acting mentally unstable.

"Go get Kaelie, then." He prompted, suddenly very tired. Jace took the cue and stood, looking like the typical annoyed customer. Alec leaned on Magnus's shoulder and sighed.

"Are you alright?" His boyfriend asked, concerned.

"Sorry. There's some weird shit up there. I think too much." He tapped his forehead.

"It's not your fault. Besides, my weird shit is probably weirder than yours."

Alec gave him a weak smile. "Yeah, right. Your weird shit couldn't hold a candle to my weird shit."

"How about we all stop talking about weird shit?" Izzy proposed.

"But my weird shit is obviously superior to their weird shit." Simon complained.

"Yeah, right. The weirdest shit you have is your collection of…" Clary began, but Simon gave her a look that bordered on dangerous, and she shut up.

At that moment, Jace came back with Kaelie in tow. Magnus shared a conspiratorial glance with Alec, then directed his next comment across the table. "Oi, Blondie. You gonna order the weird shit?" Everyone snickered like a group of five year olds.

Jace frowned. "You guys have all gone off the deep end."

"Yep, that's us. The Crazies Incorporated." Alec deadpanned, amusement fading as quickly as it had arrived.

"Um… orders?" The waitress raised her notepad expectantly, and he zoned out again. A hand squeezed his.

"What do you want?" Magnus murmured softly.

"Whatever you're getting." He decided listlessly, examining a hangnail on his thumb with glassy eyes. It was only when Kaelie rushed back to the kitchen that he was disturbed again.

"Are you feeling sick?" Izzy reached out to check his temperature, but he ducked away.

"I'm not sick. Just tired." The words he'd said a billion times not so many years ago.

"Just tired." Jace repeated. "It's not even two o'clock yet and you're tired? You weren't tired half an hour ago."

"That was half an hour ago." He noticed his hands, which were trembling by themselves. Not enough for anyone else to notice, but trembling nonetheless. And there it was, the raw fear, chest filled with broken glass. Oh gods. "Be right back." He managed, standing up and fighting to control his legs. Just walk. Don't look back. Act normal.

Alec could feel his heart racing. Come on, he thought. Restroom on your left. It's empty. Good. Okay, open the stall door, step in, lock it behind you. Lower the toilet lid, sit down. Breathe. In. Out. He was going to die, as surely as the sun would set. Alec struggled for breath, being smothered, suffocated. Everything was spiraling in pointless circles.

Maybe a thousand years later, he heard the door slam open. "Alec?!" Jace shouted, and Magnus echoed him, equally terrified.

Alec didn't answer, but his ragged breathing answered for itself.

"Shit." Jace kicked at the door, but he made no attempt to unlock it. He couldn't let Magnus see him as this helpless mess. Out of control. His heart thundered in his ears. And then there was a different voice persistently addressing him.

"Come on, darling. Please?"

Gasping now. His mind was clearing. The storm clouds were lifting. He debated for a moment, then decided that the worst of the attack was over. "Okay." Alec relented, and he shakily stepped out, trying to look as though nothing was wrong even though he obviously looked terrible.

"I can drop you back off at your house." Magnus offered, supporting him in his arms.

"I'll do it." Jace cut in, squeezing his wrist to check his pulse. They both looked to him.

There it was, the choice between two people he loved in different ways. He shut his eyes briefly, composing himself although tiny, uncontrollable shivers still plagued him. Behind his eyelids, he could see Jace three years ago, sitting beside him as he struggled for breath. His brother had done enough for him. Asking for even more would be selfish.

"Magnus can do it. You should stay with Clary." Alec's voice was almost unrecognizable as he dug car keys of of his pocket and pressed them into his hand. "Don't wreck my car."

"Let's go, then." His boyfriend swung and arm around him and helped him out the door. Jace stared at him for a long time, and it was strange that he couldn't read his emotions, couldn't tell if he was relieved or angry. Izzy tried to stand up, but Max, seeing that he didn't need a stack of people all over him, blocked her and put a hand on her shoulder. She froze, seeming to realize that he knew what he was doing, and reluctantly sat back down.

"I'm sorry." Magnus's voice nearly, but not completely, jolted him out of his trancelike daze. And even though Alec turned in his direction, Magnus could tell that he wasn't really looking at him. "Baby. I'm right here, right now. What's fourteen thousand, one hundred thirty six divided by five hundred and eighty nine?"

He faltered, stopping in the middle of the road. After nearly a minute, he spoke. "Twenty four. And don't ever call me Baby again."

"You're alive! And a genius!" Magnus gushed.

"Barely." With a wry smile, he plopped down in the passenger seat. "Gods, my chest hurts. Like someone tried to scoop out my innards."

"I hate it when people try to scoop out my innards. Not even kidding. Like, I was at this rave, and this girl, she was higher than the Empire State. I don't know what she'd been smoking, but she went at me with this spoon for no reason. Just lost it and tried to kill me."

"Wow. Did you know her?" Alec attempted to imagine said scenario, but no luck.

"Sort of. Her name was Lexi Page, and I never saw her again after that day. She was hit by a car."

"Ouch." He cringed.

"You're telling me. Sometimes I feel like I bring misfortune on everyone I come across."

"Don't be daft. If I'd never met you, I'd probably still be having my identity crisis thing."

"So your identity crisis thing has been resolved?"

"It's funny, because the moment I stopped giving a rat's ass, everything came together."

"Things have a way of doing that, in the end."

"But this isn't the end! It's the beginning." As soon as Magnus safely slowed to a stop in front of his house, he took his hand. Like always, they fit together perfectly.

"Of course it is." He amended.

Alec cast a cautious glance around to make sure there were no passerby before performing the usual brief kiss. "Want to go see a movie next week?"

"On Saturday, absolutely. But on Sunday, we can visit a few of my old haunts. There's a place I'm sure you'd love."

"Until next time, then."

"Until next time." Magnus echoed, grinning.

Alec slid out of his seat and jogged up to the front door, gaze flicking back just to see that bright yellow car speed away. Maryse Lightwood watched it, too, then alerted her son to her presence.

"Who was that?"

He jumped nearly a foot in the air. "Oh! That's… um… a friend." Great job, he thought sarcastically. Very convincing.

"I thought you were with your siblings." She narrowed her eyes.

"I was. But…" He hesitated, then decided to be honest. "I had another attack."

"They're growing more frequent, aren't they? What triggered it?" Her expression hardened.

"I don't know. I've just been kind of anxious lately, since Jordan…"

"Do you want to stay home tomorrow?"

"No! I'll be okay."

"You don't know that for sure." She turned back, and Alec could see that she'd been watching the local news. "Be careful, alright?"

"I will." And that, on the other hand, wasn't exactly the truest truth.

* * *

**A/N: It's been a while. Gods, between school and homework and extracurricular activities, it's been insane. But I swear that not a week has passed in which I haven't guiltily remembered that I needed to update this. Thank you a trillion times to you guys who've supported me with reviews, follows, favorites, and views. This chapter wouldn't be possible without you. I'll try to have the next chapter out in a month at the latest, and if I don't, feel free to flood me with agitated PMs. Anywho, how would you peoples feel about having a Magnus POV next chapter, along with a time lapse? It definitely wouldn't be a common event, and I'm only strongly considering it because of the cliffhanger possibilities. Yes, I am evil. As always, stay awesome ;)**


	20. Chapter 20

No one walked the streets alone anymore. Sure, the city was bustling with life, same as always, but it seemed as though everyone had been slightly subdued by a looming danger. At this point in February, dozens and dozens of people had been found dead or missing (found missing… that was a bit of an oxymoron, and also beside the point). The eyes of the nation were on New York.

Alec had told Magnus that he didn't watch the news anymore. He hated looking at pictures of people and knowing that they'd been killed. It was like he blamed himself or something. Whenever someone would speculate on who the murderer was, his eyes would narrow and he'd press his lips into a tight line.

Magnus knew that he was hiding something, but refused to push him. If Alec knew anything important, he'd undoubtably say something.

There was no time to think of the recent unfortunate events swirling around them, though. It was Valentine's Day, and Magnus was going all-out with a box of Godiva chocolate. The moment he presented it to his boyfriend, Alec fixed him with a long stare. "You're going to end up eating more of it than I am, aren't you?"

"Probably," He admitted with a grin, and was rewarded with a mirroring smile.

"Well, thanks anyways."

"You're very welcome." Magnus bowed exaggeratedly.

"C'mon, I gotta show you something!" Alec suddenly brightened and grabbed his hand before dragging him outside. "It's in my car."

Over the months, Alec had grown increasingly erratic, with his mood swinging from pensive to joyous in the blink of an eye. When confronted, he denied his unpredictability so vehemently that Magnus was certain that he was oblivious to his own behavior. At the same time, however, at school, he faded into the background so much that even Magnus sometimes forgot that he was there. Any progress that he'd made when it came to letting his personality surface in front of peers inexplicably vanished.

What disturbed Magnus more than any of this, however, was that whenever that creep Sebastian showed up, Alec would completely stiffen up. His eyes would deaden, and his features would dull. There was something very wrong, and he'd yet to discover what it was.

But right now, he was so full of life, and Magnus couldn't bring himself to worry.

Alec popped open the trunk and revealed a covered canvas. Magnus was prodded in the ribs, and hurried to reveal the painting.

For a moment, he thought it was a mirror. The image before him was so lifelike, he couldn't find a single flaw. "Wow."

"Like it?"

"Duh. I'd love to display my own face on the wall." Magnus pulled him close for a kiss, his light sarcasm little more than something akin to an endearment. When they broke apart, Alec's gaze flitted down the street to his house before returning to his boyfriend. He pretended not to notice. "Let's go back inside. We can binge watch whatever show you like."

"Okay." He replied agreeably, and followed him back into the living room. He waited until Magnus had propped up the painting in his bedroom before sitting. They settled next to each other, fitting together like puzzle pieces. This wasn't as natural as one might think. They both had long limbs and Alec's elbows were classified as dangerous weapons. It had taken months for them to find the best position to sit in.

No sooner had Alec begun his rant on how BBC dared pull Doctor Who from Netflix, Magnus's father threw open the front door and trooped in. He stopped short in the doorway, observed Alec critically for a few moments, then lifted a shoulder. "Not your worst." He decided, and made his way to the kitchen.

"Did I pass the test?" Alec whispered, and although his voice was mild, he pressed his lips together into a thin slash.

"Don't mind him. He's always like that." Magnus soothed. "I'll tell him to go fuck himself later." This didn't have its intended effect.

"Don't!" Alec gasped, scandalized.

"He honestly doesn't care."

"Maybe he does. Just try to be nice."

Oh, Alexander. Always so compassionate. "Well, what do you think of him?"

"Sort of… brusque. You get a lot of your looks from him. He's colder, though, and kind of… um, what's the word? I guess the best one would be hard. Like diamond."

"Fair enough. I'm hotter, though." Most of Magnus's exes had immediately jumped on the hate train when meeting his dad, but Alec seemed reluctant to admit his negative qualities.

"Without a doubt. But you know what? His face softens when he looks at you. He tries to be discreet, but I can tell."

"How do you do that? Just look at someone and know them cold?"

Alec blushed, and Magnus mentally tallied another point in his head. That brought his score up to 73. "I can't. All I do is look at their eyes. Windows to the soul and all that shit."

"But still!" Magnus insisted, tracing his lips with a finger. But Alec's lids fluttered shut, and he seemed to be in a different place altogether.

"I have a bad feeling. Something's going to go wrong soon." He blinked, then bit his lip. "Sorry. But… I'm just worried."

"About?" Magnus let his nails dig into his palm, feeling a prick of pain that reminded him that this was real life.

"I don't know." After this admission, Alexander pressed his lips together, unwilling to elaborate.

Magnus didn't have the heart nor the urgency for information to push him. Instead, he poked him in the side, eliciting a strangled gasp from the other boy.

Alec's elbow flew up automatically and jabbed him in the sternum. Karma was a bitch.

"Ow!" He yelped, flailing away and proceeding to become thoroughly tangled in his boyfriend's limbs.

Alec winced as his left leg was wrenched to the side, but let air hiss through his teeth and recovered gracefully. "Sorry. Please don't dislocate my femur."

"I'm trying!" Magnus cautiously extricated himself from the wreckage and offered him a hand.

He accepted it and was dragged to his feet. "Let's not do that again."

"Oh, I don't know. It was pretty fun."

Alec smacked his arm. "No, it wasn't."

"Your opinion is objectively incorrect." He dodged away to avoid being slapped again. "Abusive much?"

He began to reply, but was cut off by the chime of his phone. He checked the text, and sighed, fingers flying as he tapped out a response. After a few seconds, he chewed the inside of his cheek, obviously torn.

"What's wrong?" Magnus touched his wrist tentatively.

"I'm so sorry. I have to go. It'll only be for about an hour, then I'm all yours, I swear. I owe someone a chat." Alec blinked at him as if expecting to be sentenced.

"Who?"

"It's not important, just a friend that I owe." He forced a tight-lipped smile. "I'll be at Java Jones. See you later."

"Okay. Be careful. You know what it's like out there." Magnus embraced him, reluctant to let go. But far too soon, Alec drew away.

"I'm tough. I'll be fine." He made a little fist for emphasis.

"No doubt." Magnus would probably feel better if his boyfriend was made of iron. But people were breakable, he could attest to that firsthand. Maybe it was time he began to accept it.

Once Alec had gone, he wandered into the kitchen. His father was waiting for him, leaning against the counter with a familiar smirk on his face. The same one that greeted Magnus whenever he looked in the mirror.

"Didn't think you were into the cutesy boys." Asmodeus mused, eyeing him as if he'd threatened to explode. And explode he did.

"Alec's not a cutesy one, nor is he any of your concern, dad!" He snapped, raising his chin as icy anger burned inside of him.

"I'm tired of this routine. You think you love them, and next thing you know you're on the ground and they're gone. You make the most destructive choices—"

"He's different!" Magnus was nearly shouting now. But then, he felt the ghost of Alec's touch on his shoulder. He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

The stare he received in return was one of pure shock. "It is very unlike you to apologize to me. Why start now?"

"Because of Alec! Don't you get it? He's good. Better than most people on this vaguely lousy planet."

"Now that, my son, is typical of you. After the Cruel One comes the Kind One. You're giving yourself time to heal before you drop him."

"I'm not going to drop him. He defended you, you didn't know that, did you? He hardly knows anything about you, but he told me to be nice. So here's me, saying this right now. Please just leave Alec alone."

"This changes the game," Asmodeus muttered, more to himself than to Magnus. "Very well. To me, the boy doesn't even exist."

"I guess that's the best I could've hoped for." With that, he spun around and headed for his room.

No sooner had he flopped on his bed, Magnus's phone blared a rendition of I Wanna Be Sedated by The Ramones.

"Kitty Cat? What's up?" He propped his feet up on his desk and waited for her reply. But what he didn't expect was her hitching sobs that made it almost impossible for her to speak.

"It's R-Ragnor! He's disappeared!" She wailed. And suddenly Magnus couldn't breathe.

"What?" He gasped, horrified.

"He's been g-gone for two days now! Raphael's been sending his best men and women to search for him, but there's no trace of him. And you k-know what that m-means."

"No! He's not dead! It has to be some sort of prank or something!"

"We found his phone in his apartment, along with all other essentials. He's just… gone."

"I…" Magnus could not find the words to express how he felt about the death of his oldest friend.

"I know, Mags. I'm s-so sorry." After a last shaky breath, she hung up.

Magnus was an absolute maelstrom of emotions, yet he didn't know how to express a single one. He felt as though he'd been dropped into the middle of the sea. Why did Ragnor have to die? Why was the world so fucked up?

But then he heard Alec's voice, echoing in his ears. _I have a bad feeling. Something's going to go wrong soon._ Had he known? Magnus had to find out. He was at Java Jones, right?

Magnus scrambled downstairs, gripping his keys in one hand while holding the banister with the other. His father looked up, about to comment, but seeing the frenzied expression on his face, stopped and continued balancing his checkbook.

The drive was a blur. He didn't bother to check the speedometer. As long as he wasn't delayed by the police, he'd go as fast as he could. To find Alec. To find answers.

A bell tinkled as he pushed through the door. Magnus scanned the room. His boyfriend sat across from a girl. He didn't recognize her from behind, although she seemed vaguely familiar. Alexander reached for her hands, clasping them in his own.

She said something else, and his smile became a laugh. His raised his eyebrows quizzically, asking a question of some sort, and she responded. They leaned forward in an act of complete synchronicity and kissed, light and quick.

Alec's eyes flicked up, meeting his own. Their intense blue dragged him in and pulled him under and drowned him, all in a single instant.

He'd been betrayed.

Again.

And

it

hurt

more

than

anything.

Magnus turned, blindly shoving the door open and stumbling out, proceeding to slide into his car and lock the doors. He had to get away. He wouldn't let him see how completely Alec had crushed him. Ripped out his heart and tore it into pieces. They'd all been wrong, friends and family alike. This time, the Kind One was the breaker, not the broken.

The pain of it burned like acid, eating away at him until he was nothing but a boy with a dead friend, a now-ex-boyfriend, and a shattered heart.

* * *

**A/N: Frankly, it's been a nightmare. I've been having problems with my storage as of late, and have lost various parts of this chapter multiple times. But here it is, ladies and gentlemen. Chapter I'm-Too-Lazy-To-Check-And-Honestly-Have-No-Idea. Hopefully you've enjoyed seeing Magnus's POV. And yes, I'm an asshole for breaking up Malec, especially because it's cliche and happens in every single Malec fic ever. Hey, it leaves room for character development, right? In a perfect world, I would promise another chapter soon, but as you guys know, plans don't always translate smoothly from paper. Thanks the the support, and stay awesome ;)**


	21. Chapter 21

So here's the story of how Alexander Lightwood fucked up.

It all began when he received the text from Aline, asking him to join her at Clary and Simon's favorite coffee shop. Apparently, he owed it to her that they met up. It had been a while since they'd really corresponded, but once upon a time they were as close as best friends, so he figured he'd better show.

Usually he'd have no qualms about dropping by to talk to her, but it was Valentine's Day, and he was with Magnus.

"What's wrong? His boyfriend touched his wrist, and he wanted to fall into his embrace so, so badly. Alec was sick and tired of the guilt that wrenched his insides every single day. It was his fault that people were dying. Maybe if he busted Sebastian… but no. He couldn't be wrong. Just a little more time to investigate… see, that's why so many New Yorkers were dead! He needed to get his head out of the clouds, even if that pained him more than he could bear.

"I'm so sorry. I have to go. It'll only be for about an hour, then I'm all yours, I swear. I owe someone a chat." Maybe if Magnus protested, he could take a rain check. Either way, the same guilt that filled him like water in a pail increased twofold.

But he simply raised an eyebrow, expression entirely placid. "Who?"

"It's not important, just a friend that I owe." He shouldn't bog him down with details. It was bad enough that he was ditching him on the one day that you shouldn't ditch your significant other. "I'll be at Java Jones. See you later." The words pushed themselves from his lips, but they didn't ease the weight on his chest. Nevertheless, he put on his brave face. Also known as an obviously strained smile.

"Okay. Be careful. You know what it's like out there." Alec found himself enveloped in Magnus's arms, and he briefly considered staying there forever. Sadly, this was literally impossible. Forever, after all, is a pretty long time. No rest for the weary, as they say. So he pulled back, thinking (illogically) that if he got to Java Jones fast enough, the entire excursion would be significantly shorter as a whole.

"I'm tough. I'll be fine." He brought a fist to about chin-level, and let it drop. This wasn't a very good reassurance, and Magnus knew it too.

"No doubt." He replied, despite the misgivings glowing in his eyes.

Alec couldn't help but think that if he did indeed get attacked, he'd deserve it.

On that note, it was time for coffee.

"You cannot drink that."

He dropped his stir stick in surprise, meeting Aline's accusing gaze with a glare of his own. "What?"

"You forgot the cream. You'd have remembered if you weren't so busy staring into space." She drummed her fingers impatiently.

"I didn't forget. I like it black." He pointedly took a sip, although he wasn't actually sure what point he was trying to prove. That he really did like it? That there was absolutely nothing wrong with altering something that was satisfactory to begin with?

"Whatever, weirdo." They lapsed into silence until she seemed prepared to speak again. "Why don't you keep in touch anymore? It wouldn't hurt just to text me occasionally."

"Sorry. I'm just… busy, y'know?" This, Alec reflected, had to be the worst excuse of all time. Aline's huff of exasperation told him that she was letting him off easy. However, he knew he'd get shit from her later.

"Right. Now, before I tell you anything, you have to know that you're only here because I trust you implicitly."

Alarm bells went off in his brain. "I understand."

"Okay." She fixed him with a long, searching look before continuing. "Remember a few months ago, when Helen and I had that fight? You got her to let me apologize."

"That's not exactly how it happened…" Alec trailed off when it became clear that she wasn't listening.

"I never had the opportunity to thank you for that. So that's what I'm doing right now."

"That's why I'm here?"

"Only partially. Now, there's this thing that I've been realizing in the last few weeks. I suppose it's been a long time coming. I really like Helen. Like, I seriously like her, if you know what I mean."

"Oh." What else was there to say?

"You have a problem with that?"

"No! I mean…" He lowered his voice. "I'd be a hypocrite if I did."

She gasped. "You mean…"

"Me and Magnus, yeah." Alec interrupted, chewing his lip.

"Wow. I mean, I sort of had a feeling, but now that you've confirmed it, it's kind of blindsiding."

"You already had a feeling?"

"Well, loads of people did, but those people didn't care enough to go shouting about it from the rooftops."

"And here I though we were being discreet." Alec rolled his eyes, acting as though this piece of information didn't surprise him.

"You were. But there's this couple-y thing that you do, where you just gravitate towards each other. In the hallways and such." Aline explained.

"Oh." The tiny little word fell from his lips once more.

"So… anyways. I was at this bar…"

"Where'd you get a convincing fake ID? Mine sucks, and I'm looking for a more legit looking one."

"Will you stop interrupting?" She sighed, biting back a small smile.

"My apologies. Continue." He answered with exaggerated impatience.

"Okay. So I was at this bar." After a pause to see if he would cut her off, she continued. "There was this guy there, and he was a serious douchebag. He kept asking me what I was. Evidently, American wasn't a good enough answer."

"Honestly?" Alec couldn't imagine why anyone would have the urge to treat another person that way.

"It stings, but I don't let it bother me much anymore. Some people see me and aren't satisfied until they can mentally label me as an exotic immigrant or something."

"Wow."

"I kept hinting that I wanted him to leave me alone, but he wasn't getting it. Helen had come there with me, and she was in the restroom. When she came out and saw the dude nagging me, she slapped him in the face. The only thing on my mind was that I wanted to kiss her." Aline laughed quietly. "That's that, I guess. This afternoon, I'm asking her out."

"Whoa. That's amazing!" He reached forward and took her hands in his, as though in this way he could show her the true extent of his excitement. "To tell you the truth, I don't doubt that if you take too long, she'll ask you out herself."

Her eyes shone with gratitude. She seemed to need this assurance more than she'd let on. "Thanks. I guess now we come to the reason you're here. Well, actually, I guess it would be the second reason. The first is that you make a good confidant. But I also wanted you to be the last boy I kiss."

"Didn't know you liked me that much." He laughed incredulously.

"Please. You know as well as I do that it'll be completely platonic." Aline rolled her eyes. "I like making things ceremonial, that's all."

"You don't need to remind me. Remember after 8th grade graduation—"

"Shut up." She ordered, then leaned forward. Alec found himself mirroring her movement, and they kissed in a rather stiff fashion.

He heard someone gasp, and turned to see Magnus, standing in front of the entrance. "Are you shitting me?" He breathed, then raised his voice. "Uh, that must have looked bad…" It was clear that his boyfriend wasn't listening.

Alec watched Magnus's expression disintegrate into an ocean of pain and hurt. And he couldn't find a word to say that would justify his actions. Could a simple misunderstanding cause this, or had he done something deeply wrong?

"Fuck, he's leaving. Go on, catch up to him!" Aline hissed, her nails biting into his shoulder.

Right. He jumped out of his seat and raced out the door, hoping to intercept him. However, Magnus's car was already speeding away. "Damn it." Alec returned to their table, clenching and unclenching his fists in distress. "I've got to go."

"I understand. I'm so sorry, it was stupid of me to get you to do that…" Aline ducked her head guiltily.

"You didn't force me to do anything. Neither of us knew he was going to be here, and he's been cheated on before, so he just assumed the worst. Life just sucks sometimes. I'll talk to him. Don't worry. Just ask Helen out, okay?" He forced a tight smile that probably looked more like a grimace. With a deep breath, he relaxed this expression into a soft grin. The mask was on once again.

"Okay. Tell Magnus that I'm sorry. I at least owe him an apology for getting between you guys." She chewed her lip anxiously.

"Will do. I'd better hurry up and leave." He disguised the hollowness in his voice with a facade of breezy nonchalance.

"Thanks. For being a good friend." Her tone revealed that she wasn't buying his bullshit.

With a curt nod, he walked out. Once he was in his car, he pulled out his phone. Now, usually he'd never text and drive, but this was an emergency. He sent a few messages in quick succession, imploring Magnus to let him explain. After the first ten texts, it became clear that he was being ignored.

This was very not good. Alec headed to his boyfriend's house, ringing the doorbell frantically. After several minutes of waiting, the door was answered by Asmodeus.

"I suggest that you vacate the premises. Now." It wasn't a suggestion.

"But I need to talk to him. There was a misunderstanding, and it all happened so fast, and now he's thinks that I…" His hands were trembling now, and he squeezed his eyes shut. Deep breaths. He was absolutely not going to have an attack right now. He swayed on the spot, then straightened with an iron resolve, feeling the ground stop shifting underneath of him.

"Are you alright?" A trickle of concern wormed its way into the man's voice, and he frowned in displeasure, most likely imagining the paperwork he'd have to go through if Alec died of a heart attack on his doorstep.

"I'm sorry. I have panic attacks… and I guess I was freaking out too much. I'm okay now." He managed to keep his words coherent, widening his eyes beseechingly.

"Give my son some space for now." Although this may have seemed harsh, Asmodeus's icy countenance gave way to the tiniest amount of kindness.

Knowing a reprieve when he heard one, Alec nodded and finally stopped digging in his heels. Maintaining composure, he dipped his head politely and backed away.

Only time would tell if this was a mistake.

* * *

**A/N: I'm back! School's almost out! I didn't fail my finals! All is well! Now I'm using too many exclamation marks! Yeah, you get the idea. I'm listening to War of Hearts right now. MALEC FEELZ INCOMING. I dunno what I plan on doing in the immediate future. There are some fics that I need to update, and I may not have time today. But I can't release another chapter of this until I've gotten the Chronicles of Nico and Will taken care of. Which will happen soon, as I'm in the final process of revision for the next chapter. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know what you think, and… as always… STAY AWESOME ;)**


	22. Chapter 22

Magnus didn't return to school for the following week. Alec pasted on a smile and pretended that everything was fine.

"He's probably just sick," He told anyone that inquired about his sudden disappearance. Maybe he was. He had stopped trying to contact him since Tuesday.

Happiness never stuck around for long. Alec understood that now. He'd stop thinking with his heart all the damn time.

The thing was, he knew that it was over. He didn't know what it was, but it had definitely ended. Magnus trusted him, but he didn't. Alec loved him, but he was emotionally distant. Maybe they were dysfunctional. Maybe it wouldn't have lasted even if he hadn't kissed Aline. Maybe…

"Hello? Anyone there?"

"What?"

Jace rolled his eyes and sighed. "Where are you, Spaceman? Certainly not in a high school cafeteria."

"Sorry."

"Y'know, it might not be healthy to be so attached to Glittery Wonder Boy that you can't stand to be apart—"

"We're done." He said it just like that, as though making an inane observation about the weather.

"Come again?" Izzy's voice was shrill in disbelief. Clary and Simon exchanged a wide-eyed glance.

"Me and Magnus are not an item." He reiterated, and stood up. "I'm walking home."

"Then I'm coming with you." Jace copied him.

"No, you're not." Fuck no. He wasn't going to cry. He was hollow. Nothing but a superficial ice sculpture.

"Like hell if you're gonna stop me. Iz, call the principal. You know what to do. The whole early dismissal spiel in Mom's voice."

"I'm sorry." Simon's voice rang out as they turned to leave. Alec stopped out of sheer surprise. "I don't know what happened with you and Magnus. I thought you guys were solid. But for what it's worth, I'm sorry."

"No need. It's not your fault." He answered robotically. Hollow boy. Boy of ice.

"You think it's yours." Clary realized softly.

"Because it is." And he walked away, leaving Jace to catch up.

"Why didn't you say anything? It's fucking Friday, and I'll eat my ass if it didn't happen on Valentine's Day."

"It just now dawned on me, I guess. It takes a few days to realize that your ex has washed their hands of you."

"But what happened?!" Jace pressed.

Alec stepped over a crack in the sidewalk. "We'd been crumbling for a while, I think. We just couldn't see it until the whole thing collapsed."

"That's not an answer."

"What'll happen to my life, best case scenario? I make it into Idris, I graduate, get a great job that pays well, have people in my life that I love, get a family of my own, get older and older, have bad experiences and good experiences but more good than bad, and then eventually I'll die. That's it, game over, and it's predictable as fuck. On the other hand, I could get shot in the next ten minutes. Where I am right now, I don't care either way. I'm tired, Jace, I'm just tired."

Jace's eyes grew sad. "Then go to sleep. And when you wake up things will be better."

"I already am asleep. And I'm not healing." Alec missed a step and nearly tripped. Something inside of him burst. "Shit! I just hate myself so much! I can never be who I want to be because as long as I'm around I drag the people who surround me down."

"You aren't dragging me down."

"Look at yourself. You're walking your mess of a brother home instead of eating lunch with your girlfriend."

"Gods, Alec, don't be so fucking melodramatic all the time."

"At least you think you know what I am. I don't have a single damn clue. I'm going to try and talk to Magnus."

"Absolutely not. In this state, you're not going anywhere but home."

"Fine. I can go the rest of the way by myself. You won't even miss class if you turn around now."

"Look me in the eye and tell me that you won't do it."

"Do what?"

"Don't play dumb, you know what I'm talking about."

"I won't."

"…"

"Honestly."

"Okay. Okay." Jace took a deep breath, gave him one last long, searching look, and began walking in the direction from whence they came.

Alec allowed his breath to hitch only once. Then he was asleep again. Hollow. Ice.

He was going to do it, even if it meant that Jace would kill him. That is, if he didn't do the deed himself. Because he was going to try and talk to Magnus and see if there was something between them worth salvaging.

First he went home. He rummaged through the topmost drawer in his desk, fingers closing around the pendant that Camille had given him.

"Amor verus numquam moritur." Alec whispered to himself, clenching in his fist. He walked back outside, crossed the road, and knocked on Magnus's door. Fuck doorbells, anyway. He waited. After a few minutes, he decided that he'd been standing there for long enough and moved to leave.

"I thought you'd given up." Magnus's voice set his skin on fire. He tensed and turned to face him.

"So did I." Alec admitted, then held out the pendant. His ex(?) stiffened at the sight of it. "Camille gave this to me, all the way back when "Honestly" was our always. She thought that we loved each other then, and so did I. Now, you never ceased to argue with me on this point, but please, for the sake of what we had, let me speak. I don't deserve you. But you don't get to act like I have to be pure and untouched by the ghosts of your past, like it'll suddenly make me disloyal or disposable like the others before me."

"It did, though. You and that girl—" Magnus snapped.

"She's one of my best friends! Maybe what I did was wrong. I wasn't there for her for a long time and I tried to redeem myself with worthless apologies and she needed her feelings to be validated, because she was in love with her friend. Her female friend, Mags." The words spilled out of him. "The way you left me to rip myself up over it for a fucking week was wrong, too. You didn't even respect me enough to let me defend my actions, because you thought that you'd heard it all before, that I was just an echo of all the liars and cheaters you used to know. In those moments, you don't even see me. I'm not even there. And I don't want that stigma." Alec let out a rueful sigh. "I've been bottling this shit up for too long. It's been twisting me apart."

Magnus was silent for a long time. "You're right. You're absolutely right, and I'm more sorry than I can say. But you, Alexander, have been hiding some secrets of your own for ages. And they aren't harmless. You have a connection with the killings, don't you?"

"It's just Jordan." Alec's expression was calm. Too calm, and he knew it would give him away.

"See, you're lying to me." Magnus accused, not quite angry enough to be angry.

"That's just because I don't know the truth." He thought that he had been tired before, but now waves of exhaustion nearly knocked him off his feet.

"We need a break. To get our shit together. I'm not letting go. I'm just putting us on pause. It's…"

"…not you, it's me." Alec completed for him, growing cold. What a cliché. "I guess that's that then. I'll just hold my fucking horses and take five. I'd leave, but I love you more than I should."

"You're right." Magnus's shoulders drooped. This show of defeat only irritated Alec more. The Magnus Bane he knew would never just stand there and take his shit.

"Is that the only the only thing you can say?" His words were acid.

"At least I'm telling the truth."

The pain these words inflicted was a relief, and he accepted them almost eagerly. "I'll be there when you're ready."

"When I'm ready." Magnus repeated shakily, probably realizing that he sounded like an asshole. "I had found out that Ragnor had gone missing. That's why I went to Java Jones. My friend is dead."

The dams broke. They watched each other cry for a long moment. And Alec rushed forward and kissed him, hello and goodbye and everything in between.

Nothing else needed to be said. It was all out in the open. Not quite filling the rift that had split them apart, but not driving them further away, either.

Alec turned and left. Magnus closed the door.

And even though they both hurt, they didn't hurt as much as they did.

It wasn't until he got home that Alec noticed that he'd been squeezing the pendant so tightly, it had left an imprint of itself on his palm.

* * *

"You did it, didn't you?" Jace yelled the moment he arrived. "Oh my gods, Alec, I can't believe you."

"How the tables have turned," Alec laughed dryly, appearing at the top of the stairs.

"Are you okay? What happened? Why did you break up? What are you going to do?" Isabelle bombarded him with questions.

"Yes. Not important. Many reasons. Keep existing." He answered, ticking the replies off on his fingers. Seeing his sister's glare prompted him to elaborate. "Magnus and I are taking a break. It's mutual. We both have to work out some stuff, and we can't do it together."

"You can't just take a break! You either care about each other or you don't!" Jace exclaimed, as though Alec had a few screws loose. That was fair enough.

"Not everything's that simple. Don't you see? We're moving apart to stay together."

"As long as you're happy," Izzy bit her lip and searched his face for some sort of cue.

"This goes deeper than happiness. It's more like… we're holding onto the hope of happiness to come. Y'know, the darkest hour is before dawn or something. Gods, I don't know. I feel better, now, at any rate. Like I have a tiny semblance of control."

"That doesn't sound healthy." Jace raised an eyebrow.

"You don't sound healthy," Alec retorted childishly, then changed the subject. "Max wanted to hang out with Simon after school today, didn't he? I'll take him."

"But I was going to—" Izzy broke off when Alec and Jace exchanged an amused glance. "What? Why are you bozos smirking like that?"

"I don't think Max wants to play Overwatch while you and Lewis roleplay in his bedroom."

"I…" Her cheeks bloomed red. "How did you…?"

"We're not deaf—" Jace snickered.

"—Nor blind." Alec sighed exasperatedly. "Plus, Max ratted you out. Last week Simon was supposed play the Outlast 2 demo with him, but since you were there, plans changed. Guess who had to listen to his rant?"

"Um… sorry…" It was so rare for her to be caught off guard in such a way, Jace and Alec couldn't help but dissolve into giggles.

"Here." Alec tossed the pendant in her direction. Her hand snapped out and snatched it out of the air automatically.

"What? Where did you get this?" She traced a finger across the inscription.

"It doesn't matter. But I think that it's in safe hands now. The history behind it agrees." Palming his car keys, he cast a final backwards glance. "If it glows or something… uh, danger's near. I think. Maybe. Oh, that's Max's bus. See you guys later."

"I think he's slightly insane." Jace murmured to Izzy.

"Yeah, but this jewel is gorgeous."

* * *

**A/N: You can thank 20058 for this chapter. 20058, please don't launch me from an onager. I have fulfilled your demands. Due to summer being a thing, I'll try to have the next chapter out before the 30th. Key word: Try. Sorry. But aaaaaanyways, let me know what you think, thanks for reading, and as always, stay awesome ;)**


	23. Chapter 23

"…And he looks over at him and asks for his check," Simon finished, leaving the rest of them to snicker at the punch line.

Alec and Magnus locked gazes, smiles fading slightly. It was slightly awkward to behave as friends for the time, but it was better than avoiding each other entirely. Besides, they shared the same friend group.

Speaking of… they didn't look completely comfortable themselves. Izzy and Jace's grins were slightly strained, and Clary was too cheerful, as if she could neutralize their lack of enthusiasm with an excess of her own. Simon chattered incessantly, but did so even more than usual. Their relationship drama had put stress on the entire crew.

Alec had more to worry about. Sebastian… he needed proof… something to condemn him. Which meant either shadowing him himself, or acquiring some assistance.

Luckily, he had some connections. Helen's brother, Mark, had assembled a team of sorts, involving himself, his brothers Julian and Ty, his sister Livvy, Emma Carstairs, and Cristina Rosales. At least, that had been what Alec thought. Apparently they needed a full blown Avengers team to get anything done.

"Oh, and Perfect Diego, I guess. Um… Kieran might also get involved. Oh, and Johnny Rook is good for information. Although I guess you don't care. Sorry." Mark brought his rambling to an end.

Upon hearing the last name, Alec hurriedly glanced around the bus. "Rook? You mean you've actually worked with him? I heard he charges an arm and a leg for his services."

"He has a soft spot for Emma. And how do you even know about—?"

"Long story. Let's just say I know my way around the streets to a greater extent than you'd think."

"Anyways, Emma's parents are detectives for the FBI, and they were injured while working on this case. She's got a hankering for revenge, if you know what I mean. We can check on Verlac, and probably Morgernstern while we're at it."

"That would be awesome. Thanks a million. And be careful."

"Careful is my middle name," Mark grinned. "Oh, and can I have your number? I'll let you know what we dig up."

"Here." Alec accepted his phone and entered himself in as a contact. "I really owe you one."

"Nah, I'm just repaying a debt. For services rendered. Helen's got herself a girlfriend." Mark laughed, still slightly incredulous.

Alec grinned back, eyes wandering over to where Magnus was sitting with Izzy. His sort-of-ish boyfriend had turned to watch him, and was raising an eyebrow.

"I'll explain later," He mouthed, and with a swift nod he shifted to face forward once more.

"Sorry, didn't catch that," Mark jolted him back into to present.

"Oh, it wasn't important. Just trying to sort my thoughts out."

"I'm not surprised. You've got a whole universe in that head of yours, don't you?"

"You could put it that way." Alec laughed softly, pitching forward slightly as the bus driver slammed the brakes. "Thanks again."

"My cup runneth over, due to your excessive gratitude." Mark teased lightly.

"Okay, I get it, I'll stop," Alec sighed with mock reluctance, and the other boy chuckled.

"I'll try to update you by the end of the school week. See you around." With that, they left the bus stop, heading their separate ways.

He let out a long breath and stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. Footsteps rang out behind him and he didn't need to turn to know that it was Magnus. Without turning, he spoke. "I don't want you to get hurt."

"I know. But I don't want you to get hurt either. It's not fair that you get to protect me, but I can't protect you." His hand rested on his shoulder, rooting him to reality.

"You have to trust that I can fight for myself. That I know what I'm doing."

"I'm allowed to worry," Magnus protested. "One of my best friends was killed. I can't just close my eyes when you're in harm's way."

"I'm always in harm's way. And so are you. And everyone everywhere. No one's ever entirely safe." Alec said softly.

"Then why even bother to try and protect me?"

"I don't want you to be collateral damage in the wake of my mistakes."

"It's far too late for that." A small smirk curled Magnus's lips. "I gave you my heart. So if you go down, I'm coming with you."

"Give me one week. One week and no more secrets." Alec paused, narrowing his eyes. "Although you already seem to know quite a bit."

"Your poker face needs some work, Blue." He confessed gleefully, and Alec leaned over to bump their shoulders. This brought their faces closer together than he'd intended, and they both froze. Magnus's breath was warm on his cheek, and for a moment it was like there were magnets in their chests, tugging them together.

"We shouldn't." The words tumbled from his mouth, rife with regret.

"I'll put that on your tab, then." With a cocky wink, Magnus tapped Alec's lips with his index finger.

His cheeks bloomed with color, and with a sudden rush of confidence, he lurched forward and placed a ghost of a kiss on the side of his mouth, not quite ready to approach full on. "No need."

It took a moment for Magnus to find his voice. "Is that how you're playing the game? Are we just going to pretend that taking a break was more of a suggestion than a guideline?"

"Let's not call it a break. Let's call it some space."

"I second that notion. It's like letting a room air out instead of blowing up the whole building with dynamite."

"…"

"What? I happen to think that it was an apt simile." Magnus sniffed, acting affronted.

"You are very, very strange." Alec's smile bled into his voice.

"Says the one who's been standing in the middle of the sidewalk with me for, like, five minutes."

"Touché." He conceded with an inclination of the head. "See you around?"

"It depends on where quote unquote around is."

"Don't be a smart ass," Alec called over his shoulder, having already begun to walk away. Magnus laughed unapologetically.

"Anything for you, Dearest!"

There was nothing to say to that, so he just kept going, biting the inside of his cheek to keep a hysterical bout of laughter from slipping out.

"You guys just couldn't keep your hands to yourselves," Jace accused the moment he stepped into the house.

"Shut up." Alec shot back, glaring daggers at him.

Jace hesitated, considering his words. "So you actually—"

"No! We're not completely back together. We just…" There was no good way to put it.

His brother let out a groan. "You're friends with benefits, aren't you? Jesus Christ, Alec."

"Just leave it alone." He snapped. "It's not like that. As long as we know where we stand, it doesn't concern you."

"It concerns us when you're moping your ass off." Isabelle pointed out smoothly, seemingly appearing out of thin air.

"Well, I'm not," He replied obstinately. The siblings stared at each other for several seconds before dissolving into snickers. The tension filling the room deflated.

"Whatever." Jace whipped out his phone and began to text rapidly, while Izzy slid off the counter and grabbed her laptop.

Alec sighed, debating whether it was worth skipping homework. Yeah, no. Damn his tendencies to hell.

The week passed. Life went on. He and Magnus hung around each other in their new, tentative way. Their friends supported the relationship, as strange as it now was, because it was clear that they were mending, becoming what they used to be. His family was suffocatingly normal, due in no small part to his parents. Although their attempts were valiant, they were failing to connect with their children emotionally.

Alec needed something to do so desperately, it was an utter relief to receive the call from Mark. Even though what he had to report wasn't reassuring in the least. Ever since he'd met Magnus, that need adventure seemed to resonate within his very bones.

"Can you meet me at Central Park this evening? I've got some news, and it won't do anyone any good to have it overheard."

It was time to make good on some promises.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the wait. For me, school orientation is today. Happy happy joy joy. It is most certainly not the cause of my sudden regret for everything I've ever done in my life. I kid, I kid. But do I really? Hope you guys have a most excellent week, and thank you a billion times for reading. Cross your fingers that you'll hear from me again soon, because the last thing any of us need is a six month long hiatus. By the way, to those of you who recall my apparent death from December to June, I'm still sorry about that. Aaaaaanywaysssss, here's a cookie (::). As always, stay awesome ;)**


	24. Chapter 24

"You were right about his involvement. He's been working with the Princes."

"What?"

"The Princes of Hell, y'know, that gang that the coppers had trouble with a few years ago? They're building up something big. Those killings? Just the beginning."

"Definitely not good. And we can't tell the police… it could endanger the Night Children."

"So we've got to take care of them ourselves." Mark completed, a frown creasing his brow. "Of all the risky things—"

"I know, I know. There's no right thing to do, but it's our best bet. If we have to, we could convince Raphael to temporarily relocate his people, but I doubt it. He's probably out for blood, after what happened to Ragnor—"

"Ragnor?"

"He lost a friend," Alec explained simply.

"So we stand up and fight."

"Exactly. And what of Morgernstern?"

"To our knowledge, he works under Verlac."

"Shit. Okay, I'll see what I can do with Raphael, and notify you once I find out more."

"Thanks. Um… when do you think we'll end it? Once and for all?"

"Not too soon, but we can't let anyone else get attacked. Spring break seems to be the best option, but it's too early to know for sure."

"Right. Well, talk to you later." Mark rose from the bench, grabbing his keys.

"See ya." Alec stared into the distance grimly. What he'd have to do things that he couldn't bring himself to do. And when had he become a ringleader to a group of vigilantes? After a few minutes, he realized that it was getting dark.

"Time to go home." He told himself, the sound of his own voice dragging him back out of his mind. The sun was falling, and a sense of foreboding washed over him.

Alec heard footsteps crunch in the grass behind him and whipped around. Before he could see who it was, he was backhanded so hard that his ears began to ring. With a gasp, he regained his balance and brought his fists up to protect his face.

His attacker was wearing a black handkerchief, which obscured half of his face, but Alec could see enough to know that it was Val Morgernstern. "I think it's curtains for a certain Lightwood," he snarled, kicking him in the gut.

Alec doubled over, seeing the pistol at his side. There was no way of winning this fight. He dropped to his knees and let out a cry of pain, exaggerating as much as he dared. Then, he brought a hand up to his chest and sucked in a sharp breath. Val wasn't the brightest bulb in the box, but surely he could put one and one together. Alec had a history of missing school due to medical reasons, and here he was, seemingly having an episode of some sort.

"Please…" He pleaded in vain, voice cracking as he struggled to his feet. Morgernstern brought back a foot, most likely to kick him back down, but he fell over again of his own accord, landing awkwardly on his ankle in the process. The hiss of agony wasn't faked this time, and he clenched his jaw until the worst of it had faded into a dull throb.

"Someone's got a heart condition?" The surprised delight in the other's voice made Alec's spine crawl. "Go on, then. Maybe I won't even need to waste a bullet."

"Go to hell," He spat, as though his words were venomous barbs.

"What would this be? A sudden cardiac death? Never seen one of those before."

"The only way you'll kill me is with your own hands, so if you think for one second that—" With a shuddering gasp, Alec broke off and fell onto his side. Praying to every deity he knew, he stayed limp and took in small, silent breaths.

A foot prodded his side, then stepped on his sprained ankle. It took every ounce of willpower for him not to cry out. With a chuckle, Val backed off. Alec waited until the footsteps were long gone before sitting up to assess the damage.

"I am impossibly lucky." He told himself aloud, not quite believing that he'd managed to live through the confrontation. "Holy shit."

There was no way he could go home like this. If Lady Luck was indeed on his side, his ankle would be sprained but not broken. But the details didn't matter at the time being, because the fact was that he couldn't walk. His left eye was definitely going to bruise up, and he didn't doubt that the next day he'd wake up to sore ribs.

Alec fumbled with his phone, hesitating for only a single heartbeat before calling Magnus. After several seconds of listening to his own ragged breathing, his boyfriend picked up.

"Blue?"

"Mags, I need help. I'm in Central Park."

"What happened? Are you safe?"

"I…" The reassurance stuck in his throat. He couldn't bring himself to lie.

"Which entrance are you at?" Magnus pressed with increased urgency.

"The one near Columbus Circle. You don't need to rush. Drive safely."

"You literally just told me that you weren't safe!"

"I didn't say that I was in danger, either. Have you already forgotten what I said to you on Monday?"

"Yeah, I know, no one's ever entirely safe. But just once can you be direct and to the point?" His voice was strained with worry.

Alec considered the blood dripping from his split lip and eyed his left ankle thoughtfully. "Yeah, I'm probably not really safe."

"Should I stay in the call with you?" In the background, he could hear Magnus put on his seatbelt with a loud click.

"I don't want to distract you."

"Again, a yes or no answer."

"No."

"Really?"

"Magnus, I'm fine. Just come get me."

"Okay, alright, I'm passing the American Museum of Natural History right now. Go to the… was it the Lush that was in the center of the Circle? I'll pick you up there."

Alec glanced at his ankle dubiously once more. "Um… maybe the USS Maine Monument? I think I can walk over there."

"What do you mean, you think you can walk?" Magnus shouted. "Alexander Lightwood, I swear to Lilith, if you're lying in a pool of your own blood somewhere, missing a fucking leg—"

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm fine."

Magnus let out an angry sound that could not quite be described in words. "I'll be at the monument in ten minutes if traffic doesn't fuck me up the ass. If you're not there, I will freak out, and you do not want to know what it looks like when I really freak out."

Alec might've been getting a bit delirious, because he giggled a bit at the threat that may or may not have been empty. "Okay. Bye."

"Oh my G—" He hung up before his boyfriend could yell some more. How was he going to do this? Alec pushed himself to his feet, wincing as a bolt of pain shot up his left leg. He limped forward one step, then sucked in a breath through his teeth.

"Shit." It was a little less than tolerable, but his dignity was on the line and he was definitely was not going to drag himself a good 40 yards or so. Daunted by the seemingly simple task for anyone with the capability to use their feet, he clenched his jaw and hobbled towards the monument.

It seemed to take years, although in reality it may have been just enough time to get there before Magnus. Alec slid down the wall, splaying out his legs in front of him and gasping from exhaustion. Ow, ow and more ow. His eyes closed, and he let his head droop as familiar footsteps headed towards him, almost in sync with his heartbeat.

"Alec!" Hands lifted his chin, caressing his jaw. "Fuck, what happened?"

It was almost as if purely being in Magnus's proximity lent him strength. He blinked at him, a steely resolve turning his insides to iron. "I'll explain later. We have to get out of here."

"Okay, alright, shit, um—" Magnus fluttered uncertainly, and Alec took initiate and used his shoulder to balance his weight. Together they made their way to his car, not unlike two people in some sort of relay. It wasn't until Alec was safely buckled up that Magnus spoke again. "Where are you hurt?"

"It's just my ankle."

"Bullshit. Half your face is black and blue."

"Again, we should get as far away from here as possible before I elaborate." He reached out and placed his palm on his boyfriend's cheek. The crease in Magnus's brow vanished as his expression softened, and he leaned forward to kiss him lightly. When he drew back, Alec could see a small smear of blood on his lips. He didn't seem to notice, and his eyes flicked back to the road as the light slowly faded from the sky.

"You're gonna kill me one day, you know that, right? I haven't been that scared in a long time." A small smile broke out on his face.

"I'm sorry. I won't leave you out of the loop anymore. We're in this together."

"Whatever this is." Although his gaze was still focused ahead of them, Alec felt as though he were watching him out of the corner of his eye.

"Whatever this is." He agreed.

"Glad we collectively know fuck all, then."

Alec had nothing else to say, so he went silent and watched as people walked by on the sidewalk. After a few minutes, Magnus sighed loudly.

"You want to go home?"

"There's no way in hell my parents or siblings can see me right now… they'll freak the fuck out."

"Glad you care about _their_ feelings, at least."

Alec bit the inside of his cheek at the other's dry remark. "I'm sorry for bothering you. At the moment… you were the only one I could think of."

"You do know that I love you, right? A lot."

"Sometimes I doubt… not you, never you… but myself."

Magnus stayed silent but shot him a look that made his feel warm, all the way down to his toes. "It's okay. I doubt myself too. Don't let it get to you where it matters, though." He raised a hand to tap the spot right above his heart. "Here's what we'll do. Call up Isabelle or Blondie and tell them to tell your parents that you'll be with some friends or something. I'll take you to Cat's place to make sure that you're really as fine as you insist."

"Does she live near Tessa, Will, and Jem?"

"A bit closer to us, but still a little far for frequent friendly visits. She makes a brilliant nurse, so it'll be no problem to fix you up."

"I don't want to be a burden…"

"She's one of my best friends, and she certainly won't mind. Well, she might, but it's all for show. She loves me, and therefore she has to love you."

"I'm not sure it that's how it works."

"Of course it is, darling." Magnus flashed him a winning smile.

Alec tried. He really did. But a tiny, stupid giggle escaped him and that was all it took for both of them to fly into hysterics. "That wasn't even funny!" He managed.

"This is so stupid!" Magnus answered, the grin dissolving as another though occurred to him. "So are you going to tell me how you got the shit beat out of you now?"

"Well… it kind of started when I went to Mark because he could help me with the whole mass homicide situation..."

* * *

**A/N: School is destroying my soul. Updates will be infrequent, and I apologize for all of you guys for having to deal with my shit. Thanks for sticking with me, at any rate. Comments mean a lot, so feel free to let me know what you think. This chapter had been in my head ever since I started writing Lost and Found (more or less), and one and a half years later here it is. It's hard to believe, that I started in early 2015. Things have changed for me… friends, hobbies, fandoms. However, rest assured, I don't abandon fics… I know how it feels to be reading something really good and then realize that it's incomplete and hasn't been touched for three years. And that feeling reeeeaaaaalllllyyyy sucks. Much love to you, my dudes, and as always… stay awesome ;)**


	25. Chapter 25

"Get him inside." Cat sighed, holding the door open wider to admit them. Magnus bore Alec's weight and they finally dropped onto her couch with identical exhales of relief. "What happened?"

"He tripped," Magnus said dryly, while Alec rolled his eyes.

"I got the shit beat out of me."

"No kidding. Come with me." She beckoned to him, and Magnus moved to follow. She shot him a warning glance, and he awkwardly stepped back, grabbing her remote and acting as though he'd only ever intended to watch T.V.

"Why can't he—?" Alec began curiously, and she laughed lightly.

"I think you know why."

"Yeah, I do." He met her eyes, and their deep blue unsettlingly mirrored his own. Suddenly, she was watching his carefully, almost as if he'd become a stranger.

"He's loved a lot of people. I understand that you know this." Catarina turned the shut the bathroom door. "Take off your shirt. I need to make sure that your ribs aren't cracked."

"But they—"

"Who's the medical professional here?"

Alec decided not to argue.

"Ever since he met you, all he ever talks about is Alexander, Alexander, Alexander." She imitated his voice mockingly, a teasing smirk curling her lips. "Alec is so gorgeous, Alec is so kind, Alec is the one, Alec cheated on me, Alec didn't actually cheat on me, Alec is such a great boyfriend—"

"Um, I—" He stammered as she gently checked his ribs for any swelling.

"Does it hurt when you breathe?"

"No." Alec finally accepted the double-sided conversation that was occurring and went along with it. "Does he really?"

"He has this thing where he overthinks shit and freaks out. He's always asking me and… Ragnor for advice." Her voice faltered, then steeled. She moved onto examining his ankle, using her hair as a curtain to hide her expression. "Try to m-move it."

"Catarina, I'm so sorry. Should I get Magnus?"

"No. It's best to keep it off his mind, or he'll start tearing himself up inside."

"I know, but your feelings are important too. If you guys are going to cope, do it together." Alec murmured.

"Shame you're already taken. Seems like Magnus was right when he gushed ceaselessly about how sweet you are." She flashed him a weak smile. "I'll talk to him about it soon. For now, I just need you to move that ankle of yours if you can."

He complied, wordlessly rotating it as well as he could and wincing when he reached his limitations.

"Minor sprain. I've got some crutches you can borrow somewhere around here. Stay off of it for a week, maybe less depending on if you're a fast healer. Any other areas of concern?"

"Nope. Will I live, Nurse?" Alec joked lamely, but Cat seemed to appreciate his miserable attempt at lightening the mood.

"I'm sorry, but you won't make it." She whispered gravely, wetting a clean cloth to wipe the blood off of his face.

"Aw shit."

When they reemerged, both snickering like they were in on a joke no one else knew, Magnus raised an eyebrow. "Are you okay, Blue?"

"Just dandy." He stumbled after misstepping onto his bad ankle and practically landed in his lap. Magnus lowered his head and kissed him like there was no tomorrow.

"Dude." Cat deadpanned. Alec pulled away, blushing and properly chastened. Magnus, however, was having none of it. He persistently connected their lips and Alec was once again slave to the magnetic pull known as Magnus Bane. "Seriously! Lightwood, here's the crutches."

Alec gently put a hand on Magnus's chest, separating them effectively. "Sorry. Thank you so much."

"You guys are so gross." Although the words might've been misconstrued as rude (to be fair, it would've been called for, considering that they were nearly making out in her presence), her eyes twinkled with humor.

"At least we didn't—" Magnus began, but Alec cut him off, sorry to have to circle back around to a more serious topic.

"Actually, there was one thing I needed to ask the two of you. Where could I find Raphael? In theory?"

"What do you need with the Night Children?" Okay, maybe he should've explained more when they were in the car, but he hadn't wanted to drop too much on his boyfriend all at once.

"We need to know what Raphael plans to do once he's told about the Princes."

"The Princes of Hell? What do they have to do with anything?" Catarina asked, while Magnus toyed with the hem of Alec's shirt anxiously.

"They're the ones behind the murders. They're planning something bigger than what anyone could've guessed. We need to stop them, but alerting law enforcement could put the Night Children at risk."

"He's not going to disband them, not after Ragnor." Cat predicted forebodingly.

"But we could try to reason with him, at the very least."

"I can take you to see him tomorrow morning," Magnus suggested. Alec checked the time on his phone.

"It's already one in the morning. What—?"

"If you need to, you can share the couch for tonight. I've got some spare blankets you could use." Cat suggested.

"Are you sure that's okay? I don't want to impose—" Alec began, but she shook her head to silence him.

"I'm the one who offered, alright? No need to make it a bigger deal than it is. I'll go get the blankets."

The moment she'd departed, Magnus chuckled. "You can't even deny now that she absolutely adores you. What was that giggling about earlier, anyways?"

"We were planning a trip to Yugoslavia."

"Aw, honey, but weren't we going to the Czech Republic for Spring Break?"

"Technically, Czechia is now officially the conventional short-form name for the country." Alec corrected instinctively, while Magnus made a face at him.

"Shut up."

"Wow, Maggie, you've got your own encyclopedia." Cat smirked as she reentered and dumped an assortment of afghans and fleeces onto the coffee table.

"You're just jealous that he's even nerdier than you."

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Is not."

Alec clamped a hand over Magnus's mouth. "He concedes the point."

He made an indignant sound but didn't force Alec off of him.

"Alright. Don't wake me up. Sweet dreams." She swept a strand of silvery hair out of her face and left the room.

They shared a glance. "Absolutely not." Alec abruptly shifted away to grab the blankets.

"I didn't say—"

"You wanted to. I need my sleep or I'll be a complete asshole tomorrow."

"Now you've got me curious." Magnus tugged off his boots and left them near his jacket.

"Goodnight," He singsonged pointedly, flicking off the light. They nestled up beside each other on the couch, draped in several layers to combat the chill that still lingered even indoors. There wasn't much room and they were both tall enough that their feet hung off the end, but it wasn't uncomfortable. After several seconds, Alec felt him boyfriend wrap his arms around him and pull him closer to his chest. "Magnus?"

"Why so tense, hmm?" Hands slipped under his sweatshirt and began to rub his shoulders, sending shivers down his spine. "You're trembling."

"It's cold," He defended, perhaps a bit too vehemently.

"Then I'll keep you warm." Magnus replied softly, exhaling a little huff of laughter as Alec finally accepted the embrace and curled into his side.

Another minute or two of quiet breathing, the silence was broken again. "When we talked about space…"

"We don't need space anymore. I think we really needed to see how we really felt before hitting the play button on our relationship. Today gave us that opportunity. I love you." Magnus whispered.

Alec didn't even hesitate. "I love you too."

They fell asleep like that, pressed against each other in a bundle of comforters and coverlets.

* * *

_He was standing on a beach, the wind buffeting at his body so harshly that it was almost impossible to stand. He'd never seen this place before, and yet it was strangely familiar. The waves crashed violently over his bare feet, chilling him to the bone, and he noticed that the sand was black. Upon further inspection, it appeared to be made of tiny shards of glass. The moment the realization hit him, he stumbled away as though it wasn't already too late to keep his soles unscathed._

_But unscathed they were. He stared around in incredulity. The sky was an odd shade of gray, and the red water contrasted sharply with the monochrome landscape. There was a terrifying beauty to it, and for a moment Alec wished he could paint it. Stupid. He was always thinking about silly things in the wrong time and place._

_Something tugged him towards the ocean, something monstrous. He could feel it in his legs, his arms, his chest. But opposite of it, parallel to the shore, was an endless abyss. There was nowhere to turn._

_"Alexander!" Magnus had appeared on the other side. A gaping crack in the very earth itself separated them._

_He wanted to call out, but his voice was gone._

_"You've got to jump."_

I'll fall_. The words turned to dust in his mouth._

_"I won't let you. You just need to trust me." Although he was several dozen yards away, he could hear his voice clear as day._

_Alec let out a shuddering breath, and began to run. Glass crunched beneath his feet but he felt no pain. Closer, closer, and he leapt, fully expecting to plummet to his death. But he simply hovered in the air, like a lingering spirit._

_Still breathing. Still alive._

_He blinked, and he was on solid ground beside Magnus, who was gazing at the ocean warily. His stillness was unsettling. "It wants to swallow you whole. But it won't touch you when I'm here."_

_The waves roared in response. _I'm afraid_, Alec wanted to say. But maybe he didn't. Maybe he was glad that he couldn't speak. Because he knew he wouldn't have admitted it if anyone could hear him._

_"So am I. It wants me too. But you keep it at bay. Everyone needs a candle to light the dark. You're mine, I'm yours."_

_It occurred to him in that moment. _You aren't real_. _None of this is_._

_"Just because it's a dream doesn't mean it's not real."_

Hasn't Dumbledore said something like that before?

_Fake Magnus smiled, suddenly becoming more human and less like an untouchable statue. "So? Why change what's already good?"_

To make it better.

_"Exactly." Satisfied, the part of his conscience that wore the face of his boyfriend turned his attention back to the monster._

What now?

_"Stay with me until you're ready to wake up. Time is fluid here. You have as much as you'll ever need."_

I just want to sleep.

_"Oh, Alexander, you already are."_

I know. But I'm not at rest.

_"Then I'll help." Magnus rested the heel of his hand on Alec's forehead. Everything began to dim. The sound of the ocean became muffled, and he started to feel as though he were drifting apart from his body. Somewhere outside his consciousness, he heard the other speak one last time. "Don't let it devour you." Then, he tumbled head over heels into oblivion._

* * *

"Wake up, Blue." A voice crooned into his left ear.

"Ughhhhhhh." Alec cracked one eye open, then the other, blinking the sleep from his gaze. He and Magnus were a tangle of limbs and blankets, and his head had been lolling at a slightly awkward angle, causing him to wince as he rolled the kinks out of his neck.

"Are you capable of coherent speech yet?"

"Shut the fuck up. It's seven in the morning, are you kidding me?"

"Guess that's a no." Magnus chortled, sitting up and allowing the sheets to pool around his waist. "A few hours ago you were talking in your sleep a bit. It was pretty adorable."

"I don't even remember what I was dreaming about. What did I say?" He lied, a convenient yawn masking his sudden nervousness with a facade of nonchalance.

"You said something about someone not being real, and that none of it was. That's basically it."

"Oh. That's weird." He quickly concealed his relief and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"What was that for?" Magnus asked, pleasantly surprised by a gesture of affection so early in the day.

"What do you think it was for? I was expressing my absolute hatred towards you."

"Oh my days, you're just so hilarious. Without you, my life would be a void of humorlessness."

"Damn straight."

"Damn gay, actually."

"Wow. Now I've gotta relinquish my crown as the funniest guy to walk the Earth. You've got me beat by a mile. Really pulled out all the stops for that one."

"Oh, Darling, you're making me blush." Magnus chucked. Alec wordlessly laid down shut his eyes as if attempting to fall back asleep. "I'll hit the CVS and buy us some shit."

"What?"

"Like, cheap ass toothbrushes and the like. Unless you want us to drive all the way back to Institute before meeting up with Raphael, that is."

"Okay."

"Cat's still in bed, so you can continue to be a lazybones."

"I'm not even tired anymore because of you!" Alec complained dramatically, pushing himself into a sitting position before attempting to stand. He'd forgotten that his ankle was sprained, and the moment he placed weight on it he fell back onto the couch with a yelp. "Ow! fuck me, I'm so stupid…"

"Are you okay? What happened?" Magnus leaned over him, eyes flashing in concern.

"Raziel, it hurts…" Alec buried his face in his hands.

"Here, let me see!" He tried to modulate his voice to soothe him, but his own panic bleed through.

"My pride will be scarred for all eternity! The embarrassment is too much!"

Comprehension dawned on his face. "You scared me, you douchebag!"

"I told you I needed sleep," Alec said smugly, and Magnus struggled to contain a smile.

"Fine. Do whatever. I'll be back in about fifteen minutes."

"Okay." With this riveting piece of exposition, Alec pulled out his phone and checked Twitter, expression going blank as he focused on the screen.

Shaking his head, Magnus walked out of the apartment, jingling his keys and whistling off-tune as he went.

* * *

**A/N: WHAT? I didn't take twenty years to update?! Inconceivable! In all honesty, it took forever just to put the dream in italics. For the most part, I had to change it word by word. I use the Pages app when I type, and then copy and paste it to move it to my docs on this profile. Anything bold or in italics is lost in the process, so I have to fix it on site, which is an enormous pain in the arse. So yeah. Who's hyped for season 2 of Shadowhunters? It doesn't feel like it's been nearly a year since the first season aired, but I guess that's life… time goes slow and fast all at once. Definitely fucks with my head, that's for sure. When not writing, I'm either swamped in homework or playing Overwatch/Battlefield 1 in my free time. Do things always feel so monotonous? Jeez. I should really do something useful with myself. At least the American presidential election is almost over. I think everyone, even those who aren't from the US, can agree that it was quite the shitshow, to say the least. Before I begin to ramble on for hours on end, I'll cut this short here. Thank you guys so much for reading, don't hesitate to tell me what you think, and as always… stay awesome ;)**


	26. Chapter 26

"You didn't tell me that this would happen," Alec sighed, shifting in an attempt to minimize the chafing of his wrists.

"Santiago was supposed to tell him people that we were coming to see him. It isn't my fault that he's an incompetent numbskull." Magnus replied, affronted. "Are you hurt?"

"For the millionth time, Mags, I'm fine." He twisted to get a glimpse of his face, straining against the ropes that bound them. "You, on the other hand, have a pretty nasty cut near your eye. Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's not as bad as it looks. I promise."

"Will you two shut up?" Their guard hissed in annoyance.

"When Raphael speaks to us, he'll definitely be informed that you're a dick." Magnus snapped. "Hasn't he told you about us? Magnus Bane plus one?"

The color drained from the guard's face. "Oh shit. I'm so sorry, the patrols have been on edge as of late, and we completely forgot that he was expecting visitors." He hurried to untie them. Looking even guiltier still, he handed Alec his crutches. Without shifting his glare, Magnus wiped at the cut above his brow. Blood smeared across his forehead, but he didn't seem to care.

"It's okay. Just contact your patrol leader and tell her that we'll be on our way to Dumort." Alec responded understandingly.

"Right. Um…" He handed him a small badge of some sort. "Use this to keep…that… from happening again. Just tell Raphael it's Marcel's."

"Thank you." With a quick smile, he took Magnus's hand and led them into a connecting alleyway.

"Ugh, Raphael will whine for ages about us being late, never mind the fact that there was nothing we could've done." Magnus tugged his scarf loose and tied it behind his head to hide the splotches of drying blood marring the upper left section of his face. "Luckily for Marcel, he won't find out about the terrible abuse we've suffered at the hands of his people."

"You look like a wannabe pirate." Alec observed.

"I most certainly do not!" Magnus argued, affronted.

"I think you do." Alec insisted, widening his eyes innocently. With a huff of exasperation, his boyfriend bit back a sharp response and knocked on one of the doors along the wall. It was thrown open almost immediately.

"What took you so long?" Raphael's dark gaze slid over them, and without changing expression, he stepped back to allow them inside.

"Mags needed his coffee fix." Alec smoothly stepped on Magnus's foot to stop him from invalidating his explanation.

"I should've known. You look ridiculous by the way. A bit too pirate-y."

"Excuse me, Mister—"

"I thought it was Lightwood that had something to say to me." The gang leader interjected. "Therefore, I will speak to him alone."

"But—" Magnus looked genuinely displeased.

"Or not at all," He added as an afterthought.

"It's okay. I can speak without an escort." Alec said lightly, an undertone of warning in his voice. He understood why Magnus didn't want to leave him, but he wasn't a child. He didn't need to be guarded like he was constantly surrounded by assassins.

With a chastened reluctance, the taller man stepped back. "I'll be waiting here."

Without a word, Raphael beckoned for Alec to follow and guided him into what looked like a makeshift office. Lily was sitting there, engrossed with the contents of a text she'd just received. When she saw them, she slid out of the room, slippery as an eel. The depth of the silence was deafening.

Raphael stood framed by the window, staring out at the city that never slept. And finally he spoke. "I am aware of how everyone perceived my relationship with Ragnor."

"You two weren't romantically involved?" Alec's voice was barely above a whisper, but to his ears it still felt too loud.

"We never really had to define it. If I had to label myself, I'd be ace aro. We weren't sexual, we weren't romantic. We had a connection. My feelings… they were always difficult to explain. But he never held any expectations over my head. He cared about me. I was as close to him as I could be with my preferences in mind… and we hovered between friends and something more. Now that he's gone… I won't say I regret my choices concerning him. But… I'll have to wait until the hurt that seems determined to chase me can't catch up before I stop to catch my breath." Those obsidian pools flicked back to him. "You, Alexander Lightwood, are a very easy person to confide in. Because I am certain that you're a secret keeper. There are many answers in those eyes, Azul, and you trapped Bane in them like he's a fly in a web. Intentionally or not. I have to say, he falls head over heels in love at the drop of a penny, but I've never seen him cling on to one person like this. I have no right nor desire to judge you for the webs you weave in those eyes, strung together with the whispers of everyone you meet. You're an internalizer. That's what you do."

"I… um…" Alec blinked, unclear as to what point was being made.

"Apologies. Ignore me, I haven't been myself lately. You can forget my odd psychoanalysis of your person."

"Sebastian Morgernstern is working with the Princes. They've got big plans, and those plans can only mean trouble. They're behind the killings and disappearances." Unsure of what else he could say, the words spilled out of him in a wave of irrepressible urgency.

"What?" He stiffened, then reached out to grab Alec's wrist, gripping him like a vise. "The Princes? They killed Ragnor? What else do you know?" His fingers were as cold as ice.

Raphael's sudden intensity frightened him a little, and he tried to withdraw his hand to no avail. The other man's nails were digging into his flesh, and he tried not to let the pain register on his face. "I don't know! You need to consider clearing out with your people while we get this sorted. If we go to the police, we don't want you guys getting caught in the crossfire."

"The Night Children can go, but I'm not leaving until I avenge him…" Raphael didn't even see Alec anymore; his gaze drifted, lost in another time and place. Then, his nails broke through Alec's skin and drew blood. As it dripped down his arm, he couldn't help but let out a sound of distress. It definitely was by no means a bad injury, but it had taken him by surprise and his open cuts were getting squeezed tighter and tighter. Even worse, he was so preoccupied with the task of keeping his crutches in place that he couldn't pull away.

"We have to go and—" Magnus froze in the doorway, taking in the scene, then stormed over to Raphael and shoved him, bringing him out of his trance. "What the fuck?!"

"It's okay, it's not his fault," Alec protested. Magnus placed himself between his boyfriend and the leader of the Night Children, shielding the former protectively.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, fue un accidente…" Raphael looked distraught, staring down at his own hands guiltily. When he saw the traces of blood in his nails, he shut his eyes and let out a long, shaky breath.

Turning his full attention back to Alec, Magnus cradled his wrist, examining the cuts. "Cat can bandage those up, we can—"

"It's okay! I'm okay! But your friend isn't." Alec kissed his forehead, then nudged him towards Raphael.

"I feel like I've been falling forever, but I only just realized, and now the ground is rising to meet me and I'm going to shatter when I hit it. El infierno está vacío y todos los demonios están aquí." The last sentence was spoken in a broken mutter.

"Breathe. It's darkest before dawn. And things have a funny way of working out in the end. A real smart ass told me those things. He's always right." Magnus embraced the boy as he fell apart, as if by doing so he could hold him together. But the haunted expression on his face shook Alec to the bone. He always seemed so untouchable, closed off, but now the rawness of the pain he'd tried so desperately to conceal slapped them all across the face.

"I… just want to be alone. Please. Give Lily your number, and we'll speak once I compose myself." Raphael's voice trembled, then strengthened as he seemed to pull together the amassed sum of his remaining self control.

"Right. I'm sorry." Alec and Magnus retreated from the room, closing the door behind them. After a quick exchange with Lily (involving contact information and the return of Marcel's badge), they made the detour that Magnus had so desperately needed. Much to Alec's disbelief, he actually wanted coffee.

Upon arrival, the disheveled and slightly bloodied duo expected some hesitance on behalf of the staff members to serve them. However, they were greeted with the same over-the-top friendliness as always. Alec theorized that you had to have an overly cheerful demeanor if you were to take a position in customer service. That, or live in a state of constant dissatisfaction with humanity in general.

"You should wait to contact Mark about the situation with the Night Children, considering the fact that you didn't have much of a discussion with Santiago before he had a mental breakdown." Magnus began quietly, scanning the occupants of the cafe to make sure no one was paying them any attention. Nonetheless, Alec smiled as though he'd just made a joke. It never hurt to be too careful.

"I know. But we're in a bit of a crunch for time, and I don't know how long we can wait for Raphael to get it together." The lack of empathy in his voice seemed to surprise Magnus, who was unaware of the inner battle being waged within him.

"Knowing him, he won't keep us waiting for long. He hates leaving loose ends untied. You want it black, right? Freak."

No longer fazed by sudden subject changes, Alec gazed up at the menu, contemplating the options presented before him. "Yeah." He agreed after a beat, wrinkling his nose in a mockery of Magnus's expression of disgust.

"Blechh. Fine. I'll even pay for that disgrace to mankind."

"Aw, what a caring boyfriend."

"Only for you, Blue."

"After this, I have to go home. I've already been gone long enough, and plus I have to explain this." He gestured to his sprained ankle.

"Just say you tripped and fell."

"On what?"

"It's not that hard. Just improvise. Maybe Chairman is out to destroy you. Maybe you were thwarted by a Home Alone style trap. The world's your oyster."

"That would set the bullshit meter off for a five year old."

"You know what I mean."

"Do I ever?"

"Okay then, Mr. Sassypants. Be that way. It's your cover story."

"Yep, and I plan on keeping it that way. Not that your propositions were bad, but they were bad."

"Oh really?"

"Really."

* * *

Alec ended up telling his family that he'd tripped over Chairman Meow, for lack of a better excuse. Not that Magnus would ever know.

* * *

**A/N: Oh jeez. It's been a rough month, but thankfully winter break gave me some time to get my shit together. I'm sorry for taking so long yet again. Hopefully now that my stress levels are down chapters will be more frequent, but with my track record, I wouldn't take me at my word if I were you :P Anyways, comments are always appreciated, thanks for reading, and as always, stay awesome ;)**


	27. Chapter 27

Alec clenched his gun with white knuckles, chest heaving as he pressed his back against the wall. Heart pounding, he peered around the corner. He couldn't see anyone, but he knew that they were searching for him.

"Blue! You know we'll find you eventually!" Magnus's voice rang out, sharp against the blanket of silence, and he grimaced. Traitor. Backstabber. Turncoat. Deceiver.

He held his breath as footsteps clicked past. A staccato of nonchalance. Alec was the last one, and they knew it just as well as he did.

A strange smirk traced his lips as he peered though the window to his left and took aim. Right between Magnus's shoulder blades… then a few inches lower. Karma was a bitch. Without a second of hesitation, he squeezed the trigger and slipped away. No use in hanging around. Magnus's shout would've alerted the others.

Ascending the stairs, listening for movement was impossible. His heart was pounding too loudly. He paused to check behind him just as he was clipped in the shoulder.

"Fuck!" He was so startled that he hit his head on the low overhang beside him. This knocked him off his feet. "Ow ow ow ow ow."

"Shit! Are you okay?" Jace was at his side in an instantly. Alec simply stared at him with wide eyes, gaze drifting aimlessly after a few seconds. "Can you follow my finger with your eyes? Or something?" With every sentence, he grew more and more alarmed. His brother was trembling ever so slightly, sucking in air like he was drowning. Then it clicked. Panic attack. It had been so long, he almost hadn't recognized the symptoms.

"What's taking so long? We won, right?" Upon seeing Alec, Izzy dropped her gun. "What… what happened?"

"He didn't see me before I shot him and he got scared and jumped and hit his head and I don't know whether he has a concussion on top of his attack and—" Jace's voice broke off.

Magnus unfroze from where he'd been paralyzed next to Isabelle. He crouched next to his boyfriend and took his hands, refusing to relinquish his grasp even when he was met with shaky resistance. "Alexander. Please. I know how it feels, I really do. But you need to tell us whether you might be concussed."

"That's a weird word, isn't it? Sounds like it isn't, even though it is. Concussed concussed concussed."

"Goldilocks, if you don't shut the fuck up, I swear to Lilith…"

"Sorry. It's how I deal with stress."

"I'm okay." Alec's voice was hardly a breath. Somewhere among the confusion, Clary and Simon had also joined them, and when he spoke, everyone's attention snapped to him as attentively as if he'd shouted. He tentatively touched the side of his head, wincing when his fingertips came away wet with blood. "Maybe not." He curled back into himself. "Not concussed, at least. I think. Concussed concussed concussed. You're right. Doesn't sound like a real word. Word game. Game Boy. Boy meets World. World Series. Series of unfortunate events." This monologue faded into a garbled mumble. Then, he blinked, some of the fog clearing. "I'm okay. Sorry. Just delirious. I'm certain I don't have a concussion. I can walk it off."

"Sorry if I don't believe you. YouTube. Tube sock. Sock monkey." Jace mocked gently, rolling his eyes. "Can someone google symptoms for a concussion?"

"Cognitive: amnesia, disorientation, or mental confusion." Clary read grimly.

"Confusion Hill, hilltop, top hat?" Simon added. Izzy and Magnus glared at him. "Jace started it."

"I was overwhelmed for a second, okay? I came out of a panic attack and then the pain in my head hit me like a sack of bricks." Alec struggled to his feet. "Let's just go home. Paintball's overrated anyway."

"Anyway you want it. It follows. Follows suit." Jace, encouraged by the return of his brother's sanity, decided to test his luck.

"You're never letting that shit go, are you?" Alec sighed. Magnus supported him as the headed back to Simon's van.

"You're still bleeding." Clary realized. "Maybe it'd be safe just to see a doctor."

"I'll go if I don't improve. It's just a superficial scratch." Alec assured her, suddenly indescribably tired. The recent distress that had just recently permeated the group dispersed, helped along by the fact that he was no longer spewing nonsense.

After a few minutes of Jace and Simon singing along with the radio, Magnus broke his silence. "That was a pretty dirty takedown earlier. You're one sneaky little fuck."

"You deserved it. You abandoned me to a team consisting of one of the Three Stooges and a redhead who… no offense… couldn't hit the broad side of an elephant at point blank range." Alec answered, eyes already shut. Simon looked offended but didn't contradict him.

"Shouldn't you not sleep on a concussion?" Izzy asked, concerned.

"Myth. If I'm awake and able to hold conversation, it's fine. Fine Point pen. Pen pal. PAL Boxing." He corrected weakly. His friends stared at him in alarm, and he let out a huff of laughter. "Just kidding. Why so serious?"

"Maybe because you're acting so fucking weird? You being hurt isn't a joke." Jace snapped. "It's my fault. And I'm lucky you don't blame me for it."

"He's not doing it on purpose. It's unfair to insinuate that he's messing around just for the hell of it. We all know that he's not thinking straight." Magnus placed a hand on Alec's shoulder. "Please don't make the joke."

"What? Oh. The straight joke. Okay. I'm gonna sleep now." He turned to focus on Jace and spoke more clearly than he had since the incident. "It wasn't your fault." He reassured, then passed out. His boyfriend stroked his hair, careful to avoid the cut on his head.

"How are we gonna hide this from Mom?" Izzy asked after a beat. "At least with the ankle, we could make it out to be a lowkey thing. But the moment she has a conversation with him, she'll know that something is really fucking wrong."

"So we're assuming that he does have a minor concussion, right?" Simon interjected.

"What else could it be? He's displaying a lot of the symptoms, and if he's mentally impaired, we shouldn't take him at his word." Clary said, slightly guilty for calling him out.

"He needs lots of rest. In these circumstances, it's possible to have him stay with me for at least one night. So the rest of his family doesn't see him at the apex of… this."

"That might work…" Jace conceded, speaking for the first time since being cleared of blame. He turned to Isabelle. "Just say that he's hanging out with friends again. Maryse will probably buy it, which will convince a Robert even more."

"Then it's settled." Magnus sighed as Jace pulled to a stop in front of his house.

"Let us know if anything happens."

"Of course." He agreed, then gently shook Alec. "You gotta get up now. Just for a minute."

Alec groaned, squinting against the light. "My head hurts, and I feel like shit."

"No kidding." Magnus helped him out of the car. He didn't seem to question why they were entering Magnus's house instead of his own. "I've got some Tylenol for that headache of yours, and some gauze for your head. Then you can sleep."

"Fine." Alec snapped irritably, plopping down on the sofa. Once he'd taken the medicine, Magnus went to wrap his cut. He pulled away at first, frowning in confusion. "Why am I here? What are you doing?"

The explanation came with a tinge of sadness. "You're hurt. I'm helping you."

"Oh. Thank you."

"It's not a problem, Sweetie. Remember where my room is? Take my bed. You need a lot of sleep to let your brain heal."

"I know. No need to speak to me as if to a child." The sudden aggression was back. Even though Magnus knew that it wasn't really him talking, it still hurt.

"I'm sorry."

Alec started up the stairs, then gripped the banister suddenly as if the ground was swaying. "I need help. I'm too dizzy." He bit out reluctantly.

His boyfriend didn't hesitate to hold him steady as they inched their way up to the top.

"I'm sorry for being an asshole." The Lightwood looked a mixture of lost and miserable as the apology spilled out. "I don't know why I said that."

"It's okay. Just rest."

Alec kissed him on the chin, not seeming to notice that he'd missed his mouth. "Love you." It was jarring to hear such weighty words spoken with such thoughtless ease.

Magnus didn't move, and heard his bed creak a few moments later. "Love you too." He whispered, far too late.

* * *

**A/N: Oh jeezums. Was going to post this yesterday, but I was in a regional theater competition. We got 2nd place and we're moving on to state in about a month. Did this chapter feel a bit forced? It felt kind of off to me. I have no free time to write because of school so I've lost my flow a bit. Also, the switch to 3rd person omniscient following Alec's incapacitation was pretty clumsy. But hey! More plot! To those of you giving enough of a shit to read this— thanks. You guys motivate me to continue even when I'm not feeling so hot. Reviews, follows, and favorites are always and very much appreciated. Stay awesome ;)**


	28. Chapter 28

"How are you feeling?" Magnus hovered at Alec's bedside, worrying the sleeves of his coat. "I'm going to buy some tea. To help kick my coffee addiction, y'know?" He smiled ruefully.

"That's good. Just make sure it doesn't have any caffeine." Alec reminded him, weakly returning the tiny grin. "Why drop the habit now? I know you love that shit."

"It's about time I eased up. Can't be dependent on it, after all. Does your head still hurt?"

"Yeah. Not as bad as it did though. It's okay to leave me here. Your dad won't kick my ass if he finds me, right?"

"If you stay in this room and don't make any noise, he'd never even realize that you're here. Chances are, he won't be coming. Pretty sure he went on a business trip. To… um… the capital of Florida. The one with all the double letters. I'm really blanking right now."

"Tallahassee?"

"Yeah, that's it."

"T-A-L-L-A-H-A-S-S-E-E." Alec singsonged, and Magnus's stomach dropped a little. The conversation had been going so well.

"Yup. I'll be back soon, Blue. Don't set the place on fire."

"I'm eighteen. I'm not going to lose it and start playing with matches."

"I never know with you." He joked forcefully.

"Hey! I may have a concussion, but I'm not insane." Alec sighed, studying a hangnail in dismay before pinching it at its base and breaking it off.

"Aha! Finally, you admit it!"

"What? Oh. Uh, no I didn't!"

"It's too late!" Magnus crowed triumphantly.

"Shut up. Go get your tea, you goober."

"Fine. I will. While you rot away and your brain melts out of your ears."

"That's gross. Get out already." Alec's smile was real this time.

"Are you kicking me out of my own room?"

"Yup. You've got the count of three 'til I call the cops on your ass."

"Okay. Okay. Bye, babe."

Alec stuck out his tongue in response. But then his shoulders drooped in exhaustion. He curled up into a ball once more and squeezed his eyes shut as pain radiated from behind his eyes. A pained gasp escaped him, but he pressed his lips together and was silent.

Magnus hesitated, frozen in the doorway. The urge to stay made his limbs feel like lead pipes. He couldn't leave his boyfriend like this.

"Grab me some Twinings Chai Ultra Spice. It's the shit." Alec spoke, cracking open an azure eye to fix him with a glare. The meaning behind it was obvious: stop worrying about me.

"Call me if you need anything else."

No response. So Magnus left. What else was he to do?

Alec began to drift to sleep, but then his phone vibrated, making an ugly sound from where it rested on the nightstand. Upon reading the text he'd received, he sat up, migraine temporarily forgotten. Raphael wanted to speak with him.

He began to type a message back, but the letters started to swim before his eyes. That was annoying. He opted to call instead. After a few rings, the gang leader picked up.

"Lightwood. I'm a busy man, so I'll make this quick. Meet me at Vineapple Cafe in Brooklyn at eight, and we'll have our little discussion." Raphael said before Alec could even open his mouth.

"I can't. I'm not in any state to drive, nor have a coherent conversation." Even as he spoke, his whole skull pulsed in protest. "I think I know someone who can go in my place. Place is a weird word. Sounds weird and looks weird."

"Who might that be?"

"Mark. He's got more firsthand information than I do, anyways."

"You trust him?" Raphael didn't sound like he cared either way.

"Of course."

"Contact him, then. And describe what he looks like."

"Um." Mark's image blurred in his mind's eye. "His hair's kind of whitish gold? And… his eyes are, like, blue and green."

"What happened to you?" Traces of concern flickered in Raphael's voice.

"I hit my head." He responded bluntly, humming some sort of jingle from a commercial in the silence that followed.

"I see. Well, I hope you recover soon."

"Thanks." With that, he hung up and switched to Mark. "I need a favor."

"What is it? I just saw Simon and Maia at Java Jones. Simon mentioned something about you having a concussion."

"My condition precedes me," Alec replied dryly. "Can you meet Raphael Santiago at the Vineapple Cafe in Brooklyn at…" he paused to recall the relevant information. "Eight?"

"Sure. I'll go over all the points I discussed with you."

"Sounds great. Once I'm better—" his mind drifted. Better. Bett is bed in German. Germany has the largest economy in Europe. Or did it? He tried to remember.

Mark's voice jerked him out of this stupor. "Alec? Are you still there?"

"Sorry. Where was I?"

"Something about when you get better."

"Right. Once I'm better, you can tell me how things went with Raphael."

"Gotcha. I'll talk to you on Monday? Or will you not be at school?"

"I won't be at school, but we can meet up once you're out."

"Alrighty then. Now get some rest, man." Mark suggested warmly.

"That's what they all say." Alec let out a self-deprecating chuckle. "Can you be honest with me? How fucked up do I seem?"

"I mean, you don't seem like you're a raving lunatic."

"You're setting the bar pretty low."

"What else can I say?" Mark sighed. "You don't sound like yourself. That's all I know."

"I don't feel like myself, either." It's lonely, he wanted to say. When you can't even count on yourself. When you try to string together your thoughts and they scramble like eggs in a superheated washing machine. Yet he couldn't find the words.

"Alec, I don't want to be the one to give it to you straight, but I think we'll have to... move forward with the plans. Without you. It sounds like you're in really bad shape, and we may not be able to wait for you to heal. Every passing day puts more people at risk."

The hollow feeling in Alec's chest jarred him as he let the truth sink in. He'd already known. Tried to ignore the symptoms. But there was no getting around it. "You're right. I'll talk to Magnus when he gets back. Keep me updated. If I get better, I'll let you know."

"Don't hesitate to call if you ever need help."

"Right. Thank you."

"No problem. Bye."

Alec stared at his phone long after Mark had hung up. Downstairs, a door opened and shut. Magnus's footsteps pounded up the stairs, and he stopped short upon seeing Alec, still gazing at nothing in particular.

"Was this the kind you wanted?" His boyfriend asked hesitantly, holding up a box of tea bags as if displaying an offering.

"I'm gonna be sick."

Magnus's attempt at a smile dropped off his face. "What?"

"You may want to move out of the way." With this declaration, Alec paled, stood up, rushed past Magnus, and vomited just before making it to the bathroom.

* * *

**A/N: Things have been a bit crazy. Spring break seems to throw teachers into a fervor of tests and projects, and the workload isn't helping my anxiety. Luckily, I'll be heading out to Rome this Saturday, so my suffering will soon end. I've had this chapter ready for a while, so I'd like to apologize for keeping y'all waiting. Thanks for reading, and as always, stay awesome ;)**


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